ThingsDadsDo

[daddyadventures1-blog]

At the start of a 2 minute (yes, 2 minute!) Drive up to their grandparents this morning. Cj (aged 4): Daddy, cam we play 'fire! Pshshshshshshshsh' on the way to Nain's? MJ (AGED 8): yeah! Daddy can we daddy adventures please?! Captain Jones (aged 29 - OJ: can I be skipper rather than captain? MJ: what's a skipper daddy? OJ: it's like a pilot but on the water. Mj: ok then daddy) Set off on the red rocket with marine tracker Jones (MJ aged 8), and marine medics Jones (CJ aged 4) & Jones ( JJ aged 0.7 '*coughcough* waaaahwaaahh*coughcough*') to fetch and heal sick marine animals. Finding a penguin, marine tracker Jones got to work on healing it whisky medic CJ suddenly discovered an underwater 'fire!! Pshshshshshshshsh!" - whilst Medic's Jones & Jones were putting out the underwater fires, Tracker Jones spotted evil white van man's allies, evil silver car men & women and endeavoured to destroy them all with the special silver car cannons. Eventually all were destroyed and only the lava trail remained sick underwater fluffy things were seen all along the trail & medics Jones and Jones, genuises as they were, were able to cure them all successfully. :)

[daddyadventures1-blog]

Hunter-scientists Jones (aged 29) & Jones (aged 8) set off on an exciting journey into Iceland to seek the elusive polar bear to take DNA samples to prove once and for all that polar bears evolved from grisly bears (or the other way around, Jones aged 8 wasn't sure..)

Falling in potholes and spear-fishing in iceholes, Jones (aged 29) caught a nice big fish with which to lure the polar bear with.

Nearing their destination, they were beset by great snowsheep and although both sides fought valiantly, the Jones' won through and thwarted the snowsheep.

Hunter-scientist Jones (aged 8) suddenly got very cold, but luckily hunter Jones (aged 29) had in his possession a rare polar bear skin jumper (don't worry, it was already dead from natural causes when it was skinned) that he leant her. Whilst hunter Jones the older got very cold, hunter Jones the younger got snuggly and warm and they were able to locate the polar bear and take the samples they needed..

Happy Easter everybody.

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[daddyadventures1-blog]

Ah, evil white van man and your evil-doing ways... This morning you even attempted to get us to destroy innocent Silver van man by throwing him into our path first thing.

Unlucky for you, we saw through your plans and Weapons specialist Jones scanned Silver Van Man for the evil gene first! Evil was not present and so your plans were thwarted.

What followed was a daring journey back through the coral forests to locate your lair. Sadly we were jumped upon by a whale again ("Daddy, a whale's coming to get us again!" - chief whale spotter Jones (Aged 4) - but luckily we were able to deploy our special Whale net, to yet again cure the whale of all its ills.

Its at this point, things got strange, I turned into a Polar bear, called Captain Barnacle, Megan into a cat named Quazi and Chloe into a Penguin called Peso. The Red Rocket turned into a speed boat and we practically flew the rest of the way to school.

En route, Sharks and swordfish tried to attack the Red Rocket, but to no avail as Peso was able to defeat them with (you guessed it!) "Fire!! PSSSHHSHHShhshshshshshshhhh!"

Evil White Van Man finally made another appearance, just before reaching the land of Skuule, and was defeated once again with the RR's special weapons. Captain Barnacle, tired and dejected as he was from last night's adventures with little Shellington dropped off Peso and Quazzi eager and ready for more adventures next week. ‪#‎daddyadventures‬ ‪#‎octonauts‬ ‪#‎redrocket‬ ‪#‎suzukiswift‬ ‪#‎schoolrun‬ ‪#‎kids‬‪#‎imagination‬

[daddyadventures1-blog]

Agent Jones (aged 29) and Jones (aged 8) and Jones (aged 4) were deployed to chase Evil White Van Man today in Red Rocket - the trusty amphibious spy-car.

Spotting Evil White Van Man, and deploying the usual tactical missiles, Agent Jones (aged 8) was unsuccessful in destroying him. Fortunately, Agent Jones (aged 4) had the solution - Fire! ("Fire daddy! Pppsshshhshshshshsh"), which she promptly put out in a fit of insanity.

