The Evolution of Desire

The Tranquility of Control. The Passion of Deliverance. The Exploration of Need. I suggest that you Read This or Search #DA. For those that inquire, My Wishlist. I am a 28 year old male living in the Arizona with a love for submissive boys, underwear, and bondage. I encourage respectful, safe, and consensual adult practices. This is not a place for cruelty or objectification. I believe in a kindness to all especially within the realm of domination. I am Dominant. I am nerdy. I am playful. I am meticulous. I am passionate. I want you to be the best you can be for both yourself and me. You are always welcome to message me with any questions or comments. I just ask that you be respectful. I do not like, 'what would you do to me' inquiries. You must be at least 18 years old view this blog. I cannot make this clear enough. Do not follow. Do not message unless you are 18 or older. No exceptions. All content on this blog refers to consensual adult activity.

[temptingdominance]

News From The Other Side

I really like Twitter. It is fast and responsive service. Yes, it is hard to write long narratives, but you get almost everything else. 

I know many people don’t want to go there, but I promise there is some potential. Just look around. 

@TemptingDom

[temptingdominance]

What Makes You Hot

I recently saw a posting by someone who shall remain nameless, but I think it is worthy of a public response. 

There are so many postings on tumblr of guys with ripped bodies and six pack abs. If you have those, great! I know it takes a lot of hard work and determination. You deserve praise for your personal achievements. However, to those that don’t have them, I want to remind you that body type doesn’t make the person. A fit body doesn’t automatically equal a good submissive either. There is a hell of a lot more to a person than their body. 

Granted, I am a big believer in a healthy lifestyle. You shouldn’t be sitting around eating doughnuts all day (as delicious as they may be). But this also means eating a balanced diet and getting all the nutrients you need. You should never starve yourself for the perceptions of others. 

What makes you attractive to me is your spirit. Your willingness. Your ability to march forward. You can be the sexiest, fittest person in the world but if there is nothing churning upstairs… we have a real problem. What is hot to me, is a boy who knows what he wants. 

If you will get in your underwear and get on your knees and beg to be touched, you are fucking beautiful to me.*

Be the boy you want to be. The boy that you are inside. Because when you are happy, it penetrates into the people around you. It makes you a better person, and a better submissive. 

*Note: bonus points are awarded by me if you are also a nerd. 

[temptingdominance]

Come here!

“In the bedroom…” As I wait for you. “Not a word,” I demand as I look you dead in the eyes. “Now turn around and get against the wall.” I come up behind you and press myself into you. As my fingers start to wrap around your body, probing your soft flesh through your clothes. I softly kiss your neck. “What are you up…” you try to interject. “What did I tell you?” I hiss into your ear. “Not a word. I thought that was clear.We will have to take care of that little behavior issue. But I will start again. Not a fucking a word.  Nod if you understand!” You nod.

I go back to kissing your neck. “It’s been a such a long day. All I could do is sit at my desk and think about you.’ One of my hands starts to squeeze your ass. “And you are going to give me what I need, aren’t you, boy?” You feverishly nod your head as your boy dick has grown intensely inside your tight briefs. 

I yank down your pants and underwear, then slide my tongue into your other ear that hasn’t yet received the same attention. I start to stroke your boy dick. “Are you going to be a good boy for me tonight?” You groan and once again nod your head. 

“You realize I am going to get the paddle and spank your ass for talking when I told you not to.” You nod. My stroking speeds up as I continue to whisper into your ear. “And yet you still want to be a good boy for me tonight?” You let out a little whimper and nod your head several times. 

I quickly flip you around so your arms wrap themselves around my neck and my lips dart for yours. Sliding my tongue in your mouth and lightly flicking your own. The break the kiss for a moment. Look at you. With this look like I am piercing your soul. My fingers run over the side of your face with a warm smile across my face. 

“Every day I am grateful you picked me.” 

[temptingdominance]

Follow me on Twitter @temptingdom

I know it is repetitive but it the last day to get the message out.

[temptingdominance]

Follow me on Twitter @temptingdom

I know it is repetitive but it the last day to get the message out.

