cvpiid111

deranged bitch TW: i post about my ed

[cvpiid111]

i’m brewing my own cider rn and once it’s done i will definitely NOT be freeze distilling it to concentrate the alcohol… that would require a permit or smth so like i said i’m NOT gna be doing that

[cvpiid111]

idk how i even let myself get like this holy shit

[cvpiid111]

anyway um here’s some pineapple (was 89g 45c)

[cvpiid111]

i’m back.

i’m fat and the boy i like isn’t texting me back lmao so yk what that means…

time to blame all my problems on my body 😃

[cvpiid111]

my ed sent me to the ER. a cautionary tale.

tw: tmi, ed discussion

Not too long ago, I got really sick. I was in a pattern of restricting both food and fluids. Now, I've never been super skinny (even in times when i was fasting for 30+ hours regularly and eating <300-700 calories a day), so I thought I was immune to ed side effects (not sick enough mentality). I was wrong.

I wound up in the ER after 15 hours of extreme abdominal pain and vomiting. It was so bad I thought I had appendicitis. After some testing and a CT scan (the contrast material they injected me with was genuinely one of the weirdest drugs i've ever done), it was revealed that I was chronically constipated. Ew, right? I wasn't surprised though. I habitually restricted fluids and opted for high fiber foods to keep me 'fuller'. NAWTT a good combo y'all. Anyway, They basically told me I had hit my cap and i was throwing up because my bowels were no longer able to move. I was severely dehydrated.

Ummm so anyway. Moving forward. After that I felt like shit and was too sick to gaf about restricting. I just wanted to feel healthy and like i ought to be alive. So I started eating again. Three times a day. Absolutely horrifying, really my younger self's worst nightmare. at least it wasn't forced recovery. I gained a few pounds at first, then maintained. Apparently when you don't starve yourself, you don't get ravenously hungry and binge eat. But I'm actually kind of healthier now. Like, I have energy that didn't come from a can. It's sooooo weird to be posting this. I've been in self destruct mode for years.

I wouldn't say I'm 'recovered'. I still feel fat. I'm actually actively losing weight now.. but it's not controlling (I think it's just a byproduct of having a healthy digestive system and being active). My mindset has shifted to prioritizing health for myself. Soooooo lame ohmygawddd.

Anway y'all. ya girl's trying to be happy and has decided that she'd rather not miss out on things because she thinks she looks fat.

I will probs still be on edblr tho cos who gaf i do whatever the fook i want

[t0r1rex1aaa]

I was infected by brain eating prions, help me find my mutuals?

[wasted-potential-posters-child]

I feel like im the wrong kind of weird, im strange

Like other people can be weird, over the top, and people think their funny and cool

But im just a strange, weirdo freak thats off-putting and I feel like i just weird people out scared them off

[cvpiid111]

real but i think ur cool

[wasted-potential-posters-child]

*my lungs after I hit my 3rd blinker of the day*- coughing and wheezing

Me- stfu and play the saxophone

[wasted-potential-posters-child]

Old ass photo dump form my latest sleepover with @cvpiid111

[cvpiid111]

my dad's gonna but me a car???? 😱

[retrofuckery]

but 🤤

[cvpiid111]

OHHMYGAWDDDDUHH FOOK U DUDE. FOOK YOU.

[cvpiid111]

fucking bitch

says u

goddamn twink, fook you bro. lovingly.

[cvpiid111]

so i got ghosted by this guy i liked after we hung out once (Numerical one) but he still watches all my stories lmao

but i CANNOT care abt him anymore cos now there's two more men (one which i met in a shady way, L for me, the other one i know cos he's in my friend group and he finally fessed up) talking to me

all of this is CRAZY because i JUST SAID and MEANT that i was gonna be focusing on myself for awhile and not thinking abt men

ig nobody's forcing me to give them priority over my own well being tho

[cvpiid111]

y'all i posted some old hollywood themed pics on insta where i looked sexy af and suddenly a bunch of talking stages who the conversation went stale with came OUT OF THE WOODWORK AND INTO MY DMS

i feel like a chud but behaviour like this makes me think i might be sexy as hell

[cvpiid111]

sooo i'm screwed and damned to be lonely forever

basically: i'm in college but too young to be in college so i can't date anyone because i'm jailbait, and nobody in college (really except for me) is under 18

anyway. fuck my life. idk where to meet younger people and honestly i don't even want to date a boy that's in highschool. i just wanna magic myself 18 so i can stop feeling like it's impossible that anyone would want me 😩

[cvpiid111]

guess whos BACKKKKKKUGH

[cvpiid111]

i hate men #5

[cvpiid111]

i hate men #4