Luckily, Agent Jones (aged 29) had an idea - if the agents combined their weapons, and used the Whale taser from yesterday's adventure they could defeat white-van man with water and electric!

Before the fork in the road, Agent Jones (aged 4) spotted ("A Whale daddy! It's lifting the car!!")

"Watch out for Evil White Van Man!" (Agent Jones Aged 29) "peeeooowww booom!!" (Agent Jones aged 8) "Gone!" ("The whale's lifting the car daddy!") "Kill it!" (Agent Jones aged 8) "You can't kill whales, we've been through this!" (Agent Jones aged 29) Agent Jones (aged 8) heroically activated the whale taser at just the right moment to allow the agents to get free of the whale.

Unfortunately for our three heroes, The Whale had friends - sharks and octopuses surrounded the Red Rocket - still recovering from yesterday's adventure - the repairs to the outer hull not quite complete. "We have a leak daddy!" (agent Jones aged 4)

Luckily Agent Jones (Navigator Joneski - aged 8) had a plan - "Kill them!" (I'm starting to get concerned now..) "No, don't kill them!" - Agent Jones/Chief Petty Officer Joneski (aged 4) "Ok, deploying whale taser - peeeoow boom!" "That wasn't the whale taser!" (Agent Jones aged 29) "No more octopuses & sharks though!" ("Oh no, fire! PPpssshhhhhshhs!" and "Arrrhhh! Another Octopus! What shall we do?") "Kill it!" (Seriously worried..) "No don't kill it!" "OK, we won't kill it!" ppppeeeooowww "I've fired a net at it, and we're dragging it behind us!"

Safely netted, the Octopus was dragged to safety in the underwater land of Skuule where the tentacles could be 'repaired' by Agent Jones' friend Peso; and Agents Jones, Jones and Jones went their separate ways ready for their next adventure.

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[daddyadventures1-blog]

Intrepid explorers Captain Joneski (aged 29), Navigator Joneski (aged 8) and Chief Petty Officer Joneski (aged 4) set off this morning on their daily search for the elusive Skuule in the Red Rocket - newly converted for amphibious travel.

When spotting a few fires in the coral reef woods ("Fire! Ppppsssshhhhhh" She's not letting this one go..) chief petty office Joneski spotted that a whale had started swimming towards the red rocket.. ("a whale's coming and it's going to lift us up daddy!")

Navigator Joneski suggested the explorers killed the whale, but Captain Joneski reminded the explorers of their friend Willy (the whale! get your mind out of the gutter) and it was decided to use the newly fitted Whale taser instead as a friendly nudge to stop nudging the red rocket. Freshly tazed, the intrepid explorers escaped from the whale's grasp and went on into the deep coral forest.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, the Red Rocket was attacked by invisible swordfish ("Fire pppsshshhshshs!") and the whale taser was deployed again and again. Whilst the swordfish swam away, the marks they'd left on the red rocket were too much - leaks to the left and right, and some in the roof meant that the RR needed to surface to drain water.

Luckily, the elusive Skuule was discovered just at the right time.

[daddyadventures1-blog]

