You know how some people think they are going to change the world? Well, I'm the opposite of that. I believe I have no significant meaning at all right now and probably never will. I mean, my life is so boring I have nothing to talk to my friends about. They all probably think I am an introverted person but they are wrong. When you get me going I believe I can be somewhat fun.
However, I have fallen into a kind thinking that I don’t mean anything to anyone else and constantly ask myself “If I died would anyone really care?”. And I answer myself no. No one would really care because friends are disposable. I for one hate all of my friends. They are boring and they either think they are all that or they actively try to be weird. I don’t think I would cry at all if one of my so-called ‘friends’ died. They are just convenient bodies that help me fit in. Maybe I just don’t have a soul or maybe this how everyone feels about others and just puts on an act of being concerned. No one truly wants to be left alone or be the odd one out so they make ‘friends’ to make them feel more comfortable, like a security blanket. But if part of that blanket is ripped off, you could just get another piece of fabric to patch it. If I could, I would just abandon all of my ‘friends’ and live alone somewhere that is peaceful and where I can slowly be forgotten.
But, society will not let me. Currently, I am a high school junior. This is a time where everyone is trying to be the coolest, have the most friends, and “Live”. I don’t believe any of that. High school is just a time where the people around you expect you to juggle being on a varsity sport, being a straight “A” student, being in clubs, and figuring your life out. It’s stressful. I’m doing all of those things (maybe not the figuring out your life part) and I have no life. I am ugly, my style sucks, I can’t get a job because of a lack of time so I'm broke, and I have fallen into despair. My life has no meaning. I don’t want to be a drama queen here but my life right now is really meaningless.
What am i working for? My family doesn’t have the money to send me away to college so I’m going to be stuck going to the local university. So why not just work my ass of to get scholarships? Simple. I’m not smart enough and frankly, I write like shit (as you can tell). People in my school constantly tell me I’m smart but that is not the case. I may look smart surrounded by rich kids who don’t work hard because ‘daddy’ will buy them anything and buy their way into college but out in the rest of the country I’m average. And I'm not black, latina, or native American so I can’t get those Affirmative Action benefits. I am a plain, old, short white girl with big boobs. That’s it. Those are my only good qualities (the big boobs). I don’t have a great personality, just look at this letter. In fact, I am a horrible person. And I'm a whiner. Again, refer to this letter.
I once made the terrible decision to talk to one of my ‘friends’ about this and now she thinks I am clinically depressed. She told me I should have more confidence in myself but how can I. I am the forgotten middle child until something bad happens and I get the blame. Also, i am always being compared to my perfect older sister. She is only a year older than me and she IS perfect. She’s pretty, skinny, has a great personality, everyone loves her, and she’s smart. Thanks for setting the bar high. But since I am none of those things, I feel like I have let down my entire family for being a selfish, ugly, twat. Be jealous.
turnnoffyourmind
blakekathryn
theartofmadeline
ellievsbear
yousharknotpass
