*moments of months with Jeremiah until next Summer -takes place between the first and second seasons*
.Everyone knew Summer was Belly’s
.Yours was Fall, Autumn, sweater weather, spooky season, -“hot tea, lip gloss” whatever commodified name it was given these days -it was all yours
.It wasn’t the September chill or the violet dusk October brought, you didn’t like the cold and you missed the late sunsets. It was the inner warmth that came with Autumn that was nostalgic. Always huddled together -with Belly and Steven in the makeshift fort watching reruns of Halloweentown, with Laurel on your brisk walks to school or the bookstore; the checkered blankets replacing beach towels; the unspoken neighbourhood rules of everyone coming out in the evenings to rake up the ever falling leaves; the promise of baked goods; the smells of ginger and candied spices; everything coated in hues of yellow, orange and deep reds; as if the summer sun itself had come to rest beneath the earth’s soil
.School breaking for the holidays meant rushing off to the Fishers, the togetherness after being apart; the last hugs, the last fingertips brushing each other at dinner, the last stolen kisses -thats what you loved, especially this year, this last very final year
.Thanksgiving was for the found family, the blended family. Because Laurel and Susannah had never truly found anything they were more grateful for, but for having found each other
.The last togetherness, before next Summer
.You gently brushed through the hangers that lined the guest closet; your fingers rubbing against the bumps and sequins of every halloween costume Susannah and carefully crafted for you and Belly
.Blinking back tears not to smudge the already mess of black eyeliner you’d circled around your eyes
.Your dress felt too short, too tight, made the walls feel like they were closing in on you
.Taylor had decided the three of you were going as the ‘witches from Hocus Pocus’ -’the slutty versions’ she’d said so matter of fact -to your sisters growing dismay -'oh and I’m the sarah jessica parker one’ she’d added in quickly, as if there was ever any debate
.You adjusted your curly ginger wig for the hundredth time; opting to throw it up in a quick pony tail leaving some framing pieces down
.You made a face; slutty versions were kind of boring especially when you had no time to find a dress that even remotely resembled Winnie’s. Instead you stood there in a shoddily shortened crushed green velvet dress your Mom owned back in the 90s looking like a bargain bin Gilly Owens
.No more handmade halloween costumes from Susannah
.No more midnight movie marathons cuddled up between the Mom’s. Belly curled up in a ball hiding her face in Susannah’s lap
.No big Thanksgiving dinner -no anything
.Nothing to look forward to now but Winter -a bleak winter you thought
’Hey are you ready-’ Jere said coming to a halt at the door
'-Whew, am I not the luckiest man alive’ he whistled out
You gave him a pointed look ‘Really J' you laughed at the sight of him taking you in
'Lets just skip this whole thing, microwave up some popcorn and watch the new Hellraiser'
'You just want to watch it cause your boyfriends in the Movie' he teased, coming up behind you, spinning you to face him
'Drew Starkey's in the movie' you gasped your eyes widening up at him in mock surprise
He kissed you then, slowly, sadly 'I need to get out of this house y/n'
'I know' you whispered back into his lips
.The drive up to Finch had flown by
.You'd sat in silence, Jere never letting go of your hand
'How does Taylor know this guy again' Jeremiah asked as you pulled up outside an intimidatingly grand Greek house. The haphazardly thrown together Halloween decorations and the strewn red solo cups somehow not detracting from its beauty
'I stopped asking that question a long time ago' you replied stepping over what looked like someones lunch or dinner
.Jeremiah's pulled away the minute you walk in, two dudes -cowboy hats, remarks about joining next year -you weren't really paying attention
.You were too busy beelining to the only two familiar faces you saw
.Belly sitting on the edge of the kitchen island, chip bowl in her lap, Conrad standing between her legs
'Where were you today, Mom's pissed' you asked, grabbing a chip out of the bowl
.Belly turns to you and you see her eyes swim
.You sighed you weren't getting any answers tonight
'My sisters here' she grins pulling you closer, smooshing her face against the side of yours 'Mom's always pissed at me' she states
.Conrad's smirking at this interaction
