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Just So You Know, It’s Okay To Not Be Okay

By Kulsoom Fatima, October 20th 2017

I have loved and I have lost.

My heart has been broken not once, not twice, but enough times to realize that it’s okay to hurt. It’s okay to miss them and talk about their little quirks with your friends. It’s okay to look at their display picture, type a message and delete it. It is okay to listen to old, rusty breakup songs, and cry yourself to sleep. It’s okay.

It’s okay to repeat scenarios in your head and look for signs of trouble that you missed. It’s okay to stain your pillow, crying out his name into the darkness of the night. It’s okay to be confused and forlorn. Believe me, it’s okay.

You know why? Because it makes you human.

Because of that sinking feeling in your chest when the one you love tells you that he or she can’t be with you anymore, that feeling makes you hit rock bottom. When it feels like someone ripped your whole body apart and smashed your heart into a million pieces, that my friend, is the sting of love.

Because when someone breaks your heart and you are inconsolable, you learn about yourself more than ever. You discover how strong you actually are. You may find shoulders to cry on, you may be told that there is plenty fish in the sea, you may also be told that you need to get out there, but you search for comfort from the one who broke you. And then you realize that you have to be your own hero.

So you wake up in the morning, make a resolution to let bygones be bygones and start afresh. By the end of the day, you are exhausted and only in his memories, you find solace. Day by day and piece by piece, you pick up your broken heart, in the hope of it being whole one day. Not brand new, but healed.

Until one day, when you open your eyes, stare at the ceiling and let your lips curl into a smile. Your heart doesn’t feel so heavy anymore. Getting out of bed isn’t so difficult anymore. His name is not in your head anymore and you feel…normal.

That day you feel like you fought a battle and conquered your demons. That day you discover a new sense of freedom, a newfound strength in your insecurities and a fresher perspective of life. You finally realize that all you really needed was time.

So, darling, take your time. Take all the time you need. You deserve it.

Kulsoom Fatima

I am just a struggling millennial who is trying to get her sh*t together!

THOUGHT CATALOG

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Before You Give Your Heart To Someone Again

"Before You Give Your Heart To Someone Again, READ THIS. Never settle for anything less than what you deserve. You have come a long way to be where you are. You have endured so much pain that you don’t know what tears running down on your cheeks feel like. Never let anyone get the best of you, and don’t give them the power over your vulnerability. Understand the depths of your heart and embrace your imperfections in order to see the beauty behind your scars. Never let him get through you without a fight. You built your walls with bricks made of heartbreak and they’re as huge as your new-found love for yourself. Don’t let anyone ruin that for you unless they are willing to stay. Never let him see through your eyes without understanding every crumble of yourself – from your anxiety down to your desire for independence. Don’t let anyone in if his heart is not as ready as yours. Never lose sleep over someone who only thinks of you past midnight when he’s bored and lonely. You don’t deserve a Netflix-and-chill kind of love. Never waste time on someone who doesn’t even have time for you, ‘cause they only need you when they want to fill the void spaces surrounding their hearts. Never beg for someone’s attention for you deserve much more than that. Don’t cry over someone who doesn’t even notice the changes in the way you smile. Never lose your energy over relationships that are unsure, over unexpected hellos and unsaid goodbyes. Never question your ability to care for someone because you know well-enough how to crave for affection because you were once broken, bruised and stabbed front and back. Never doubt yourself because you are good enough, good enough to love and be loved in return. Don’t fall for deceit and lies, for you were once buried there with your hand clenching your own wounded heart. Never rush because it will only come and go. Don’t jump into almost relationships for you can’t afford going on endless first dates only to start all over again. Never underestimate yourself and your ability to love because you are your own hero, and no matter how many times you fail in love, you know that you can get up and say never again." By Ashley Cruz Sept 25 2017 Before You Give Your Heart To Someone Again, Read This cataloged. THOUGHT CATALOGS

Thankful for you.

