Legend of Zelda Characters and the Queer Crimes I Think They Would Commit
1. ALttP!Link (Hero of Legend) and/or EoW!Zelda (Priestess of Legend): Resisting Arrest
I like to think that most of the Zelda games take place in Hyrules that aren't regressive enough to criminalise being queer in and of itself. That said, some of those Hyrules have cops, or the equivalent, who think they can arrest you for no reason. Very sexy of both the Hero of Legend and Priestess of Legend to resist. Be queer do crimes.
Oh to be a cross-dressing female pirate with an ambiguous relationship with your fellow queer pirate, and with your own gender.
The relationship between Mary Read and Anne Bonny wasn't necessarily canon, but at least one writer from the time shipped it. I think Tetra should get to be queer and do crimes.
3. Tingle: Altruistic(?) Money Laundering
In this TEDx talk, Sister Angela Mary Doyle talks about how her organisation acted as "the most altruistic of money-launderers" to ensure that a local AIDS Council received funding during the early 80s.
You know who else is really good at cheating people out of their hard-earned money? Ravio. Wait, no. Tingle. That's right: Tingle. The very reincarnation of a fairy. Or something.
4. TP!Link (Hero of Twilight): Assaulting an officer
Did you know that a police horse counts as a police officer? And did you know that petting one counts as assault? TP!Link would pet the horse. You can't tell me he wouldn't.
5. BotW!Link (Hero of the Wilds): Having Gay Sex, Wearing Women's Clothes (+various other crimes of a non-specifically-queer nature)
Ok so purely based on vibes, if there was ever an era where gay sex or transvestism was illegal in Hyrule it would have been pre-Calamity BotW!Hyrule, in which case Link probably did crimes with at least one fellow soldier or Rito champion out of spite, as well as canonically wearing vai clothes to follow Zelda into Gerudo Town.
In the post-Calamity era, the law is dead, but property damage and arson are probably still frowned upon. These are not necessarily queer crimes in and of themselves, but what is a queer crime if not a crime committed by a queer person. Go off, figurative King.
+1. OoT/MM!Link (Hero of Time): Murder
Speaking of crimes that are not necessarily queer in and of themselves: did you know that Majora's Mask is the only Zelda game where you can kill an NPC that doesn't actually fight back? And get away with it? With no lasting repercussions and only minor short-term repercussions? Kids these days.
Uh. That's enough queer crimes from me for now. But feel free to add your own.
turnnoffyourmind
jacobvanloon
vaporwave
theartofmadeline
tangentwithtanner
dededos
kianamaiart
baratheonpilled
