Question: Developing A Dominant
Hello, Sir: I was wonder if you could advise me. I have a young Top who I am hoping to develop a dominant streak in. Youâve mentioned that I was experienced boys who helped you realize your potential. Could you share how they helped you and what I might do to help my Top come grow? Thank you.
This is such a great question, and I am surprised that I have not written about it in more detail. I am often faced with questions about how I gained my dominant experience. Most assume that I had to go into some sort of training course with another Dom. If you have been reading my blog for a while, you are no doubt aware this was certainly not the case for me. And honestly, the thought of doing that almost creeps me out a little bit. I became who I am today through self experience. And the kindness of some experienced submissive boys who allowed me to grow and learn. To answer your question, here are some areas that helped me and some suggestions for developing your young Dom.Â
As a caveat, I need to note that you cannot just create a Dominant streak in a top. You need someone who has an active interest in domination and/or bondage. You cannot impose your desires upon them. They need to actively want it. For me, I had always been turned on by bdsm porn. It was something that I wanted to try.Â
Have Direct Communication and Discussion
This is was a big part of my comfort level. We spent a lot of time talking about the things that interested me and the things that I wanted to try. I recall the first submissive boy who interacted with me sending some videos and gauging my interest level. He was non-judgmental and welcoming. I think this is extremely important. Often when we begin our exploration of domination and submission, we have feelings of awkwardness, as though, we are doing something that is wrong or unusual. It is important to be around someone who is welcoming and even encouraging. There is nothing wrong being an adult and consensually exploring your sexual interests.Â
Once you have talked through his interests. You reach a critical element. You need to be open and willing to explore. For me, it was this âsure! letâs try thatâ attitude that encouraged me. If you are constantly saying, no and thatâs off limits. It is can be a major deterrent.This is not to say you should let down your guard and jump into anything, but it all about your attitude than can help him grow.
You will likely be faced with questions during a session. âAm I doing this right?â or âDoes that hurt?â Your response is very important. If you say the wrong thing, you can hurt his development. For pain/the hurt question, I recommend agreeing before hand that you will tell him a code if it goes too far. For example, I like the word âred.â
For the doing it right question, always compliment him to boost moral. If you need to offer advice do so in an encouraging way. For example, during a first spanking, your response could be âMmmm yes sir, it is perfect. You can smack a harder if you want.âÂ
You want him to think, âI am fucking awesome at this, I canât wait to do it againâ
Treat Him Like Experienced Dom
While I may be new, you should still afford me the common elements of a Dominant. Utilizing the term âSirâ for instance. Saying, please and thank you. The point is that you should not treat him less. Use your experience to develop him.Â
Tease His Dominant SensesÂ
The goal is to light the fire. You have no idea what it is like in this early stage for a beautiful boy to tell you on his knees, âplease Sir, may I suck your cock?â It builds a sense of confidence. That is the ultimate goal here. You want to build his confidence so that he feels comfortable just taking your body. Let him know that you are there to make him happy. It is not about you.
If he asks, âdo you want to cum?â Your only response should be, âif you want me, Sir, I am here for youâÂ
This seems like an odd bit of advice in comparison to the others, doesnât it? The truth is that as we enter into domination activities, we are not hardcore. We are still pretty soft. And it is likely, we need the softer elements as well. So snuggle up to him. Give him a kiss afterwards. Of course donât do this while you are try to build his confidence, but it is something you should do afterwards. It lets him know he did well.Â
To this day, I will never forget what my first submissive boy said to me at the end of our night. âYou are a natural at thisâ It super charged my confidence.Â
Even if the night is awkward. Even things donât go exactly as planned. If you want to develop a young Dom, the point is that you need to encourage him. You need to let him have that space to grow. Give him something at the end of the session to know he was great and he will only get better.Â
I hope this was helpful. I fundamentally believe that it is my responsibility to show other young submissives a path to fun, now that I am experienced. I hope that many of you experienced submissives will show some new Doms their path. After all, there are not enough Young Doms in this world.Â