Manong, sometimes I wish we had the same time zone- so you wont be asleep when I’m awake and vice versa. So many things I wanna tell you, so many stories I wanna share with you. Happy moments I’m very much inclined to share with you first. I may not express it but im thankful for you. I’m glad you somehow came into my life just when I thought the whole world had left me. I know you know that I am nowhere near being ready for anything serious, but you still stand by me– understand me. You being there to listen to my never ending rants means alot. You being there giving me endless corny compliments flatters the tiny butterflies in my stomach. Although i disagree with majority of the things that you have to say, just know that I am just being the stubborn me but all your advises have been stored behind my mind. The four hard walls that you speak of so often are my security blankets. Maybe in God’s perfect timing, those walls will come down on their own. Maybe in God’s perfect timing, those walls will be replaced by your arms wrapped around me so that YOU will be my security blanket. I do not expect you to wait but I hope you do. I just wish that in God’s perfect timing we will cross paths again. ❤

You can be so hard headed, stubborn, and annoying.. but regardless of my never ending complaints&nagging you are still standing by my side being the funny, loving, and patient partner that you've always been. Happy anniversary Babe ❤ ! Thank you for the never ending love and support you're giving our family. Thank you for being such a great father to Leyland. Yes, not a day goes by where you don't hear me bitch or nag about something, but you just laugh it off being the chill person that you've always been. I appreciate everything that you do, and you continue to do for us. I love you with everything that i have and I will be forever grateful for giving me our son. I love you Leopoldo Theodore ❤ :) happy anniversary! #4thyearanniversary #partnerincrime #LeopoldoTheodore #28april2015 ❤

#partnerincrime #28april2015 #4thyearanniversary #leopoldotheodore

#LOVE #ohana #myboys #miniLeo #skatelife #ChristopherLeyland #LeopoldoTheodore

#minileo #leopoldotheodore #myboys #skatelife #ohana #christopherleyland #love

Just because this is one of my favorite picture of you and Leyland. Lol happy fathers Leopoldo! Thank you for your strong genes and giving me a very handsome son. Thank you for keeping me on my feet when things start to get out of hand. Thank you for the never ending love and support :) thank you thank you my looove! Happy fathers day! #2ndfathersday #LeopoldoTheodore

#leopoldotheodore #2ndfathersday

Sunday family fun day :) #ohana #atv #adventuretime #happymonthsarybaby #28june2015

#atv #happymonthsarybaby #ohana #28june2015 #adventuretime

Wow. Time sure does change everything. Now, the tables have been turned. #jokesonme

#jokesonme

Up early for todays training. Good luck lover boy 😉 #copduties #lover #myTheo

#mytheo #lover #copduties

Leyland's strong pose and the Lover still so handsome even with only half his face showing 😉 #ohana #likefatherlikeson #miniLeo #myTheo #myLeyland

#minileo #likefatherlikeson #ohana #myleyland #mytheo

After the years have passed, it all disappears.

