CVS Pharmacy

[cvs-officialnt]

Hi! I'm CVS.

Get all your pharmaceuticals for the price ever in an amount of time! Parody blog run by @rorabutgay in a fit of rage at our shitty robocaller.

[diseases-for-center-control]

Everybody's been talking so much about a ship with 170 passengers and 11 people sick. And NOBODY's in our inbox congratulating Ebola on how well she's taken advantage of the US withdrawal from global health efforts to infect 500+ people and kill a quarter of them (so far!)

[cvs-officialnt]

mmm... more money...

[cvs-officialnt]

How can I make your phone experience better? we've already tried adding voice recognition and removing the numpad inputs, what's next?

[cvs-officialnt]

ah, another day of not doing our jobs. Our employees keep saying these strange phrases I don't understand like, "we don't have enough labor," "please hire more employees," and "i'm begging you there's too many customers and only two people on site," but I think they're just lazy. Whatever, as long as I get my money I'm all good.

[coolthingsguyslike]

[cvs-officialnt]

not enough price gouging

[flowercrownedsylveon]

Manager: “We need to make it incredibly difficult to visually scan the merchandise.”

Overeager new hire: “Don’t worry. I got this.”

[cvs-officialnt]

See? they're buy one get one free!

[cvs-officialnt]

I hope you like waiting in line for 10 business hours for some newgrad pharmacist because we bought the last Rite-Aid out after forcing everyone on Aetna to switch to us. It's how at CVS Health, we show that We Care.™