bittersweet distractors

@cullendakingconfidential

cullen daking. twenty eight. good samaritan, washed-up surfer, exceptionally gifted napper.

48 posts

tessaleicester:

If your brother looks anything like you I’d be in the same spot, dude. Not too terrible, you say? Let me pretend to consider. You know, I think my answer is yes. Well, hey, I think I’d still have people coming for my throat if you like legit asked me to marry you, how about we stick with dinner first? I’m fucking hungry. You probably won’t want to propose after you see me chow down anyways.

He’s a little more weaselly. We give him a little more love and admiration to make up for the loss. I think they’d be confused at the sudden arrangement but you know, whatever suits you better.

I wouldn’t be able to judge, trust me. I admire a woman who can grub. Living life, mate.

tessaleicester:

Well I didn’t say we’d be fighting each other, I just meant in general. I mean, you’re right, but I’d hate to wreck that pretty face of yours. Think of all the fangirls that would want me dead. I’d have to leave the country.

That was absolutely smooth as shit and I don’t even have a witty response. At the risk of sounding too desperate I’m gonna pretend to have to think about it for a minute. You can give me like a proper proposal while we wait, how about that? Make your pitch like I’m not gonna say ‘hell yeah’.

That’s alright. I’d just plug my brother in instead, have him take the fall and call it good. I mean that’s what brothers are for. I’d have you covered. I mean, grabbing a few drinks or dinner I’m hoping wouldn’t be too terrible. Although, if we’re going for the full proper date proposal effect I could get down on one knee.

#tessa #ooc: he is such a dumbass

tessaleicester:

Maybe he is, and we just can’t see it since he’s facing the other way. She’s pretty badass, it’s true. Except, who do you think would win in a fight, me or her? I’m just wondering. Cause I think I know the answer but you could be wrong too.

Uhhhh no, nope. I mean, it’s kinda funny– but it’s more of like a third or fourth date kind of story, you know?

I think neither of you would fight each other and instead single handedly kick my ass instead is the general vibe I’m feelin’.

Sounds fair enough. I guess this is the perfect time to ask for the first one.

tessaleicester:

Well if he tries some shit she’ll take him out, I know that for sure. The type of shit meaning us maybe slightly burglarizing our nonexistent neighbours? He did do a good job, I’m like pretty glad I’m not going to jail again– I mean, ever. Not once.

Yeah, I think everyone would learn quick not to underestimate her and if you did, it’d probably be the last mistake you made... ever. I don’t know how Dan’s not shittin’ his pants. She terrifies me. Love her and she’s rad but she’s bloody terrifying.

Never, not once. I’m guessing there’s totally no story behind that either?

tessaleicester:

This is the best conversation I’ve ever had.

Dan– that must be your friend? The one who looks like he’s very obviously hitting on Hayden? I hope she doesn’t punch him in the dick or something…well, mostly.

Dan? Yeah, he’s my mate. Bless Hayden’s soul. She has no idea what she’s getting herself into. Maybe a punch in the dick would do him good but he’d also probably talk his way out of it. I mean, you heard first hand the kind of shit he can talk himself out of.

tessaleicester:

A good majority of them are probably full of it and would actually shit themselves if you really tried to choke them, but there’s always the small percentage that would like be living for it. Wait, do you like actually have kids or am I stupid?

I mean, I’d probably shit myself if I tried to choke anyone. Anyone who would live for it probably earned it.

Nah, no kids. Unless we are actually counting Dan. If that’s the case, I have one.

tessaleicester:

Oh my god. They asked you like, to your face? Holy shit. That’s some confidence even I don’t have. Children– oh, you mean they call you daddy? Yeah, that’s about right. Although, not really in the context you’re saying I don’t think. But maybe it’s better if you don’t think about that.

Yeah, to the face. They’ve got balls, got to give them that. I’ve still never figured out how to answer that one, though. Yeah, I’ve kind of been to terrified to actually figure out why. I already have enough children with dealing with that one talking with our friend over there.

tessaleicester:

Ooh, like what? I mean not that I’m asking for tips– just curious. ‘Internet lingo’ oh my god, that’s so cute. It’s a big beautiful dumpster fire you can’t really look away from, that’s for sure.

Well, there’ve been a few times I’ve been asked to choke people, so that’s kind of the tip of that iceberg. Yeah, and apparently the home of many, many of children I didn’t know I had.

tessaleicester:

Hey, me too! Only when I’m drunk though.