'And you?' you ask him glaring
.His smile drops, he shakes his head the little fringes of hair brushing those Fisher boy blue eyes 'I uh-'
'Hey Connie, Bells' Jeremiah cuts in nodding towards them
.You looked at Jere, your strong, gentle, beautiful boy, grinning from ear to ear like he hadn't just had one of the worst days of his life -your heart ached
'Uh sorry we couldn't be there today' Conrad cleared his throat, 'This one insisted on picking me up from the airport' he placed a hand on Belly's knee and gave it a soft squeeze
'We managed' you said giving them both a tight smile. Pulling away from Belly you moved to hold hands with Jeremiah
.Your siblings were avoiding you, her and everything in between
.The night dragged on, you'd bumped into Taylor who'd had a last minute change of heart and was now dressed as 'sexy secretary'; Steven not far behind in his usual suit and tie
'Thats not even a costume at this point thats just your skin' you rolled your eyes at him
'Sorry I have a job' he shot back, giving you a quick hug before being pulled away by his tie by Ms Taylor Jewel
.You and Jere found yourselves in someones bedroom, the music a muffled echo behind the closed door, your back was pressed against
.He kissed your lips, your nose, your jaw, resting in the crook of your neck, Jere's fingers slid under your dress and under your panties
.You fell against him as they curled inside you
'J' you whispered, your forehead now pressed against his giving you the stability you needed as he worked them deeper inside you
'Does that feel good pretty girl' he asks softly
.You hum in response as he picks you up and carries you over to the bed. Giggling as he drops and falls on top of you
'Sorry' Jeremiah grins sheepishly
.You kiss those pouty lips your heart swelling with love for this boy
'I got into Finch' he says between breaths
'I knew you would'
'Just imagine all the sleepovers will be having next year' his voice was low, his lips nipping at the skin just below your ear, his fingers dipping back down between your thighs, finding their way back to that spot
.Your voice catches in your throat, the moans escaping in staggered breaths as your hand unwillingly goes to still his
.Jeremiah looks up at you in surprise at first, than confusion
'Is everything okay?' he asks
'Uhmm hmm' you say
'What is it pretty girl?' he asks bringing the tip of his nose to bump yours
.You swallow feeling the dry after effects of the shots you'd been downing earlier 'I didn't apply to Finch' you say quietly
'Oh, well theres still time y/n' he smiles, trying to coax you back into a kiss 'You'll definitely get in'
'No Jere, I didn't apply to Finch because I didn't want to'
'What' he says sitting back abruptly, pulling away from you so fast you felt goosebumps prickle down the side of your arms as the warmth of his body was ripped away
.You prop yourself up against the headboard, instinctively reaching out a hand to hold his, to comfort -He pulls away
'I don't understand' Jeremiah says, you know this tone, he's retreating, he's closing himself up
'Jere I can't stay here, I know its unfair of me to say this to you of all people, but its too much, you're losing your Mom and my Mom's losing it -I just cant watch them this way'
'And you know where I've always wanted to go; and I've got the grades and...' your voice trails off
.He's looking at you now, his eyes darkened by the shadows and you cant tell if its hidding disbelief or disgust
'And what' he asks sharply
'-And I got the acceptance letter' you finished 'I'm going to Stanford'
'Thats great' he says, his voice cold 'Congratulations y/n'
'Jeremiah' you desperately reach for his hand now
.He reaches back
.You both sit in silence, illuminated by the multicoloured lights filtering in through the windows, hearts beating to the softened stereo reverberating through the floorboards
*moments of months with Jeremiah until next Summer -takes place between the first and second seasons*
The soft crackles and hisses of the fading fireplace filtered in through the double french doors, leading in from the living room and into the dining room. The house smelt like cinnamon and sandalwood and you were starting to get a headache
"Mom I have to leave now if I wanna be ready by 9" you sighed
"-Anddd you can, just after you help me finish this" she said motioning to the boxes of what she liked to call Susannah's 'Martha Stewart collection'