"This is what some couples fail to see. After how many years, the spark will go. The reasons why you loved the other person will be unknown. The butterflies in your stomach will soon disappear. You will forget why you liked that person in the first place. You'll start to see all the wrong and the ugly you chose to look blindly in your beginnings. Now, going home to each other's arms is not as exciting to look forward to as before. Cuddling and those exchange of sweet words become rare and all the fightings will take over. Sex will become less and less. You'll be shocked that one day, those nights and hours you spend in sex will now be spent in silence and arguments. You'd rather cover your partner up rather than take their clothes off. Appreciation goes less and less too. You have to accept that. This is the sad reality of long term relationships. You become familiar with each other rather than staying "in love" with each other. You become more of friends rather than lovers. This is the stage where you choose, is being with this person worth it anymore? Are the fights worth it or is it easier to just get out and leave? Some couples make it, some don't. Why? Because they all made the choice some didn't make. They chose to stay, maybe because of some strong roots or maybe because they don't want to start again. I once came across someone who has been married for 30 years. I asked her, "did you ever caught your husband cheat?" She said, "ofcourse, it is normal. After some time you'll just get used to it and think that the most important thing will be that he goes home to you every night." That is how their relationship worked for so many years. But isn't it sad? To be used to some habits that die hard? Well if that's their case, I respect that. I also came across a man who has been married for 10 years and decided to end it after he caught his ex wife cheating. I asked, how come you ended it when others would just forgive? He said "a man's ego will always be there. Maybe the double standards of the society added factors or maybe I realized she wasn't worth it anymore." It was a sad ending but hey, he's happier now with someone and I guess it all comes down to one vital thing, happiness. "Don't sleep mad at each other" -- one of the lines I always hear from commercials, blogs and the likes but I tell you this. Sometimes sleeping off an argument is better rather than facing it while everything is hot. You respect each other enough that when they're not ready, you give them space to think things through. You don't need to fix it outright. Sometimes it causes more damage. Time out is also good for each other. Time out to think and meditate not time out to go message other people and flirt! The society has so much influenced us that having a long term relationship is easy, just forgive and forget and it's done. Road to forever! But that's not it. There will be a lot of unspoken words, a lot of unnecessary words thrown at you, and a lot of pride and changes to adapt to. Being in a road to a long term relationship is good but never forget to not lose yourself while in it. Be with a person who will not mind if you get fat or your skin sags or you lose the beauty that once made him fall for you, after all you are not a timeless beauty. Make sure that you're in that road with someone who will be worth your love, pain and anger, worth your time and effort and most of all, worth of that kindness your heart has yet to unleash. " -feel free to share. Photo not mine.

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ARE YOU WITH THE RIGHT PARTNER?

'During a seminar, a woman asked," How do I know if I am with the right person?" The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, "It depends. Is that your partner?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind replied the author. Here's the answer. Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love. People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet."Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU. Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It's a natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage. At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, "Am I with the right person?" And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown. The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found. People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this): The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the Person you found. SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it! Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws Of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable. Love is therefore a "decision". Not just a feeling. Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO!' ♥

Katreena Dei Gauiran "Please bear with me when at first I seem to close up whenever you try to reach out. I have had my heart broken one, two, many times and understand that it’s hard for me to trust but I will do my best to love you with all my heart. Please bear with my anxiety attacks. Yes, I have those moments when I will suddenly stay still and be stuck, needing some room and air. I’m the type of person who feels the world and when things get too much, please don’t leave. Just talk to me and hold my hand, I will recover easily. Please bear with my sweetness. Others might say that I do everything I can to make someone happy and I love pleasing them. I hope you won’t feel suffocated when I try to surprise you with something or send you good morning and goodnight texts and call you once in a while. It’s just my way of showing how important you are. Please bear with my distance. As I am a loving person who can be very clingy one time, I also want my space and independence. It doesn’t mean I don’t like spending time with you, but I also know that we are two independent human beings with their own work and life to grow to. Please bear with my peculiarity. I am not like most girls who like to dress up and be fancy. I’m just a simple woman who enjoys my weekends with a book and a cup of tea or coffee, yet I can also plan a spontaneous adventure when I feel likely. Please bear with my smart mouth. Sometimes I just feel like I want to talk endlessly about things, people, places and everything. I don’t want the shallow conversations which are boring. I want to fathom the depths of your soul, to kiss your fears and help you face your own demons. Please bear with my photographic eye. I always see beauty in everything no matter how irrelevant it may seem to people. I might snap a picture of you without even noticing, or even doing something. I like to document the moments where I can also keep it in my drive and especially in my heart. Please bear with me if I prefer museums, galleries, parks, bookstores, theaters and coffee shops instead of going in a party. I can socialize with people and hangout but I believe you can really get to know them by going to quiet places instead of the blasting noises. Nevertheless, you can drag me into a party just a few times. Please bear with my silence. It’s not always sunshine and rainbows with me. I am a hurricane most of the time ― lost in my deep thoughts. I will only be silent when I’m disappointed, sad and angry. The best thing to do during these times is to just listen to me. You will be my resort and haven in this world. Please bear with my rants. Yes! I rant. I complain. I sometimes yell when I’m annoyed. It’s important to me that I can let my feelings out in the open, less anxiety, less questions and sooner I can think clearly. Don’t try to argue with me during these moments but offer advice and calm me down. Please bear when I want you to argue with me. Yes. I want us to argue (whenever necessary though). I don’t want the silent war between us. I have been there and I know where it ends ― self-loathing. So please, if I’m being a bitch or a child sometimes please don’t hesitate to call me out. I want to know how you’re feeling and whatever you will say. I will also argue with you but I will try my best to have a conversation where we won’t have to raise our voices. Please bear with me in a lot of things as I am not easy to be with, but I also promise you tons of things. I promise to support you in your goals in life no matter how twisted they may be. I know you’re in for success and there’s a lot of greatness within you. I will stand by your dreams. I promise to trust you with my heart. Yes it has been broken before but I completely know that you will take care of it and in your hands I trust with safety and security. I promise to respect you in any aspect of your life; to every decision you will make, paths you will take, and everything that comes with it. I know you can do anything. I promise to love you with all I have. I have been alone for too long to have loved myself enough and now I’m willing to share it with you. I’m ready to give my everything to you. As I knew you will love me in return with the same magnitude, things will be rocky and bumpy along the way but I promise you I’m worth it. This is worth it."

