Most of what I’d advise you is more about protecting yourself in your first steps than finding a dom. Protection is important because you’ll need to take care of yourself until you do find that “right” Dom, and to be smart in who you consider for that honor.
1) Read, study, ask questions.
2) Remind yourself not to be so eager to play or find a dom that you accept the first one that comes along, and later you end up loosing him, or even worse…
3) Beware of anyone who says:“I want to collar you now….." "If you were a true submissive, you’d do what I want." "You must have no limits to be my slave.” “You don’t need a safe word with me”
4) Find the local group in your area. That will give you a list of groups both online and in real time. If you don’t find anything in your city or town, expand your search to the nearest town… If they have an online discussion group, join it. If they have a munch, go to it.
I bet you’re wondering, what is munch? :) A munch is a very casual, informal and very vanilla get together at a local restaurant or bar. Everyone is expected to dress the same as if they were going out to dinner, and to behave “normally.” Nothing is expected of you beyond simple good manners and an openness to getting to know other likeminded people. “hi my name is John, I’m an ********. Lol I had to say this. Okay back to the subject… I can not recommend this enough as a safe public way to network and make friends! If you are nervous about going alone, email the munch organizers and introduce yourself. The organizers are dedicated to helping people start their journey in BDSM and they are always happy to help.If classes or demos are offered in your area, try to attend.
6) Make friends FIRST in that local group before you think of finding a dom. Try to find an experienced female submissive to help you navigate… If you can’t find one in realtime, find one online. You’ll need someone to help you with your questions.
The local group can help protect you at play parties, giving references to doms that approach you, and letting those that might be tempted to take advantage of you know that others are looking out for you. I personally love that "looking out for newbies”
7) Learn the basics of safety and don’t be afraid to speak up… RUN from anybody who says, “I have plenty of experience, who the hell are you to tell me I shouldn’t wrap this rope around your throat and leave you bound and alone for a couple of hours?” (That will give you bad experiences)
9) Learn to say NO. It is your right and obligation to yourself, and whoever you eventually decide to give yourself to, protect yourself from harm, mental and physical. If you cannot say no, your yes has no value. No respectable dominant wants a doormat.
10) I personally would advise you to play the field a little bit before committing to one person. You need more experience to find out what you really want and need. You are allowed to play casually with doms without a collar or serious commitment. Group play parties are especially good settings for this.
Understand that a new sub is particularly attractive to a certain kind of dominant who’s looking for “fresh meat” They will be attracted to your lack of experience, and eager to “mentor” you or “train” you. They will try to get to you very fast, to prevent anyone else from getting to you first. I’m not saying these dominants are always bad or shady, just notice they are out there, and don’t let one of them push you into something you are not ready for. Some of them aren’t really dominant, just domineering assholes who think being a dominant means lots of blow jobs and spanking . I call them wanna be doms. :) Like someone I know…
11) Don’t enter into a poly relationship as a “secondary” sub, if you really don’t think you want to live that way. It doesn’t matter how wonderful someone is, or how perfect you think you are for each other. He is not going to leave his primary for you, and if he does, then you have to wonder how quickly he may drop you for his next “fucktoy” to come along.
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