Center for Surrogate Parenting

[cspagency]

Born to be a Surrogate Mother

Generous and compassionate are two adjectives commonly used to describe surrogate mothers. Surrogates are women who want to help other individuals create their family, something they easily are able to do. But thus far, there only has been one woman (that we know about) who can say she was born to be a surrogate mother.

Kimberly Dawn Haugh, a native Californian who is a wife and mother of three, is one of the only or perhaps the only known surrogate baby who then became a surrogate mother herself. 29 years ago, when surrogacy was in its infancy in the United States, Kimberly was born via a surrogate, a few years after the same woman carried her older sister.  Her parents needed the assistance of a surrogate because Kimberly's mother had been born without a uterus. Three decades ago, however, surrogacy was in its infancy and a lot riskier; the surrogate mother actually had a year to change her mind about keeping the baby. But luckily for Kimberly and her parents, their surrogate did not. At that time, it also was not uncommon for surrogacy arrangements to occur very informally without the benefit and protection of an attorney and/or surrogacy agency. Kimberly's parents paid all the surrogate's expenses and hoped for the best. Learning About Surrogacy Surrogacy has always been part of Kimberly's life. From a young age, Kimberly's parents told her about her, then, unusual birth story.  Explains Kimberly: "I cannot imagine my life to be any different. I don't remember ever not knowing about how I was born. My earliest memory of this was when I was about three and my mother sat me down on her lap to explain how I came into this world. I thought it was really cool then and I still do now." Kimberly always felt it was her duty, after she had her own kids, to become a surrogate, even offering to be one for her sister or her two cousins, if necessary. She had her heart set on wanting to give another family the amazing gift of a child they could not have any other way. Expressing a sentiment that many would-be surrogates feel, Kimberly said: "Since I knew I was not going to have any more of my own children, why not help someone else out? Giving birth is the easy part. Surrogacy is a win-win for me because I get to experience pregnancy while helping another family have a child." Kimberly's Matches Kimberly's first match was with a male same sex couple from Norway for whom she delivered a beautiful baby girl. Having been together for 15 years, the men had long dreamed of the day they would become fathers.  When she was given their profile, Kimberly felt an immediate chemistry with both would-be daddies, especially since they all had a lot in common with each other. In particular, they impressed her with how they had envisioned the way they would explain their child’s unique birth to him or her. Because of her own experience, this really resonated with Kimberly. "I asked a bunch of ladies in my support group how I would know when I had met my "match." They told me to trust my intuition, which would lead me to the perfect couple and they were absolutely right," remembers Kimberly. The fathers and Kimberly were in constant communications during her pregnancy and developed a close relationship. At 38 weeks, she delivered their baby girl, coincidentally on the same day that the Norwegian princess made international news when she helped gay friends get their baby out of India and back to Norway.  Family on Board with the Baby The two families have stayed in touch since the men returned to Norway. Kimberly's entire family has been very supportive of her dream, especially her husband and parents, who were over the moon with her decision to become a surrogate. Her middle child also grew close to the new fathers while they were in California, understanding that the child Kimberly was carrying was theirs. Kimberly is now on her second journey with an English couple that has been trying to have a baby for 25 years and has experienced many miscarriages, even with treatment and surrogacy. They are hoping that with Kim’s great track record at getting pregnant that their frozen embryos will result in a much-wanted child. Said Kimberly: "Again, through the matching process I intuitively felt that I should be the one to help this couple. It will mean the world to me if I can."  Kimberly Haugh, a child of surrogacy, is now fulfilling her dream of helping others create their own surrogate babies, just as her surrogate mother did 29 years ago. She is paying it forward in the circle of life.

