youre angry at them and scared and flinching and after what they just did to your body you can barely stand on your own but when you can you try to shuffle and crawl away from them. you dont WANT them to bathe you, theyre probably just trying to wash evidence off but youre weak and shaking, you cant really fight them off. they grab you by the crook of your elbow and drag you to your feet, hauling you into the bathroom while you stumble or even drag uselessly behind them. you curse at them half heartedly when they drop you into their shower. you sputter as the water comes on, too cold and unexpected. they set up a chair near where youre sitting and roll up their sleeves, take a handful of your now wet hair and drag you to them. you shake and flinch as they drag you over, hands covering your face like theyre going to hit you. instead they just start to wash your hair. you freeze under the gentle touching, struggle to connect this behavior with everything else thats happened tonight. the water is warm now and theyre cooing at you and telling you you were good, you didnt behave yourself but you still made them feel so good and youre such a good pet, or you will be once they break you a little further. you sit there dumbfounded and humiliated as they talk to you like a child or a scared animal. you dont notice your shoulders relax or how youve started leaning into their hands, but they do. they mutter vague sounds of approval at your submission, the first time youve behaved all fucking night. as soon as they finish with your hair they move to your body, gently lathering you with soap while you try to hide yourself. one smack to one of your bruised wrists is all it takes to get you to stop covering up now. the violence, the violation, the beating, the tears, and now the warm water, the whiplash, the soft touching, the confusion, its all made you so pliant. you dont say anything when they take extra care to wash your holes. you only shoot them a look when they say “good as new, like nothing ever happened.” they turn off the water and wrap you in a soft, fluffy towel. you look shell shocked and they cant help but laugh that now and only now is when you want to disconnect from your body. once it feels safe. they scoop you up and take you back to the bed you were just violated on. talking down to you as they put you in pajamas and bottle feed you water like a sick lamb, first manhandling your limp spacey body into some underwear youve never seen before (did they have that waiting for you? how long have they planned to do this to you), then a tshirt. they chide you when you dont move to help get it on yourself. clicking their tongue and telling you “arms up” like a child. you move sluggishly and hesitantly but do as they say. they put the shirt on you and kiss your head, thanking you for being so good. you feel sick. they maneuver you into their bed finally so that they can hold you to their chest. as you start to drift off in spite of yourself, they whisper “dont even think about running off tonight. you havent seen anything yet.” in your ear
turnnoffyourmind
snowghoul
blakekathryn
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origamiaround
tangentwithtanner
gracieabrams
