zoinks!

Gab, 30, NYC. (she/her)

[britneyspears]

Britney as Abby on How I Met Your Mother (2008)

[catcrumb]

[newyork]

you can start today btw

[throathole]

Oh thanks but what the fuck does any of that mean

[anariel-the-elrond-apologist]

I’ve seen quite a few of these in my time, but this one takes the cake.

[throathole]

This is fucking killing me

Golp: a roundel purpure.

Repeat this to yourself until it begins to have meaning

[a-book-of-creatures]

Okay then since some of you need to be reminded of this:

Roundels are circles in heraldry. They are named according to their color, which also has its own lingo. Let’s meet them!

Bezant: roundel or (gold) 🟡

Plate: roundel argent (silver) ⚪️

Torteau: roundel gules (red) 🔴

Pomme: roundel vert (green) 🟢

Hurt: roundel azure (blue) 🔵

Golp: roundel purpure (purple) 🟣

Pellet: roundel sable (black) ⚫️

If your field is strewn with roundels, you can describe it appropriately as being bezanty, hurty, golpy, and so on.

[cognitohazardous]

[junk-thunder]

i've survived far worse. i've also died to far less though so who knows

[oneheadtoanother]

[grand-theft-carbohydrates]

[luntfontanne]

holy shit

[catsbeaversandducks]

"no"

By yuki_illust19

[papayajuan2019]

paper and pen seems so powerful now. on account of all the. surveillance

[marmorada]

[5everandever-deactivated2026050]

[never-a-good-thing-to-have-deac]

Wait… Isn’t Ed Balls day coming up? ED BALLS DAY, I HAVE TO GET READY TO CELEBRATE 

[thewalrusfrompingu]

What’s Ed Balls day?

[never-a-good-thing-to-have-deac]

Omg, okay explanation time. 

On the 28th of April, 2011, Ed Balls got a Twitter account. He decided (as most people under the spotlight do) to attempted to look up his own name. However, all he did was tweet “Ed Balls”. This, for some reason, got retweeted by THOUSANDS of people. On a global scale. And because he didn’t know you could delete a tweet it stayed. Every year since then,the 28th of April is Ed Balls day. 

This is the infamous tweet

and here are some gems to celebrate that have followed the years, including last year where they framed the tweet and got him to sign it for charity

There are also LOADS MORE in this article from the Telegraph

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/general-election-2015/11566593/Ed-Balls-Day-fourth-anniversary-of-that-tweet.html 

[never-a-good-thing-to-have-deac]

HAPPY ED BALLS DAY 2017 WOOOP

[never-a-good-thing-to-have-deac]

Now that the clock has struck midnight…

HAPPY ED BALLS DAY 2018 WOOOOOOOOOOP

[lavender-and-red]

IT’S HERE

[flapjacques]

[aggot]

weather so nice i've decided to free a hostage

[flagellant]

kill the shift manager in your brain

[flagellant]

you are not wasting time you are vibing. you are not being unproductive you are literally chilling. make a grill cheese with cheddar cheese and slather a piece of the bread with some honey and maybe you'll relax

[foulmiraclekitty]

...ok but what if the shift manager is actually right

[flagellant]

you are a minor so i will say this with absolute confidence as an adult: there is not a single time on the history of this planet that a shift manager has ever been right. and more seriously, in this metaphor: treating yourself like shit for not being productive doesn't actually make you more productive. it makes you treat yourself like shit.

[frethepotatohunter]

where are my headphones I can’t see without my headphones

[oswednesday]

one time at a funeral i panicked and said the first drink i could think of and the bartender made me the pina colada With all the fixings all the trims all the bells and whistles i didnt even ask imagine youre at a funeral and the person besides you is drinking a pina colada with whip cream as tall as the drink with a cherry and an umbrella, thats what happened to me

[clonerightsagenda]

When I was at the natural history museum, the fossil section had stickers on the glass to engage children - things like "Flap your arms like a pterodactyl" or "Measure your hand against the mosasaurus." However the first of these I encountered, which I found alarming and threatening without context, was a sticker reading "Struggle like you are stuck in a tar pit"

[clonerightsagenda]

I feel like more bright colors, an exclamation mark, or a more whimsical font choice would've also helped here to indicate that it is a Fun Activity For Children. Instead it felt like getting instructed in my inevitable fate by a road sign

[tragbarerpanzrabwehrkomplexfagot]