[cspagency]

Connecticut Surrogacy Debacle

Safeguarding the Surrogacy Agreement Start with Proper Matching

This week another news report surfaced about a surrogacy arrangement gone terribly wrong. You can read all the details of the CNN report (Surrogate offered $10,000 to abort baby), as well as an excellent analysis from our colleague Andrew Vorzimer at his Spin Doctor blog. Suffice it to say, this is a sad, complicated story that has tragic consequences.  We are sure many people, including potential intended parents and surrogate mothers, are scratching their heads, wondering how this mess occurred and if this scenario is indicative of what could happen if they were to pursue surrogacy. Though we only know the facts as reported by CNN, we have to ask ourselves why this surrogacy arrangement ever occurred in the first place. At CSP, we know our job is to protect both parties in the surrogacy arrangement and to make sure their wishes are fulfilled. We have put systems and safeguards in place to ensure a worst-case scenario like this never takes place. Many red flags arose from the beginning of the disputed surrogacy relationship, so we must question the professionalism and liability of the agency and the attorneys involved. The CSP System of Checks and Balances The real issue is whether the agency discussed opinions about termination with both intended parents and the surrogate mother BEFORE matching them and were their opinions put in writing. CSP provides numerous opportunities for both surrogate mothers and intended parents to verbally and in writing express and crystallize their feelings about terminating a pregnancy and under which circumstances.  First, CSP asks all surrogate mothers their thoughts and beliefs BEFORE presenting any intended parents to them and the same question is asked of the intended parents. Once we have these answers IN WRITING, we begin the matching. Intended parents who are "no termination" are matched with surrogate mothers who are "no termination." Parties who agree about "termination but not for Downs Syndrome" are matched as well. Those that elect to terminate are matched together.  We discuss this subject and verify beliefs a second time during the match meeting with a professional (mental health counselor) present who asks all parties to express their opinions to each other. The third check occurs when the legal contracts are created for each party by their independent attorneys. In the contracts, their opinions are memorialized in writing. Everyone is notified that a woman has a right over her own body.  There were several other huge missteps in the handling of this case, including the screening of the surrogate mother for economic stability and also not informing her that an egg donor was used. We also have to wonder if there was a counselor or mental health professional involved, as well an independent attorney experienced in representing surrogate mothers. Plus offering money to terminate a pregnancy or to persuade a surrogate mother to do something she does not want to do is not a solution. It will most likely lead her to becoming more adamant about her own feelings. Money complicates surrogacy. A professional needs to be involved that understands the complexity of the situation and the issue should have been handled with sensitivity, not with attorneys and money. Over the next couple of weeks and beyond, a debate will ensue about the rights and beliefs of surrogate mothers and intended parents about terminating a pregnancy. Unfortunately that is the wrong discussion. Instead, we need more discussion about how surrogate mothers and intended parents can find the right professionals who will properly guide them in this process. We firmly believe that all parties have a right to their beliefs about terminating a pregnancy and no one should be persuaded or coerced into changing them. But this vetting needs to take place BEFORE a match happens and then repeated until no further doubt remains that surrogate mothers and intended parents are in agreement. Reputable agencies working with experienced attorneys and mental health professionals know how to facilitate the proper screening and matching of intended parents and surrogate mothers so this type of headline grabbing outcome is prevented, and, in its place, a family is created with their help of their wonderful and generous surrogate mother. So what should surrogates and intended parents do? Be assured surrogacy works if done right. But there can be no shortcuts because shortcuts lead to mistakes that eventually will have to be dealt with, sometimes disastrously. Not every surrogate mother is the right match for every intended parent. Matches are a process, not blind luck. Our advice is to surround yourself with skilled professionals in the field of surrogacy who will pave the way for an uneventful journey. Doing surrogacy yourself ,or with inexperienced individuals who call themselves "professionals" or an "agency," means every hill is a mountain because they lack the necessary knowledge.

[cspagency]

[cspagency]

California Enacts Landmark Legislation Giving Same Sex Parents Via Surrogacy Equal Parenting Rights

Bill's Passage Is Culmination of 20-Year Campaign by Center for Surrogate Parenting Encino, CA, October 16. 2012: Legislative history was made on September 23, 2012, when California Governor Jerry Brown signed AB 1217, a ground- breaking bill that amends the Uniform Parentage Act and affords same sex couples conceiving children through surrogacy the same parental rights and protections as other parents in the state. California has taken the unprecedented step of changing the legal definition of "intended parent" to be "an individual, married or unmarried," making it legislatively illegal to discriminate against same sex parents both before and after their children are born from surrogacy arrangements. California Assemblyman Felipe Fuentes sponsored the bill, which took two years to pass. This effort was spearheaded by attorney Bill Handel and Karen Synesiou, co-owners of the Center for Surrogate Parenting (CSP). The agency has been a pioneer in helping same sex couples create families and was the first in the world to help a gay couple become parents via surrogacy 28 years ago. They collaborated with reproductive attorneys Andy Vorizmer and Dean Masserman to draft the law with Assemblyman Fuentes. CSP and the law firm of Vorzimer Masserman have earned a worldwide reputation for their work with gay couples in surrogacy arrangements, amongst them Elton John and David Furnish, proud parents of Zackary born in 2010. In addition to founding CSP, Bill Handel, is the most listened to radio talk show host at Los Angeles' KFIAM 640, and has been committed to LGBT rights issues for his entire 27-year broadcasting career.  About the Center for Surrogate Parenting The Center for Surrogate Parenting (CSP) was established in 1980 and has over 1,700 babies born to the program, making it the most experienced surrogacy agency in the world. Learn more at www.creatingfamilies.com Contact: Terri Davidson Center for Surrogate Parenting 978-273-0254 [email protected]

