he knew what he did was wrong. he knew how dangerous his life was; from the intense street racing down the highways after class — to the group fights he would occasionally partake in, for the sake of his own.
as much as he knew, as much as he was getting closer to self destruction — he still kept going back to her.
she was pure, “innocent” before they met. a good girl — popular, sweet, endearing. didn’t do anything too reckless; went to her fair share of parties, got drunk before, stayed out late. but nevertheless, she was still a precious angel in his eyes.
a precious angel he just had to taint.
sliding into her life ever so gently, being around the same group of friends made it a little easier. his goal wasn’t to fuck her and leave, though. she was piece of him that he always wanted to get back to. cliche, he knows. but she made him feel whole, even before they started messing around.
at first they were acquaintances. then friends. then close friends. next thing they knew they were making out in the back of his beat up civic in the middle of the university campus parking lot.
she stopped before anything got too intense; asking him what they were. he knew she was going to ask, because he was going to ask the same thing. what did he truly want from her? to fill the void? to be his release? to be his lover? friend? girlfriend? what did he want?
the funny thing is, as good as she was, she sure as hell could be bad.
he didn’t give her an answer that day. or the day after. and with that, she gave him the worst cold shoulder the poor boy had ever experienced in his life. he didn’t think he would care so much; she wasn’t his first kiss, so why was he so hell bent? why was he upset that she wasn’t talking him, not even giving him the time of day?
he was supposed to be the bad boy. he was supposed to be the cool one with the abrasive attitude. but god did she hold the meanest grudge. he hated it; he wanted her against him, holding her in his arms, talking to her about her day, giving her cheeks small kisses and then fucking her wild minutes later.
he had never felt this way for anyone before; was this love?
if this was, this shit was painful, annoying and downright sadistic.
but he was only doing it for her.
if anyone was going to taunt and taint his princess, it would be him.
he was able to get them alone, to seriously talk about what happened in his backseat. he poured his heart out to her, for some reason. he had this urge to be vulnerable around her; to let her know how he truly felt. he wanted her to know that no matter the situation, the location — he felt alive around her. he felt like everything would be alright when they were together.
she told him that she knew what he and their friends would do. he explained that he would try his best to keep her away from those things, but she told him not to bother.
if this is going to work, we will find a equilibrium, she told him.
went in for a kiss, she declined.
after this, he knew that getting on her good side wasn’t going to be easy. but he also noticed that when he was honest with her, bare and raw, that she was softer, she was herself too. it was clear she’s been hurt before, and she didn’t want to become another victim to the poor man’s lustful ways. but he tried, god he tried his best to show her that he was different for her, he was going to be better and he was going to put effort into loving her.
it wasn’t at some special event when he realized this. they were hanging out with their friends under the highway at two am, smoking, drinking, and playfully running in front of a friend’s car as he did donuts not too far away.
they were sitting next to one another. she, feeling the light buzz from the liquor they had brought hours ago. he, taking a long drag from the cigarette planted in between his lips.
she scrunched her nose up playfully, spouting about how she never truly liked the smell of cigarettes, and how bad they were for health.
he chuckled, taking the stick from his mouth and tapping the excess with his forefinger. turning to look at her, he couldn’t find himself to look away. even in her intoxicated state was she beautiful. her skin glowed, her eyes shined, her laugh echoed across the ceilings, bouncing off the highway walls and radiating in the man’s ears. something he wanted to hear forever.
when she asked him what he was looking at, all he could do was smartly answer you.
it took time, almost a couple of months to be exact. but she had finally let him in. he asked her out while they sat at his house, and when she said yes, they stayed on his bed and made out until midnight. as she kissed him goodbye after he dropped her off, he knew that it was worth it.
