Okay so at least one person expressed interest and I’m already in a mood for telling it so here goes: The story of how I burned my teacher with a pumpkin.
It was... I think my sophomore or junior year of high school, and the school thought it would be a really cool idea to have a pumpkin painting contest for study hall classrooms. Not pumpkin carving, because 1: carving tools with high school students is a recipe for disaster and 2: ew rotting pumpkins on display afterwards. Anyways, there weren’t actually enough pumpkins for all the classrooms, so some rooms got theirs as much as a whole week late.
Except my chemistry teacher’s study hall. His class got theirs on the very last day of the contest, so instead of fighting to paint something quick and sloppy, my chemistry teacher says “fuck it” and promises his students he’ll do something really cool with it if they carve it. So the class pulls off the most stereotypical jack o’lantern ever, and he shows them the really cool thing.
Fortunately, my chemistry class is immediately after study hall, or else I may have never been able to witness the badassery he pulled off.
Here’s what he did: he carved a notch in the back-bottom of the pumpkin, set a funnel on the inside with the narrow end pointing out, and attached some rubber hose to the narrow end of the funnel. About 2-3 feet worth. He then places some kind of powder in the open end of the funnel. (He explained what it actually was but we were too excited and it was 11-12 years ago, cut me some slack)
So he stands back, blows into the rubber hose, and FWOOSH. Flame-thrower jack o’lantern. Badass, right? Well, it gets better. He lets the students try it out.
You can already see where this is headed. It gets to be my turn, and I’m just so psyched because the chemistry teacher is letting students play with flamethrower jack o’lanterns how awesome is that. But I don’t notice two things.
A: The lid to the jack o’lantern isn’t sitting on it properly
B: The teacher’s hand is sitting right on top of the pumpkin
So, excitable little brat that I was, I take the deepest breath possible and blow as hard as I can into the rubber tubing.
Flames shoot out the top of the pumpkin, and my chemistry teacher YELPS and jumps back, slamming his body into the chalkboard.
Students were no longer allowed to use the flamethrower pumpkin themselves, they could only watch as he showed it to his other classes. And it was all my fault that no one else after me got to experience the pure joy of this badassery.
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