So, this is actually a milestone for me though because I’ve never met a famous person before. Would it be entirely not-classy to ask you to sign my bra or something?

I mean, I’ve had a little more provocative things asked of me. That seems merely innocent at this rate especially, you know, now that I’m starting to get the drift of the internet’s lingo nowadays. Shit’s fucking weird, mate.

tessaleicester:

Oh– holy fuck, that’s where I know you from! It was fucking bothering me this whole time, jesus. And that makes sense, Hayden did mention you parading around in a cape with a hammer and I just figured it was like some larping shit– which like, if you’re into that too that’s totally your business, whatever– but, anyways yeah I’m really just a model citizen to be honest. I should get more recognition.

Yeah, I casually play dress up from time to time. If we’re getting really festive I might even throw in a wig.

Yeah, guilty as charged. That’s me. Just your friendly neighborhood ghostbuster with the way I see it. Pretty much a legend, if you ask me.

tessaleicester:

Damn, you’re pretty serious. It more so just bugged the shit out of me to not know, I like to know 100% of all the drama all the time. But I am only two doors down and if it had sat there any longer it would have really started to stink up the hallway, and I don’t think I could bake enough of anything to cover it.

After playing a dude who has a fishy brother, you tend to get a little more alert on shit but I suppose that’s where you and I differ. I’m alert but I try and stay away from the drama part. Not that there’s anything wrong with that but that apartment sure as hell tickled the curiosity. And if you’re that close, there’s no denying that something had to be done.

tessaleicester:

I don’t know if you’re agreeing with me to be nice or not but I like you, Cullen. Like, probably? I don’t care enough to call anyone though, just to bust the door down myself apparently. It’s some bullshit if they’re not paying though, I get like 50 phone calls and a note under my door if I’m even late on rent.

Nah, it’s a 100% genuine as shit. I don’t kid around about apartment number 407. Fair enough. If it ain’t effecting you directly the state of their place shouldn’t be your problem. I’d hate to be the next tenant of that shit hole, from how you describe. Yeah, they don’t sleep on the fact someone could be five minutes late and immediately pounce on it.

tessaleicester:

Right? God, finally someone who appreciates my breaking and entering. Not that I saw honestly, it didn’t look like anyone had set foot in there in probably months. So nasty. You couldn’t pay me to sit on any of the furniture and I’ll do almost anything for money, it was that bad.

Well, someone had to do it for the sake of sanity of living under the same general roof. Jesus. Shouldn’t there be some kind of health code violation or some shit for that? Makes you wonder who even pays the rent for that place. Sounds pretty bad.

tessaleicester:

That’s what I’m saying! Everyone’s been wondering about it I’m just the only one who actually like…took action. It’s kind of a dumpster fire in there, I was a little disappointed. No ghosts, just a lot of trash and dirt.

I applaud you ladies. You’re doing the complex a service even if the police don’t know it. Were there even signs of anyone actually living there?

tessaleicester:

Be honest, have you ever seen anyone leave that apartment? It’s entirely fucking sketchy, and the door was way too easy to get open so it’s really not my fault. Nobody wants a ghost living next door.

Well, if we are being honest, I’ve never even seen anyone actually go in it. And yet there’s always something happening in there. But, got to admit, this is probably the most excitement that room has seen in a while.

tessaleicester:

He seems to like talking, that’s for sure. Not that I’m not like, grateful for the help, you know, but…yeah exactly, I was just being a really good neighbour. Totally.

Listen, no one needs to be singing fucking Christmas songs in the middle of March. It’s just not right.

Theeere it is. I agree. I honestly don’t blame you for going in. I’m just kind of shocked it didn’t happened sooner, if I’m being honest. Either way, I see both scenarios as just trying to be a good neighbour.

tessaleicester:

I guess it’s good for us you have experience in that area, then? Your roommate sounds….charming, Cullen. Really. I’m like 76% sure it was gas and it would have been terrible if I just let it go and let the whole building burn down– is the cop out of earshot? I’m sticking to that story but I’m over talking about gas, my god.

He’s, uh... he’s a breed of his own kind. I can’t really speak on his behalf. Oh yes, of course. Just looking out for the welfare of your neighbor. Totally get it.

The other 24% wouldn’t have anything at all to do with Hayden’s annoyance at their music choice now, would it?

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