Daddy: what's that? (Pointing) Megan: I'm not looking. Daddy: what's that? (Pointing) Megan: I don't want to play daddy I'm too old for all that. Daddy: You played yesterday.. Megan: There was a van yesterday! Daddy: Anyway, what's that? (Pointing) [Silence] Daddy: do you reckon there're zombies in there? (Pointing at graveyard) (Chloe: can we play the fire game again daddy? Fire!! Psshshhshshshsh!) Megan: no. But there're zombies in the road! (Turns sulkily to the car door and starts 'pressing buttons') Megan: pssshhhshsbsbzbzhsjsn there, zombies gone. (Chloe: fire! Pssshhhshhshshshhshsh) Daddy: what do you mean zombies gone? Have you killed them? Shouldn't we try to cure them first? Megan: I did, I cured them! (Chloe: fire! Pssshhshshshhs) Daddy: well that means I'm hitting them with the car... Megan: they're not stupid daddy. They get out of the way. Daddy: oh.. Yeah, makes sense. (Chloe: fire!! Pshshhshshshssshhh) Megan: there's a car daddy. Daddy: do you think it could be evil van man again. Megan: no daddy, it's a woman. Daddy: well, evil van man's friend, then. Megan: I don't know. I'll scan them with my witch detector! (Turns to the door and swipes and presses buttons again) - Yes, she's a evil witch! Daddy: What're you going to do..? Megan: Destroy her with my anti-witch gun! (plays with buttons again and then hovers her hand over the 'big red witch gun button') (Chloe: Fire, Fire, Fire, Fire!! Psshshshshshs!) Daddy: What're you waiting for? Megan: For her to turn off the road! [Waits - presses button when it seems like she isn't turning] Megan: Yey! Destroyed!! Daddy: She's turning into the school... Megan, have you just killed one of your teachers?? Megan: Oops... I think I have... Oh I have... Oh and she's a nice one too! I'm sorry! (Chloe: Fire, fire fire fire fire!! PPPpspssshshshshshshshshshshsh)

[daddyadventures1-blog]

Police first responders Jones (aged 29) and Jones (aged 8) and firefighter Jones (aged 4 - I get the feeling she misunderstood yesterday's adventure - "can we play  firefighters again please daddy") in their specially equipped emergency response vehicle battled multiple fires this morning.

Fires to the left of them, (Officer Jones Aged 4 " Pssshhhhshshshhshsh - fire's out Daddy!") fires to the right (Firefighter Jones Aged 4 " Pssshhhhshshshhshsh - fire's out Daddy!").

Even fires in the ERV itself. (Officer Jones aged 8 & Firefighter Jones aged 4 "Pssshhhhshshshhshsh - fire's out Daddy!")

Dealing with equipment failures making it impossible to call for backup until equipment specialist officer Jones (aged 8) was able to swap the radio out with one of the 100s of spares she had packed, all fires were extinguished. ("Officers Jones & Jones and Firefighter Jones responding - we need backup!"

Finally nearing the scene of the true emergency an old foe appeared - evil Mr White Van Man - and Agent Jones (aged 8 - from yesterday, keep up!) was forced to reactivate the freeze ray gun (which involved getting a password wrong; activating the ERVs self destruct sequence - correcting the situation with only half a second to spare) thus defeating an old enemy once again.

Finally at the scene, Officer Jones (Aged 8) & Firefighter Jones (Aged 4) put out the biggest fire ever seen and 'dealt with the situation' (Officer Jones - aged 8).

[daddyadventures1-blog]

School runs just became interesting!

An open letter to the driver of the white van on the Red Roses road this morning... Don't panic, this is a positive letter.

You have no idea how much fun you created just by existing this morning. You were our arch-nemesis hell-bent on world domination, and we were the James-Bond-style heroes sent to stop you with our van-destroying smart-cannons and freeze-rays in our under-dog 'sports car' (Suzuki Swift)

You were a good opponent, you dodged and dived (round bends) and several times we thought we had lost you, but then around the corner you were again. Our pilot, (Daddy, aged 29) kept pace nicely though and we were able to catch up ready with our targeting systems on line. Unfortunately for us our freeze ray malfunctioned causing the road to get quite slippery in places, but we pulled through. And just when we thought we were back on track to destroy your plans of world domination, our forcefield destroying Cannons malfunctioned too!

Our weapons expert (Megan, aged 8) worked tirelessly to repair the cannons whilst the Van Man continued his evil doings along the road spraying his noxious gases behind in an attempt to throw us off his scent. Unfortunately our defence specialist (Chloe, aged 4) may have got carried away at this point, screaming "Fire, fire, fire!" even though she knew the weapon systems were knackered.

Happily, for us and sadly for you, our weapons, defence and targeting systems were repaired just in time & you were destroyed on the fork in the road by the school (when you went the other way).

Our weapons specialist was so overcome with joy at defeating you that she hugged me tight all the way into school and didn't want me to leave her side when I had to go to work.

Let this be a lesson to us all to take life a little less sensibly. (All events above happened in 'real life', and were fictitious.)