[sheispoetrying]

[inkskinned]

sometimes it’s like. i’m going back to my house. sometimes it’s “let’s go back to…” and you don’t know which word to use to sum up the building. sometimes you wake up to a text from your mother and have to shift all your plans to run home and sometimes you wake up and you are home. two nights ago i was confused about which bed i was still in. i sleep upside-down still, like i do at the house where my parents live. i don’t have as many nightmares as i once did. 

sometimes you’re in the car and you’re wondering - where the fuck am i going? what am i doing? why don’t i just go do anything else?

and sometimes you’re in the car and you’re wondering - how did i get so lucky? how is this real? am i grateful enough for all that has been done for me?

sometimes you type the text you shouldn’t send and you send it. and sometimes you don’t send it but you do have a full conversation with your dog about it. and sometimes you aren’t really sad yet but you can feel it percolating under the surface, hissing like it knows it will overcome you if you let it. and sometimes you aren’t really happy yet either but you get the same kind of something; a beautifully fine edge like the hair on the back of her neck. like if you reach out you could brush against a meadowed life. and sometimes quiet is just comfortable and sometimes it’s what isn’t being said and sometimes it’s a horrible exit. 

and you want to tell your past self - we made it out and we found a home! but you know she wouldn’t understand, because she doesn’t know what home is yet. and besides, you still say “im going home for the holidays”. you mess up and call the hotel home when you mean safe. sitting around a campfire, you find a warmth inside of their laughter, you mess up and call that feeling lovely when you mean belonging. 

and sometimes you’re like - wow! i’m really glad i’m alone for this. and sometimes it’s like. fuck thank god im not alone anymore. and you aren’t alone anymore. or if you are alone, you’re okay with it, because you are someone else now, and can be alone and happy about it. 

and sometimes it’s like. my childhood ended. i don’t know when. but i’m about to go close another part of it. i am aging, or i did age somewhere and forgot to notice it. the spoons are where we keep them, but the back of my hands have new scars and my sense of time is different.

i type - hi! i’m sorry to reschedule. i have to run home for a moment - and then go back and type i have to run to my parents’ house and then type i’ll be out of town. i don’t know where i am or where i’m going. i write home in the fog of my windowpane, and watch as snow starts falling.

[cumfortlove]

“It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the sound I heard when I was 9 and my father slammed the front door so hard behind him I swear to god it shook the whole house. For the next 3 years I watched my mother break her teeth on vodka bottles. I think she stopped breathing when he left. I think part of her died. I think he took her heart with him when he walked out. Her chest is empty, just a shattered mess or cracked ribs and depression pills. It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s all the blood in the sink. It’s the night that I spent 12 hours in the emergency room waiting to see if my sister was going to be okay, after the boy she loved, told her he didn’t love her anymore. It’s the crying, and the fluorescent lights, and white sneakers and pale faces and shaky breaths and blood. So much blood. It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the time that I had to stay up for two days straight with my best friend while she cried and shrieked and threw up on my bedroom floor because her boyfriend fucked his ex. I swear to god she still has tear streaks stained onto her cheeks. I think when you love someone, it never really goes away. It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the six weeks we had a substitute in English because our teacher was getting divorced and couldn’t handle getting out of bed. When she came back she was smiling. But her hands shook so hard when she held her coffee, you could see that something was broken inside. And sometimes when things break, you can’t fix them. Nothing ever goes back to how it was. I got an A in English that year. I think her head was always spinning too hard to read any essays. It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s that I do.”

— It’s not that I don’t love you.  (via extrasad)

[cumfortlove]

