The Golden Girls: Quote of the Day

Inspired by my friends somewhat obsessive love of The Golden Girls I have set out on a quest to bring the humor and wit of these lovely ladies to the masses. Thank you for being a friend.

[dailygoldengirls]

Daily Golden Girls: 12/24/13

[Opening Christmas gifts]

Blanche: Well Rose, it's a beautiful blouse.

Rose: I hope you like it. Dorothy said you would like something crotchless.

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Daily Golden Girls: 09/09/13

Dorothy: I tell you what. Ma, how would you like to go golfing with me and Raymond today?

Sophia: I'd love to! But, I don't own any ugly plaid polyester.

[Looks over at Rose]

Sophia: Rose, do you have anything in a size 6?

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Daily Golden Girls: 09/08/13

Blanche: But honey she's just a child, you cant expect a child to give back a toy, you do understand don't you you?

Rose: Just cut the crap and get the damn teddy bear!

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Daily Golden Girls: 09/07/13

Rose: We should put out the welcome mat.

Blanche: But honey, we don't have a welcome mat!

Rose: What about the one Dorothy says is always at the foot of your bed?

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Daily Golden Girls: 09/06/13

Dorothy: How long do you think you can stay handcuffed?

Blanche: My personal best is 32 hours... of course, then I had someone to play with.

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Daily Golden Girls: 09/05/13

Blanche: Dorothy, what do you think I oughta do with my bed?

Dorothy: Put it in the Smithsonian, Blanche. Its got more miles on it than the Spirit of St. Louis!

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Daily Golden Girls: 09/04/13

Blanche: Well then everything was just a misunderstanding, and Norman really did dump me for a fat woman!

Sophia: No kidding, fatter than you?

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Daily Golden Girls: 09/03/13

Dorothy: In every relationship, there are times when you don't want to be with each other. I mean, Stanley and I went through a period where we had very little marital relations at all. I totally cut off his sex.

Rose: You mean, it grows back?

Dorothy: [sarcastically] Yes, Rose; he's a lizard!

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Daily Golden Girls: 09/02/13

Rose: So how was your date, Blanche?

Blanche: You might as well ask me to describe the glory of the great Smoky Mountains as they rise from the mist of the Carolina dawn!

Dorothy: They went to a sleazy motel.

Blanche: Or the colors of the monarch butterfly spreading its wings as it emerges from the miracle of the cocoon!

Dorothy: She got him to pay for half the room.

Blanche: Or the sturdy cypress, reaching heaven, tall and mighty and proud!

Dorothy: That one, I think, is pretty self-explanatory.

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Daily Golden Girls: 09/01/13

Sophia: Gimme that!

[Sophia snatches box from Dorothy]

Dorothy: What's in the box, Ma?

Sophia: Mexican jumping beans.

Dorothy: Ma!

Sophia: Excuse me, Hispanic jumping beans.

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Daily Golden Girls: 08/31/13

 [Complaining about Nurse DeFarge] 

Blanche:Dorothy, at 2am in the morning, I was entertaining a gentleman caller, when she walked in at the most inopportune time. I could have lost my balance and chipped a tooth!

Rose: You think that's bad? She came into my room when I was reenacting the plank-walking scene from Peter Pan.

Dorothy: What the hell goes on in this house at night?!!

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Daily Golden Girls: 08/30/13

Blanche: All right, WHO or WHAT ate the heel off of one of my new red pumps?!

Rose: [attempting to take the blame for the dog] I did.

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Daily Golden Girls: 08/29/13

[Blanche, coming from a date, bursts through the front door looking very upset]

Dorothy: Blanche, what's wrong, you're shaking?

Blanche: I have been humiliated and degraded.

Sophia: Many times, you're just figuring it out now?

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Daily Golden Girls: 08/28/13

Dorothy: He was trapped in a bad marriage.

Sophia: There is no such thing being as trapped in a marriage. In this country, you can get divorced, in Sicily there was no divorce, you had to resort to lupara.

Rose: Is that some kind of legal loophole?

Sophia: It's some kind of sawed-off shotgun.

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Daily Golden Girls: 08/27/13

Sophia: I wouldn't mind glancing over at the night table and seeing his teeth next to mine.

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Daily Golden Girls: 08/26/13

Dorothy: You'll have to excuse my mother. She survived a slight stroke which left her, if I can be frank, a complete burden.

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Daily Golden Girls: 08/25/13

Sophia: Dorothy, I never understood why your brother liked to wear women's clothes. Unless he was queer.

Blanche: Sophia, people don't say queer anymore, they say gay.

Sophia: They say gay if a guy can sing the entire score of "Gigi." But, a six foot three, two hundred pound married man with kids, who likes to dress up like Dorothy Lamour, I think you have to go with queer.