peachy 🌱

28 me

[bluebell-lace]

🦢 our lady of sorrows 🕯

[turnnoffyourmind]

Fire skies

Desierto de Atacama, Copiapó, Chile.

[thelondonzhiloh]

[curmvdgeon]

36 hours post delivery of the most beautiful baby girl in the world but I had an extremely traumatic delivery so much so that I’m not sure I could go through it again but I’m going to post it here since I don’t plan on posting it elsewhere and I need it out of my head.

Unfortunately she was JUST under 9lb and sunny side up which posed its own challenges that required uncomfortable maneuvers to get her to drop into my pelvis or else they were going to do a c section. Thankfully that was successful but I then had to labor down fully dilated and effaced for 5 hours without an effective epidural, until the OB said to cut the epidural because I needed to rely on the pressure to get her out to the point where I wasn’t able to stop pushing no matter what I did.

I had an extremely painful delivery, required an episiotomy and still tore in several directions because of her size and position. My body was so tired after that that I wasn’t contracting to deliver the placenta. Doctor applied gentle traction to the cord for a while until the cord broke off entirely, which meant he had to reach elbow deep into my uterus to scoop it out because I started hemorrhaging. Again, with a cut epidural so I felt everything. That was the most excruciating and traumatizing thing in the world.

Lidocaine didn’t work so I felt every stitch to repair but I was so out of it from blood loss that it almost didn’t matter. I was in a complete daze and could barely keep my eyes open.

Proceeded to pass out even after being given medications to stop the bleeding and didn’t get to hold my baby until 6 hours later because I was too weak.

36 hours later and I can barely walk and still get dizzy when I stand but she’s absolutely perfect.

[curmvdgeon]

I needed two units of blood after I posted this and my husband fights tears when he talks about it all 😮‍💨

[curmvdgeon]

36 hours post delivery of the most beautiful baby girl in the world but I had an extremely traumatic delivery so much so that I’m not sure I could go through it again but I’m going to post it here since I don’t plan on posting it elsewhere and I need it out of my head.

Unfortunately she was JUST under 9lb and sunny side up which posed its own challenges that required uncomfortable maneuvers to get her to drop into my pelvis or else they were going to do a c section. Thankfully that was successful but I then had to labor down fully dilated and effaced for 5 hours without an effective epidural, until the OB said to cut the epidural because I needed to rely on the pressure to get her out to the point where I wasn’t able to stop pushing no matter what I did.

I had an extremely painful delivery, required an episiotomy and still tore in several directions because of her size and position. My body was so tired after that that I wasn’t contracting to deliver the placenta. Doctor applied gentle traction to the cord for a while until the cord broke off entirely, which meant he had to reach elbow deep into my uterus to scoop it out because I started hemorrhaging. Again, with a cut epidural so I felt everything. That was the most excruciating and traumatizing thing in the world.

Lidocaine didn’t work so I felt every stitch to repair but I was so out of it from blood loss that it almost didn’t matter. I was in a complete daze and could barely keep my eyes open.

Proceeded to pass out even after being given medications to stop the bleeding and didn’t get to hold my baby until 6 hours later because I was too weak.

36 hours later and I can barely walk and still get dizzy when I stand but she’s absolutely perfect.

[curmvdgeon]

Tom bought me a Polaroid for my birthday and said “it’s to make memories with the baby,” and proceeded to snap a picture of me fully naked, 9 months pregnant, walking out of the nursery 🤦‍♀️

[ur-daily-inspiration]

[curmvdgeon]

6+1 today, hungry and nauseous but everything sounds absolutely vile rn. Literal water nearly had me throwing up 🤢

[curmvdgeon]

I’m only 5 weeks today and feeling this strong urge to pick up everything and move out of south Florida because I want to start over somewhere better for my kid. 😭

[curmvdgeon]

2 years ago, I had no idea we would be where we are in the throes of infertility. I suggested trying early because I thought PCOS would make conceiving hard, only to find out I was ovulating normally. After receiving some hard news about my husband’s semen analysis, we went down the path of hormones and tests and more analyses. It only got worse. Finally we made our IVF consult in November, had the appt in January, and today we got our first positive. God is so good all the time and I’m so thankful that TODAY I am pregnant. I’m praying that we get the good news and confirmation we need and that we continue with a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby 🙏🤞💕

I keep saying idk why I update this blog but I have an attachment to it. I made it when I was a depressed and angsty teen, so I feel the need to see it through to the best parts of my life and right now, I’m in one. Life gets better, it always does.

[curmvdgeon]

First PIO shot done and 5 days will be transfer day 💕 I’m sick to my stomach and praying to God this works

[curmvdgeon]

12 days til transfer and im screaming crying sick to my stomach over the wait. Im literally down in the worst way, so anxious, so hormonal, and so uncomfortable.

I feel like a broken record these days saying the same thing over and over so I just dump my brain here where nobody really sees and I don’t feel bad for saying the same pointless shit again.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk

[curmvdgeon]

I’m so sensitive from all these hormones.. husband said “the only way I’m leaving you is in a pine box and even that is temporary” and I SOBBED

S O B B E D

The same man who said he’d fill his pockets with dirt and take me everywhere when I asked if he’d love me if I was a worm 😭😭😭

[curmvdgeon]

25 days until we transfer our embryo and I am in shambles. The days feel so long and time is moving so slow. All I do is fill my time with dreaming about our future and leaving south Florida forever.

[curmvdgeon]

God is good all the time, 76% of our embryos made it which is UNHEARD of. Usually only 30-50% make it 🙏 feeling so blessed, all this hard work has been worth it

[curmvdgeon]

17 eggs retrieved, 14 were mature, 13 fertilized. I’m still recovering from my procedure but today is day 3 and all I can do is pray that my embryos keep growing and that they’re healthy. It’s so hard not being able to do anything now and I’m trying to keep occupied.

I’ve already marinated chicken today, pickled banana peppers and jalapeños from the garden, made a tomato sauce from the tomatoes and herbs in the garden, fried some tortilla chips and made guac, and I’m about to make some fried green tomatoes from the garden again. Because Lord knows if I don’t, I’m gonna start crying wondering how my embryos are doing 😅

[aaaangel444]