“6 Things I’ve learned from my break up’s (1.) You can’t fucking fix people. Sometimes we believe that when people are broken it is our job to fix them, but you can’t fix a broken person with another broken person. You can’t make yourself feel better or deserving of love by trying to make another person feel deserving of love by loving you. People are not problems, they are not lumps of clay that you can mold and sculpt into whatever you desire. People are not welcoming to change. It takes the right person to make someone want to and no matter how hard you try sometimes that person just isn’t you. (2.) It’s true what they say about being unhappy. If you don’t feel the same about a person anymore or feel like you’re constantly looking for something you used to find in them in others all you need to do is leave. There is no point in staying with someone out of guilt, or loneliness or the feeling that you are trapped you are not. This is always been two sided. If you feel that they are not showing you the same effort and you are tired of being let down or making excuses as to why you are treated the way you are to others then leave. If you feel like you just don’t want the relationship anymore then leave, If you feel like you are just taking it day by day then leave. You are not just hurting them by staying and cheating or staying and waiting for a change you are hurting yourself, there is no need to keep a relationship if you feel that it has ran its course when the love just isn’t there anymore. (3.) It is never wrong to put yourself first when you are the one hurting. You should not ever feel guilty about leaving someone when the love is not the same for you anymore. You should never let yourself be sucked back into a relationship just because they’re tears were louder than your heart telling you that it was okay. It was not okay, you were not okay, you gave so much of your time to someone who thought it was a right to have it and not return it to you, you were not wrong. A relationship is an equal two people giving each other they’re time and love. There is no percentage of amounts of who gives who more because at the end of the day, how you’re feeling about them is what shows you how much you love them, not the numbers in your head or the times you counted them telling you “I love you” you are just as important, you matter. Your feelings matter. You are allowed to leave to better yourself. (4.) People can’t be crutches. People are not things to love when you are lonely. People are not things you can hold onto when you need something to release sexual tension. You can’t keep someone around for your pure pleasure when you know that they would almost do anything for you. You can’t keep someone around like that just to make you feel like you have power over them. That kind of hold on someone will blow up in your face and you will break, they will break, and they’re heart will break into a million pieces and that person will never be able to love the same way again. All you are doing is breaking a loyal person who wanted nothing more than to be loved by someone they thought put the stars in the sky. (5.) Sometimes the “forever” you promised is just a number of days. nothing is eternal unless it is meant to be and what is meant to be will always find it’s way, but sometimes it gets caught in a little detour along the way and people fall in love to learn lessons. I’ve learned my lesson. Seeing a future with someone can go one of two ways. One, you either see a future together and you make it happen, Or two you see a future together and you fall in love with the idea of a future together. This is something I’ve fallen victim to, many times. Don’t feel discouraged that it didn’t happen. This is just another step closer to finding the real forever. Just remember you’re almost there. (6.) Sometimes shit just doesn’t work out. Relationships come and go, people find love everyday but just because it doesn’t work once doesn’t mean it never will. You don’t need anybody. You are independent, you are strong, and you are worthy of love. Remember to always keep your head high and you mind open, love will find you someday and when it does the wait will feel like just another amount of time that was worth all the heart break.”

— (via kimberlymarie15)

[i-wrotethisforme]

14 months ago we were talking about where our beach house was going to be, because you wanted west coast and I wanted southeast. 17 months ago I went with you to the doctor and I sat in the waiting room and I filled out your forms with information I knew as well as my own. 8 months ago I got rid of the car you helped me pick out. The car that two years ago you drove home from that bar on the lake after three martinis and a little too much sun. A year ago you were my life and now I have an apartment that you’ve never seen. Today, I realized I was wearing an outfit that you’ve never touched any part of except for the earrings, so I took them off. I never think about how my life and everything it revolves around can so drastically change, until it does. And it always does. But the same way someone you once knew everything about becomes a stranger, strangers can become someone you know everything about. And there’s one out there right now whose name you don’t even know, who will one day help you name your child.

[certan]

Don’t drink and drive your dog won’t understand why you never came home

[skinxpapi]

Aw fuck damn my heart

[mymodernmet]

Illustrator Lili Chin’s adorable series Dogs of the World illustrates 192 breeds of dogs grouped according to geographical origin.

[ivyarchive]

More:

[doingitforthevine-deactivated20]

tbh i never wanted this post to end

[zombies-ofthenight]

I want them all

[adrenaline]

[lesbianlucysnowe]

[wnq-writers]

1. No matter how much you wish or beg someone to stay, if they don’t want to stay, they won’t. People leave when they find that it will benefit them more to do so than stay by your side. 2. Even when it feels like it, caring is not a bad thing. You cannot care or love someone too much. It is their choice to love you back with such a passion that it is equal. If they do not, it doesn’t mean that you’re caring too much. Do not love less just to match someone else’s love. You deserve better than that. So love and care without limit. One day someone will love you the same way. 3. People are going to say things about you. Society is going to try to turn you into someone that fits their standards. People are going to assume things that aren’t true just because that’s what “most people would do” in your situation. You don’t have to follow the rules. People that matter, people that care, don’t want someone like everyone else. Different is good, no matter what people will think. It’s worth it. 4. Things get better. Life is always throwing things at you, some bad and some good. The good things make it worth it. Focus on that, no matter what. Living is worth it, getting out of bed and facing your fears is worth it. It may not feel like it, but as long as you know it, one day, you’ll believe it.

dream-poet349,   writing prompt #62: list 3-10 pieces of advice you’d give yourself (via wnq-writers)

[saying]

[lilgivenchyprincess]

[lowkeybaddiee-deactivated202109]

[u-r-home]

sometime in the near future you will wake up at 3AM beside the person you love most in the world; wearing next to nothing, you will touch their cheek and they will sleepily pull you closer. the sky will be pink and gold and reflecting onto your love’s bare back. you will feel safe and secure.

[mariecxox-blog]

[ruanv]

[wordsnquotes]

Acting like you don’t care is not letting it go.

Penelope Douglas, Bully

(via wordsnquotes)