Why You'll Regret Losing The Woman Who Waited For You To Grow Up

Liz Pardue-Schultz "When a woman is done, she's done." 'Remember that part in Sweet Home Alabama when the Reese Witherspoon character finds out her estranged husband had been spending their time apart building this amazing artisan lightning-glass sculpture business because he wanted to be a decent person for her, so she leaves her fill-in-the-blank early-00s hottie fiancée (I don't do rom-coms; sorry if the details are fuzzy) to be with the guy she'd been trying to divorce the whole movie? Listen to me: THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE. Alright, sure, it happens occasionally, but you absolutely shouldn't bank on it. See, the thing with women is that we'll give you 7,000 chances. We believe you can be the best version of yourself, and we want to be there when that happens, which is why way too many of us get stuck in terrible relationships with guys who don't treat us well. (But that's a separate article.) We really want to believe that when you say you'll do better, you'll actually do it this time. But when a woman is done, she's done. Once a woman realizes how much better her life is without you in it wasting her time and energy, your window is closed. No amount of transforming your body, lifestyle, or career is going to make her diverge from her new life of freedom from your influence. It's typical to realize you blew your chances and retort with some awful knee-jerk cliché like, "Well, if she couldn't handle me at my worst, she doesn't deserve me at my best," but the truth is that nobody is obligated to stick around for anyone else's garbage, and nobody deserves to build a stressful, drama-filled life because his or her partner can't take responsibility for their destructive choices. Her act of rejection as a means of self-care might hurt your feelings, but chances are, your actions had a lot to do with her decision. You'll have no problem finding someone new when you get your life together, by the way. It's no secret that people gravitate toward those who seem more stable and aligned with their individual purpose; however, the trick will be finding someone who is attracted to you who's willing to stick with you when life's hardships inevitably arise. You had no doubt that the gal who stuck by your side through all your bullsh*t would stand by you during life's storms, but what about the people who have come into your life during fair weather? The woman who loved you at your lowest point already knows your worst — and loved, supported and encouraged you anyway. This is something that the woman who only loves you at your best may struggle with when the tides turn and she sees the part of you that isn't so spotless. It will be in those difficult moments — when you are struggling with a new lover who cannot accept your shadows and love you anyway — that you will realize the value of the woman who once did without you having to ask her to.'

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