[cspagency]

Embracing The New Normal, Warts and All

Ever since it was announced as part of the fall television line-up, there’s been a lot of buzz and excitement about the new NBC television show "The New Normal." Haven't heard about it or don't watch TV? Well, here is the recap: Brian, a television producer (aka the show's actual producer Ryan Murphy of "Glee" fame), and David, an OB/GYN, are a gay couple in LA who decide to hire a surrogate to have their baby. Goldie, the surrogate has an adorable precocious daughter, Shania, and an ultra bigoted nana, Jane, who frequently verbally spars with the would-be dads and with Rocky, Brian's African-American assistant. The show is being hailed as a game changer that hopefully will mold the public's perception of surrogacy and gay parenting in a positive way. Lots of folks, from peers in the surrogacy field to gay parents to television critics, have high hopes for the show and have weighed in on it, giving their unique spin on its groundbreaking nature while pointing out the mistakes, flaws, and exaggerations about surrogacy and gay parenting that the show's creators seem to have overlooked.  As a surrogacy agency, the Center for Surrogate Parenting wants to make sure that surrogacy and gay parenting are portrayed accurately and in the best possible light. However, we're not television producers or TV critics, so it's hard to be objective when we're so close to the subject matter. We’re not really qualified to say whether it is a good or bad comedy, whether it will live up to its expectations or if it can be compared to "Modern Family" in its portrayal of a gay family. We don’t know whether it will last long enough to see a full season, let alone a second one. But we hope it hits its stride in developing its characters and moving along the plot to depict the profound, life-changing nature of surrogacy and gay parenting. Like many sitcoms, it is unrealistic and overly exaggerated, often portraying its characters as stereotypes. Unfortunately the first couple of shows are filled with a multitude of mistakes about the complexity of gay surrogacy. These errors range from David's and Brian's rapid-fire decision-making process about starting a family to Goldie's motivations and qualifications for becoming a surrogate. Goldie would not have passed muster at CSP since her rationale for becoming a surrogate was focused primarily on changing her life, i.e., needing the money for law school, and she further would have been disqualified because she has no other income and arrived in LA without family support. She also is being paid much more than a typical first-time surrogate and she is living in David's and Brian’s guesthouse, which is a definite no-no. The show portrays the agency head as a one-dimensional caricature and the embryo transfer is performed at the agency instead of the clinic! No lawyer is involved and the fertility doctor seems missing in action, e.g., David gives Goldie her pregnancy test. We could go on and on, but will anyone but those who work in the field or have experienced surrogacy recognize and remember these errors? Will the TV-viewing public care about these mistakes if they care about the characters or find them funny? Will these flaws change the audience's perception of surrogacy and gay family building? They probably will not. So isn’t it better to look at the big picture and focus on the show’s many good qualities and its trailblazing nature? When we became the first surrogacy agency in the world to help a gay couple have a baby, we never could have imagined the existence of The New Normal 25 years later. And though it may fail to show the many accurate details of the complex surrogacy experience, it still has managed to convey the love between the two prospective dads and the respect they are showing their surrogate, even if there is a lot of inappropriate boundary-crossing. We hope that subsequent episodes will depict the burgeoning relationship that Goldie, Shania, David and Brian are creating, as well as more correctly depict surrogacy. We also hope this show becomes part of many television watchers' "normal" must-see TV routine. Tell us what you think of The New Normal? Has it met your expectations? Do you think it will succeed?