this is the life i chose

[cinemove]

[megsokay]

American hero Cher Horowitz.

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i decided what i am going to be for halloween.

i am going to be ross gellar dressed up as spudnik.

i am going to stay in character all night.

so that night i will be saying a lot of things like

"we were on a break!"

"fajitas! be careful very hot plate very hot plate"

"what's the matter with me? you have a black light and it's 1999!"

now to make the costume ...

[gq]

Here is The Full Transcript of Kanye West’s VMAs Acceptance Speech

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what’s my name

yesterday i was at lunch with my friend janee. i met janee back in 2002 at sonotheque. for the first few years that we knew each other we never called each other or anything like that- we would just see each other at sonotheque a few times a month. sidebar- i miss sonotheque.

whlie we were eating lunch she asked me why i didn't write her back yesterday about a picture she sent me asking me if i thought she should buy the glasses she was trying on. i told her i don't think she sent that to me. she pulled out her phone to show me that she did and i saw that my name in her phone is “dave sonotheque”.

it made me laugh and smile. i have never gone by “dave” and she spelled sonotheque wrong. but i love the idea that she has never changed it. that is how it went into her phone 13 years ago and that is how it is going to stay. and it was such a nice reminder of how great it was to meet her. and brought back some great memories of those old days.

i am in another person’s phone as “rally”. we first exchanged phone numbers on election day in 2008 because i was going to take him to the obama victory rally in grant park. that was such a great night. if he hadn't just told me that is how i am in his phone- i wouldn't remember that is how that went down.

and i am in another person’s phone as “manhattan”. she used to be my bartender. i drink a lot of manhattan’s. pretty easy to understand. but she hasn't served me a drink in probably ten years but that is still my “name”.

i just think it’s cool. i want to know what my “name” is in everyone's phone.

i always just put people in my phone with their name. HOW BORING!

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living

the last 24 hours have been like a dream. i saw amy schumer at constellation. i just got home from seeing aziz ansari at zanies. woke up this morning and finished a portrait of a women that i recently met. had lunch today with one of my favorite people. all just great. footnotes: amy schumer is so good. aziz ansari is so good. the only drawback of seeing them is now i want to go see them in tinley park next weekend. but i really don't want to go to tinley park! i have always drawn or painted an image of people after i first meet them. i got out of the habit of doing it for awhile. but as i picked it back up earlier this year i remembered how much i enjoy it. getting to cement that memory of meeting them. my friend janee is one of those people that always knows exactly what to say. everyone needs someone like that in their lives. this summer has been good to me.

[culturenlifestyle]

The Fourth Wall by Klaus Frahm

Hamburg-based photographer Klaus Frahm takes us behind the stage of many European theaters and offers us an unconventional perspective, which symbolizes the antithesis of the spotlight. By shattering the illusion of completion and perfection, Frahm depicts the full production behind the scenes. The dark and highly contrasted photographs reveal the theaters’ technological elements, its staging lights and complicated, less glamour space behind the curtain, which are concealed from the audience. Frahn’s goal “is to give way for a new perspective, to entertain, to offer a fresh sight on familiar things,” and to “reveal something laying under the surface.” The Fourth Wall is the audience’s chance at viewing reality. 

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how i spend my days. if you've never been backstage at a theater and come across an opportunity to go- do it. some of the coolest places i've ever been.

[rosinia-blog]

This is gonna be my time. Time to taste the fruits and let the juices drip down my chin. I proclaim this: The Summer of George!

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i forgot about the summer of george!

... new plan

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i think i am going to go full george costanza for the rest of the month.

you know that episode where he decides to do the opposite.

i try not to be reactionary- but the last 5 dates i have had planned have all been cancelled that day by her.

and you know that expression about how when the same thing keeps happening to you- maybe it's you.

there was the woman who i had gone out with a few times and i messengered a donut to in the morning who then called to cancel a couple hours before our date but told me "if you still want to do our plans tonight we can- but we won’t be dating anymore". um no thanks.

there was the woman who asked me out and then didn't show up to our first date (technically i guess this one wasn't cancelled- i had a pretty good time that night at dinner by myself).

there was the woman who had to cancel because her brother came into town and was super apologetic and wanted to reschedule and was over the top sorry about it- but then didn't call back.

there was the woman who asked me out and then called twenty minutes before what would have been our first date to say that she didn't want to go anymore.

and there was the woman who just sort of disappeared while we were talking about what we were going to do.

mostly i take it all with a "who cares" attitude. people like that aren't people i want to be going out with anyway. but it is annoying and a bit frustrating.

so i'm not sure what it means to do the opposite in dating but i'm going to change something. or maybe take a dating sabbatical. i've always wanted to go on sabbatical.

