how do I tell the difference between managing everything or I just don't feel anything anymore
d e v o n

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@crying4help
how do I tell the difference between managing everything or I just don't feel anything anymore
hate
my main goal, is to be skinny enough so I don't look fat in a sweater. I love being comfortable but it just looks awful and akward. my boobs are too much, my thighs are too big and it doesn't work. I want be legs to be twigs so everything is oversized and perfectly fitted. my dream.
we are just few steps from being homeless. a few missteps and we'll be living under the bridge.so why do we treat homeless people do badly. they are trying to survive, while society is trying to push them out. but here we are in our big houses and money to spare, just to be depressed and not willing to live. be grateful, for everything you have.
one thing about me is that I hate everything about myself. I'm not shy or introverted, I just don't want bring attention to me, myself, my personality or looks. I don't want to be perceived or looked at. and thats another thing I hate about myself - not being able to talk normally to people, because I don't want them to see me. I just want to be the person who can easily bring conversation.but I can't, so just don't look at me.
summer is here and I've never felt more alone
not dead 😚
hello, I stayed with my friend for a whole week which mean I had 3 full meals every day. it was terrible, but I couldn't refuse food. they gave me fish, which I absolutely hate, but refusing it felt so disrespectful and I couldn't do it again.
today I went to the city with some friends. the friend who always snacks and loves food didn't touch anything today when we went to a boba place and mcdnlds. and she's so much skinnier than my, so that whole thing made me motivated to get back on my diet, bc it just made feel like I don't deserve it. honestly I really needed that, bc I've been so bad, I've been binging and haven't exercised. I'm existed to start fresh again.
xoxo ive
if you have any tips on how to keep the blog running, or some fun stuff to do on here, then please do share. I'm gonna be so grateful
xoxo, ive
update
I'm on spring brake, which is really exiting. I am more in control of my diet, I can exercise more and having a break from people.
tho on Tuesday I'm staying with a friend for 3 days, she's probably going to make me eat, which sucks. but she got me a pack of cigs, so exited to get that shit on my hands. and we are going to drink, AND I CANT FUCKING WAIT, I'm so exited that the calories in the alcohol don't matter.
on Tuesday I also have this dance thing, and the teacher goes fucking nuts on us, so hopefully I'll sweat every inch of my body off
that's probably it, gonna update how things went
xoxo, Ive
I'll try to post more, mby I'll try to post eating logs, but I haven't decided that yet. or like use this as a diary??? idk, just gonna experiment
oh god mobile Tumblr is so much easier to use than the website
honestly, my mental health is at my best when I don't eat. which is surprising, considering everyone has said the opposite. "you're not you when you're hungry", bitch, I'm thriving and living my best life living off diet coke and cigarettes
i need a cigarette
i have no clue how to keep a social media platform going. this is the sm where i put myself out on, and honestly i have no idea what to say or post or how often i should do it. why is it so goddamn stressfull
some tricks i use
> chamomile tea helps with a bloated stomach (you can also use it as a steamer if you have a cold, just put it the in a bowl, put a towel over your head and inhale the steam for a few minutes)
> green tea boots your metabolism and keeps you awake
> lavender tea is good for insomnia or anxiety
> instant soups can be helpful if you’re craving something savoury
> if you’re tired of drinking plain water, make it fancy with some lemon juice or mint leaves
> freeze lemon water or tea and suck on it if you’re craving something
edit: part 2 is out, also wtf thank you for all the support <3
🌸Are you hungry?🌸
These are step by step instructions you can follow to keep yourself from binging/overeating etc. I also use it because it helps me to identify if what I feel is the need for emotional eating or real hunger. ✨
You have the original source stated bellow, I only mada a few minor changes. 💫