and drowning is the only thought I have

personal blog. please dont follow without asking me and dont ever reblog any of these posts!!!!! general tw overall for frequent mentions of csa and self harm

[olivialovesleggings-deactivated]

Close your eyes and listen

[g00d-vibes-g00d-times]

I wish this video was 6 hours long

[motherofsquids]

this is literally my favorite video ive ever seen on tumblr

[kerstin1864]

…it’s hypnotic…

[olivialovesleggings-deactivated]

ALSO- I’m glad this is my second most successful tumblr post. A little background about this video: I took it the day there was the nuclear missile threat while I was on Oahu. That morning, I thought it was my last day on earth and I was about to meet my impending death by nuclear missile. After the island was notified that the alert was actually false (mind you it also took them THIRTY-EIGHT minutes to tell us it was fake) my friends and I drove to Costco, bought a bunch of snacks and fruits, and spent the entire day at this beach. We didn’t talk much, as the concept of life and death was all across our minds. I swam in the water during the sunset, and had just gotten out to record the last light rays that remained. This video reminds me how precious life is and how I will always remember that feeling

[sunwomb]

all about love, bell hooks 

[swdyww-deactivated20210428]

This honestly was one of the most important books I’ve ever read

[tenderculture]

“Countless biographies by women reveal that girl children witnessing a mother’s suffering at the hands of male tyrants – fathers, brothers, and/or husbands – are deeply, traumatically affected. Not only do we want to rescue our mothers but also we want to change our destiny so we will never suffer the way they did or do.”

— Communion: The Female Search for Love, bell hooks

[arabwife]

the saddest thing i’ve ever done was beg someone to love me the way I loved them

[cynicalasallhell]

I should’ve just straight up not checked my grades for this semester at all bc I already knew they were going to be god awful...actually seeing them makes it worse somehow. and more real. I just don’t understand why or even how I did sooooo much better last fall semester bc that was literally the semester during which I attempted s**c*d*.....and I mean yeah I lost my grandpa at the beginning of this semester but you would think that it would be easier to get over someone else’s death than my own almost-death. idk I’m just sick and tired of continually failing classes and letting my professors down and especially letting my parents down like lmao oh boy can’t wait to get in trouble for all of this!

[cynicalasallhell]

I just realized that I haven’t posted on this blog in three months but it’s because...I actually have an amazing support system now, so like...I don’t need it? like I have zero problems in my relationship with d*vin, and then any problems I have outside of my relationship are ones I discuss with them. it’s just so funny to compare all of my posts on here from when I was dating sh*lbi to the scarcity of posts about d*vin here. ANYWAYS I’m just in a constant state of feeling so loved and so secure and so happy in my relationship so I don’t really have much to post about I guess. I just love them so much and I’m having a really great time in life

[easternmediterranean]

me and my subconscious after i’ve made it through the day without killing myself

[cynicalasallhell]

more s*x talk lmao

yeah can I get a fuckin uhhhhhhhh I love to eat p***y?????? god damn there really is nothing better than making my gf c*m lmao...also she's the FUCKING best bc I was on my period but she still rubbed me out and made me c*m like what kind of wife? GOD I literally never thought I'd be the kind of person to say I love s*x but I fucking love s*x and I can't believe I finally have a healthy relationship with it it's amazing....

[cynicalasallhell]

-----s*x tw-----

I still can't believe that this past weekend we f*cked twice and I didn't dissociate at ALL????? like holy shit that really goes to show you how important having s*x with someone I trust is for me.....it was amazing I didn't feel uncomfortable at ALL

[cynicalasallhell]

god I feel so fucking LUCKY to have found d*vin every single day I thank god that I'm dating someone who has just as much enthusiasm about me as I do about them...like each time I think I've said something super extra or like, Too Much™ she literally comes right back at me with something just as extra if not even MORE extra and I love it soooooo much. like literally with sh*lbi if I said something too mushy or sappy she would ignore me for long periods of time so I learned not to say shit like that anymore bc apparently...it's uncool to express your feelings for your partner lol? (well I guess this was moreso after we stopped dating but it still happened when we were dating) I just fgshdktidgdjdk god I am so grateful for d*vin and I feel so blessed to even have her in my life so the fact that she's my girlfriend is even MORE of a blessing......I feel so full of lightness and happiness and freedom and just. man. 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

[cynicalasallhell]

lmao so anyways it's coming up on almost two years since the first AND only time I've had s*x and I'm wildly depressed about it???? like I can't believe I'm so fat/ugly/unlovable that in two WHOLE years no one has wanted to fuck me. that's insane! not sure why I place so much of my self-worth into s*x when I'm terrified of having it but uh that's the mood lmao. I really genuinely feel so worthless and disposable and like unwanted? I'm forever going to be a fucking fat v*rgin like may as well be considered a v*rgin again bc it's been so long lololol. I hate myself

[rottenbutrecovering]

[cynicalasallhell]

nothin worse than falling for the wrong person am I right ladies!!!!!!

[cynicalasallhell]

what is it with the only men I would ever feel comfortable having sex with being completely unavailable and/or not interested in me lmao!

[cynicalasallhell]

um so hey uh.......this realization is making me want to die lol

[cynicalasallhell]

being ignored is LITERALLY the worst feeling of all time just so you fucking know!

[kaerlighedsbrev-deactivated2020]

here’s to those w bpd whose fps abandoned them bcs they were “too much” you are not too much and one day you’ll find someone who will stay with you, trust me. it’ll be good