[andywarhol-art]

Sometimes people let the same problem make them miserable for years when they could just say, so what. That’s one of my favorite things to say. So what.

Andy Warhol (via wordsnquotes)

every now and again my therapist will have me do an exercise- she has me write down a list of things that are important to me. we then talk about them. she then tells me that when something not on the list is occupying too much of my energy to simply say “who cares”

“who cares” and “so what” are such simple but powerful concepts.

[annfriedman]

In my ongoing quest for the perfect framework for understanding haters, I created The Disapproval Matrix**. (With a deep bow to its inspiration.) This is one way to separate haterade from productive feedback…

The general rule of thumb? When you receive negative feedback that falls into one of the top two quadrants—from experts or people who care about you who are engaging with and rationally critiquing your work—you should probably take their comments to heart. When you receive negative feedback that falls into the bottom two quadrants, you should just let it roll off your back and just keep doin’ you.

[austinkleon]

The Disapproval Matrix

Related: how to take a punch

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i like this.

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life ...

lately ...

+ yesterday i sent an email to about 6 people that was supposed to be a link to a set of drawings. it was actually a link to an article on lindsay lohan that i had just shared with mel. i am surprised i don't do this more often.

+ i started a project where i am casting people’s body parts and then using a belt sander on those casts to find unique and interesting and beautiful lines. then using those lines in a series of paintings. it is going well. i have been surprised by how many women want me to cast their breasts.

+ for a couple of months i was actively dating and saying yes to anyone. it reminded me how much i hate dating, but also that i really want someone who will watch all of maron with me on some future rainy day.

+ i sort of miss tumblr sometimes.

+ i have been writing letters to someone more or less everyday for the last 9 years or so. up until recently i never mailed them. i recently started sending them to people when i think it will make them smile. so far the responses i have gotten make me smile. my favorite was from a woman i went on a couple dates with saying something like “such a beautiful letter”. i think i will continue sending them.

+ my therapist is really the best. i do not see her very often anymore, but last week i saw her and we talked about how so much of mental health is focused on the “bad”. anxiety, depression, those kinds of things. but what we talked about was all the good parts of it too. the feelings of gratitude and all that is wrapped up in positive psychology. it was a great hour.

+ i really wanted to see taylor swift this past weekend. i had tickets. everyone i asked said no. i thought about going by myself, i do a lot of things alone, but instead decided to sell the tickets and see sleater-kinney instead. i am sure taylor swift’s concert was great- the couple of videos i saw show that. but i love sleater-kinney. they just may be my favorite band. sometimes things work out just right.

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pacemaker l-i-v-i-n

i used to have to go and get my pacemaker interrogated at northwestern every month. when i was fainting it was sometimes even more frequent. i don’t think i have gone in for that in a couple of years now. ever since i got my current one (pacey #4)- pacey #4 interrogates itself and then sends all the information to my electrophysiologist. there is a little transmitter next to my bed. now i just get emails like this every once in a while [and bills for copays that always confuse me at first- wait i didn't go to the doctor (but they are for the physician reading my info)].

David, I reviewed your pacemaker transmission today. Everything looks good. There were no events. If you have any questions,  call me at 312-xxx-xxxx. I can schedule you for another remote 09/15/15. Deb

i don't miss the couple of hours it would take to go and get it checked but i do kinda miss talking with deb. she has been my pacemaker nurse for like 8 years and is so nice and thoughtful and you can tell just truly cares about her patients. i am going to send her something to just say hi i think.

but modern medicine man. it’s so modern. and it just astounds me how fast things change in medicine and how the change often isn't incremental but leaps forward.