Laurel walked around the white marble dining table and took both your hands in hers, bringing them up to her lips "Honey you're so much better at this than I am, and I just want it to feel like her autumn before they get back" she whispered
"Why can't I ever say no to you" you groaned, leaning into your mom for a hug
"Oh the drama" She laughs, giving your hair an affectionate tussle, before pulling out another glass pumpkin from one of the many boxes that lined the kitchen counter
You'd just finished perfectly positioning the last of Susannah's decorations when you heard the locks on the front door
"We're back" Jere's voice echoed through the hall
You rushed out to meet Susannah before Laurel could fuss her upstairs
"Do you like it?" you asked, your heart sinking at how small and tired she looked as you walked her around, showing off what you'd spent the last hour and half doing
Jere lingered behind, ready to take his mothers hand at any slight stumble in her step
"AD couldn't have done it better darling" Susannah smiled, pulling you into her teddy coat, leaving a kiss on the top of your head
"Laurel! she's even remembered the little squirrels on the mantel" Susannah squealed, pointing excitedly at the little family of figurines dressed in checkered coats
Everyone loved seeing her this way, all giddy and full of life over the smallest things, these moments were rare and they held onto the them as long as they could
"She definitely got switched at birth, y/n's you all over" Laurel laughed
"My first girl" Susannah sighed, squeezing your hand tighter. You could see a tear start to sparkle in her eyes and you knew your mom hadn't missed it either
"Alright, alright, god, you're worse than my mother in law, Beck" Laurel rolled her eyes, gently putting a hand on Susannah's back, leading her towards the stairs
"You two have fun tonight and I want lots of pictures" Susannah grinned at you and Jere, sharing a look between you both as Laurel glared at her and up the stairs
"Take care of her Jeremiah" Laurel said, as she started to make her way up as well "-And no drinking" she called down, before you hear the soft click of Susannah's bedroom door
He'd been quiet this whole time and you knew that meant today hadn't gone well
"You know we don't have to go tonight"
"What..and miss seeing you in a slutty little outfit" Jere smirked raising an eyebrow at you
You rolled your eyes at your boyfriend, tiptoeing up you brought him into a hug. You could feel Jere's body relax against yours, the weight of the day rolling of his shoulders as your shared the pressure he carried. He rested his head in the crook of your neck and breathed in, it felt like the first breath he'd taken all day
"The Doctors said her treatment has plateaued, they said it gets worse before it gets better, but I don't think she's going to get better" His voice breaks as he says that and you feel helpless not being able to do anything but hold him tighter
"She will, they'll keep trying" you whispered into his hair
Jeremiah pulled away, wiping his eyes with a nonchalance
"So when do you wanna leave" he asked, clearing his throat
"Jere, we really don't have to go"
"I need to get out of this house" He snapped
"-I'm sorry" He sighed, seeing the look on your face, "I just can't deal with this stuff all the time and Conrad was supposed to come today"
You nodded your head in understanding. Belly was supposed to be here too, she'd been avoiding seeing Susannah a lot these days, she said it was too hard for her. Laurel had been furious with her for weeks now. But Belly was the youngest, she had been too young to remember the first time Susannah got really sick. It was a little selfish and you hated being your mom's go to emotional crutch but you tried not to blame Belly too much. Especially because you could see how much harder it had been on Jeremiah with Conrad
Susannah's constant need for picture perfection had made Jeremiah a chronic people pleaser and Conrad an anxious avoidant. One desperately wanting to be there for his mother but suffocating under the burden of doing it alone and the other stifled by the desire to be there for his brother and see it through together but struggling with his inherent need to bottle up and run at any sign of vulnerability. Both of them fighting to maintain the facade of the 'White picket fence Americana Fisher Family' like their mother had always wanted
The Conklin's being the only thing keeping them grounded in reality. However ugly it currently was, it was their only solace
____________________________________________
*not where I thought this story was going but, heres an exposition dump ¯\_(ツ)_/¯*
