garden full of coffins.

indie rp. 30+ mun. they / she.

[cthoniian]

- 𝚙𝚒𝚗𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚝 -

this is an independent, private, multimuse blog. fandoms include literature / popular books, fantasy muses, anime, marvel / xmen, dc, and asoiaf / fire and blood, and mythologies ( primarily greek / roman at the moment ). limited formatting. no icons. VERY low activity. i'm feral and post too much ooc. if it fits i ship.

themes explored :: depression and its connections to self identity. the lingering tendrils of grief. the intrinsic and high cost of magic. those left behind and abandoned but enduring and persevering. the grotesqueness of love felt so deeply you are left gutted by it.

traumtised by #rowan ( they / she | 31 )

carrd - complete muse list

graphics by @riderheart.

[cthoniian]

ilya rozanov is almost enough to tempt me back.

[cthoniian]

i’m here to say one thing.

the baratheons are my faves and this show shows us why ~

[cthoniian]

tomorrow i’m making a multi. this will be incredibly casual. it will be primarily for people i know / who i’ve communicated with in the past year.

so let me know if you wanna follow.

[cthoniian]

the worse my mental health the more i’m tempted to come back.

[cthoniian]

the desire to return is never zero.

[cthoniian]

life got a little better. then it got worse. then it’s okay. now i’m not.

[cthoniian]

hi. thought the ooc was at an end eh? wronggggg.

so. things are still up in the air with my mom. none of it good. i currently have a little extra time on my hand. but im desperately chasing dopamine. so. im going to probably just??? do whatever drafts / asks strike me from whenever vs trying to get to my oldest first.

im also not claiming that anything will happen. sometimes it’ll just be me posting ooc all day. i am so fucking depressed and anxious i can barely function. so.

all my bad qualities!! about to be worse.

if you’re interested in writing on discord lmk. thats where im gonna direct as much of my attention as i can rn. bc it offers me a chance for, hiding???? idk.

im really not okay and it’s nothing anyone can do because life is a fucking dick and i have to function the best i can.

im also in a lupus / eds flare and i feel fucking awful even aside from what’s going on with my mom.

long story short, her cancer has seemingly metastasized into her blood? so it isn’t a tumor, but just, cancer in her bloodstream. and her mobility and pain and mental health has been officially going down. she’s currently in a specialised health / rehab facility for likely about a week. and we won’t know what comes next for the cancer journey until the 11th.

this also means, what was supposedly nearing the end of the worst, instead heralds the beginning of the worse. i don’t even know if she wants continued treatment or if she’d rather let cancer take its course.

i keep having breakdowns and sobbing today. so. im gonna go read my silly novels and write my silly replies. and pretend that for tonight, im okay.

[cthoniian]

this is a discord only notice - ill be on tumblr hiatus for the foreseeable future.

( meaning discord is where all my attention will be and i’ll periodically pop on here via mobile but i don’t expect much )

[cthoniian]

wild that this was a year ago.

[cthoniian]

hey. so. if you thought i’d have calmed down yet about the whole, people calling our anger at trump voters ‘ drama ‘ and over reaction? yeah no. take a look at his first fucking 5 DAYS IN OFFICE and tell me he isn’t someone who should have been stopped. he’s HARMING PEOPLE YALL. YOU FUCKING VOTEDF OR SOMEONE WHOSE HARMING PEOPLE????? and you told us to get over it. and you told us we were being irrational and angry. you told us we were overreacting.

we weren’t.

so yeah. i’m still not on this blog. until i decide what to do here. because i’m not happy with how fast people moved on. because i’m still here. i’m still angry. i’m still hurt. so yeah. idk. catch me later ~

[cthoniian]

hey remember how people thought i was over reacting and dramatic? :) and how i should just let people learn and grow? yeah. i’m sorry. a bill that will defund MILLIONS of disabled people, OF ALL ETHINTICITIES, DISABILITIES, and varieties!!! will now be unable to afford their medications!

personally i’m already trying to figure out which ones i can do without tanking my health :)

[cthoniian]

i gained a social life. like. it’s weird. also i watch kdramas with my best friend as much as we’re able. and i read a lot. so. i??? want to be back. but i will probably drop everything and uber trim down muses!

[cthoniian]

oh also . happy end of pride u bunch of gays <3

[cthoniian]

i gained a social life. like. it’s weird. also i watch kdramas with my best friend as much as we’re able. and i read a lot. so. i??? want to be back. but i will probably drop everything and uber trim down muses!

[cthoniian]

i’ve returned to say one thing. MOLLYMAUK FUCKING TEALEAF LADYS GENts and NON BINARY FOLKS.

[cthoniian]

mmmm i’ve somehow gathered a bit of a social life. in addition to barely reading because kdramas exist? and atm if i came back i’m afraid i’d write a muse no one knew. the top contenders for returning to a solo blog are as. followed : katniss, haymitch, cardan greenbriar ( is the heavy favourite of mine), laudna, fearne, or a dnd oc. as u might notice, i’m somewhat divorced from the main bookish fandoms rn. this is partly by design. anyway. i dont know what i’ll return with, but i’ll be back eventually. i’m just learning how to have a social life yknow.

[cthoniian]

i’m alive. i have porple hair. and my pets keep me awake all night & wake me early morning. when i come back it’ll be like, less than 10 muses.

[cthoniian]

sup. i’m a purple haired bitch now.

[cthoniian]

huh. smells better ‘round here. anyway who read sunrise on the reaping and cried. bc me.

[cthoniian]

hey. so. if you thought i’d have calmed down yet about the whole, people calling our anger at trump voters ‘ drama ‘ and over reaction? yeah no. take a look at his first fucking 5 DAYS IN OFFICE and tell me he isn’t someone who should have been stopped. he’s HARMING PEOPLE YALL. YOU FUCKING VOTEDF OR SOMEONE WHOSE HARMING PEOPLE????? and you told us to get over it. and you told us we were being irrational and angry. you told us we were overreacting.

we weren’t.

so yeah. i’m still not on this blog. until i decide what to do here. because i’m not happy with how fast people moved on. because i’m still here. i’m still angry. i’m still hurt. so yeah. idk. catch me later ~