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new employee #2 just told me that she cant work on thursday or friday because she has to leave town because her brother’s dog died.

can i fire her for coming up with a shitty excuse? and not just saying she wants to enjoy the holiday weekend?

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i just watched our president eulogize the charleston victims and sing amazing grace. 

my god the power in it all. brought me to tears at my desk.

his words right before he started singing- starting with a quote from marilyn robinson-

“... he knew that the path of grace involves an open mind but more importantly an open heart. that’s what i felt this week. an open heart ... what a friend of mine, the writer marilynne robinson calls “that reservoir of goodness beyond and of another kind that we are able to do each other in the ordinary cause of things.” that reservoir of goodness. if we can find that grace. anything is possible. if we can tap that grace everything can change. amazing grace. amazing grace” 

then he took a long pause and starting singing. 

such emotion and power.

[marinarachael]

Nailed it.

[tai-korczak]

23 Emotions people feel, but can’t explain

Sonder: The realization that each passerby has a life as vivid and complex as your own.

Opia: The ambiguous intensity of Looking someone in the eye, which can feel simultaneously invasive and vulnerable.

Monachopsis: The subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place.

Énouement: The bittersweetness of having arrived in the future, seeing how things turn out, but not being able to tell your past self.

Vellichor: The strange wistfulness of used bookshops.

Rubatosis: The unsettling awareness of your own heartbeat.

Kenopsia: The eerie, forlorn atmosphere of a place that is usually bustling with people but is now abandoned and quiet.

Mauerbauertraurigkeit: The inexplicable urge to push people away, even close friends who you really like.

Jouska: A hypothetical conversation that you compulsively play out in your head.

Chrysalism: The amniotic tranquility of being indoors during a thunderstorm.

Vemödalen: The frustration of photographic something amazing when thousands of identical photos already exist.

Anecdoche: A conversation in which everyone is talking, but nobody is listening

Ellipsism: A sadness that you’ll never be able to know how history will turn out.

Kuebiko: A state of exhaustion inspired by acts of senseless violence.

Lachesism: The desire to be struck by disaster – to survive a plane crash, or to lose everything in a fire.

Exulansis: The tendency to give up trying to talk about an experience because people are unable to relate to it.

Adronitis: Frustration with how long it takes to get to know someone.

Rückkehrunruhe: The feeling of returning home after an immersive trip only to find it fading rapidly from your awareness.

Nodus Tollens: The realization that the plot of your life doesn’t make sense to you anymore.

Onism: The frustration of being stuck in just one body, that inhabits only one place at a time.

Liberosis: The desire to care less about things.

Altschmerz: Weariness with the same old issues that you’ve always had – the same boring flaws and anxieties that you’ve been gnawing on for years.

Occhiolism: The awareness of the smallness of your perspective.

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@

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i was just eating lunch and rodney texted me this video he took last night right after kane scored. what a day yesterday yo.

i left my office around 4:45 and started walking home. a few minutes into my walk the tornado sirens started going off. the rain was pouring down. i foolishly just kept walking. a tornado isn't going to touch down in my path, right?

got home safe and soaking wet.

got all my hawks gear on.

we tried to get a car to take us to the game. not a single uber or cab or uberx or whatever else all the names are was available. the damen bus said it wasnt coming for 40 minutes.

fuck it- we will just walk.

it’s not raining that hard. (turns out it was- i’m still wet)

it’s only a mile.

knowing what i know now- i would have paid all the money i have to go to the game last night. it just felt so good.

i grew up watching hockey on a b+w tv. when i was a kid, our house had 2 tv’s and i was the youngest and never really got to watch what i wanted on the good tv until i got much older and my sister’s started moving out. so i was always relegated to the old tv. i listened to nearly every game on the radio. sometimes if i was watching a game on tv i would mute the sound and do my own announcing. i had a microphone and a cassette player i would use to record myself. oh how i wish i still had those tapes!

i haven't ever seen a team that i root for win a championship. now its all i want to do. i need to see my kstate wildcats win in football and basketball. i need to see the bears win the superbowl. i need to see, in person, the bulls win.

what a night.

last night i said to no one in particular that i don't know if i will ever go to a hockey game again. nothing can top that.

i don’t think i’ll ever forget yesterday.