sleepy girl with a busy life

thoughts and feelings dump

[cyshizzz]

[cyshizzz]

[cyshizzz]

PTSD

Ganito pala yun. May kaba na. After knowing what they did months ago. Parang kusang nagigising yung katawan ko ngayon tuwing 5am para i-check kung nasaan siya. Kung pauwi ba talaga sakin or kung pauwi ba talaga sakanila. Hindi naman ako ganito. Hindi ako dapat ganito. :( I miss the peaceful kind of love. I miss having peace of mind. Kaya ko ba talaga mag-heal from this? Darating ba yung araw na hindi na ko magwoworry? Na hindi na ko mananaginip? Yung hindi na ko matatakot?

[cyshizzz]

Same situation, different person.

Hindi ko talaga alam anong ginawa kong mali sa past life ko para maranasan na naman yung ganitong treatment. Parati nalang akong least priority. Alam mo yung matapos i-priority yung tao, matapos mong suportahan at samahan sa bad days, biglang iba na yung nagiging priority once umokay na?

Wala kang pinagkaiba sa kanila. Ganyang ganyan din siya nag-umpisa noon. Puro tropa tapos ang ending? May babae na sa "tropa." Walang pinagkaiba. Same shit, different person lang.

[cyshizzz]

Working Two

Hey there! It's been a while, so here's a quick catch-up.

On December 27, 2024, I got laid off from work — from the company where I had put so much of myself. Overtime, late-night meetings, trying things I had never done before — all because I loved my job. Not that I loved the company or how it was being managed, though. I hated how low my salary was, and I hated that there was no clear path for career growth. But I actually loved my job. I loved what I was doing, and I had grown fond of the people I worked with. Being chosen to be let go really hurt. It made me feel like all the effort I put in was unappreciated.

In January 2025, I started rendering and preparing to leave everything behind. I began applying for jobs, but it was tough. I didn’t know exactly where to go; I just knew the type of work I wanted to continue doing. Luckily, I received job offers from different companies. I accepted one in February 2025 and, fortunately, accepted another in March 2025.

Don’t get me wrong — it was never my intention to end up in this situation because I knew how challenging it would be. But I didn’t want to pass up the opportunity. I suddenly realized I could save for next year’s bar exam and potentially quit everything for a few months to focus on the review.

Today, April 19th, it’s been a month since I started this journey. And, to be honest, it’s been hard. I’m still trying to figure out how to balance both roles. Sometimes, I feel lucky that neither of them is pressuring me to do more than what I already know. I hope it stays that way.

Right now, I just hope I can get the hang of everything and finally take care of myself. I’m trying to squeeze in some active time during work and maybe even fit in some reading sessions too.

May God bless me with the strength to continue this journey. I know this isn’t a long-term thing, so I have to make the most of it. I hope everything will be worth it. But overall, I'm thankful for Ken. I don't think I'll ever get through this without him.