[temptingdominance]

Follow me on Twitter @temptingdom

I know it is repetitive but it the last day to get the message out.

[temptingdominance]

Where can we find you after December 17th?

I decided to create a Twitter today @TemptingDom 

I have to admit. I really like it. It is an easy way to stay in touch. See content. And more importantly, be a voice for humanism within bdsm. 

Follow me. Tag me so I can find you and others. 

[temptingdominance]

Find me.

I’ve been reflecting a lot. I’m scared to lose this community. Please find me. Say hello. Serve me. Befriend me. Whatever you desire. Don’t let go just yet. 

Recon @ DoYouDare

Twitter @ TemptingDom

BDSMlr @ TemptingDominance 

Kik @ YouthfulDominance 

It goes without saying, but yes, that is an order. 

[temptingdominance]

Do you suppose there's a wrong way to do BDSM, even if it's consensual?

Hell yes. Acting like an fucking idiot is the wrong way to do BDSM. That is how people die. 

Playing with breath control when you don’t know what you are doing. Hitting someone and causing permanent damage. Utilizing drugs during the session. Restraining someone and they have sort of reaction and you are not able to quickly relieve them of the restraints. And so on. 

Being stupid is the wrong way. 

If you are a true dominant, it means that you care a great deal about the submissive. If you do not act in a manner that assures the safety of the submissive, you are no dominant. You are the lowest scum that can exist. 

[temptingdominance]

Internet Safety

Amidst all of the wonderful images that tingle you from your spine to your senses, I need to take a moment and talk about something important. I need to impart some fatherly advice – and yes, for this moment, you can call me, Daddy.

BDSM has taken great strides to become a normal, regular expression of desire, emotion, and sexuality, and while impressive changes have occurred, there are still many elements that are subdued. I recognize that the internet remains the single greatest resource for Dominants and submissives to find each other. It can offer a non-judgmental forum for the discussion of interests. However, it is important to remember the world is not a place free from cruelty and malfeasance. I am largely talking to submissives here, but my comments are equally spread around. You need to remain vigilant about protecting yourself.

There are bad people in this world. There are abusers. There are extortionists. There are creepy people who follow you with the sole intent of collecting your pictures. 

I have received my share of distasteful messages, to put it lightly, and I know many boys receive terrible things too. You know that those messages don’t define you. I don’t dismiss that they can hurt, but you know that one idiot does not reflect all the wonderfulness that is you. But one can start as a simple sweet message and quickly turn into harassment. 

Now I want to turn to something we all know exists but we don’t really talk about because we get so focused on the fulfillment that tumblr can offer. For many boys, tumblr offers an expression to your sexuality. It allows you to connect people who share your interests across the broad spectrum of BDSM. This is especially true when you struggle to find people who live near you. However, online exploitation is a real threat. 

I often encourage using common sense and trusting your gut when it comes to BDSM sessions. I want you do the same when comes to online interactions. I hope share some common sense tips with you today. I am not doing this to get on a high horse. As a Dominant, I care very deeply about submissives. I understand you have a more tender heart and you try so hard to please – which is prime for people to take advantage of. My advice here is centered on individuals who have NSFW blogs and submissive-centered blogs. 

Never share your full name. Until you have known someone for a long time. I don’t care how you feel. It doesn’t matter if there is an instant connection. Guard your identity. 

Do not publicly post enough information for someone to track you down. Don’t list your city, your job, and where you can be found. Don’t make it easy for a creeper to track you down. In other words, don;’t give them enough dots to connect. It is fine to say you live in San Diego, but don’t say you are on the executive board of the lgbtq community center.  

Do not provide your cell phone number. Use a messaging application. I don’t care if you are really feeling it. Things can change very fast. Sweet can turn to scary on a dime. Always start with an app, then move to texting. 

Do not post photos that are going to also placed on a website that contains information about you (e.g. facebook, school website). Remember google image search. They can and will find you.

It is okay to be reserved with face photos. You do not have to post naked, full face photos to have a great blog. Of course share it when you have made a friend. But my point is that, you can be reserved and that’s okay. 

One message doesn’t make submission. Often “real alpha men” message a submissive and demand pictures and offerings. To hell with that. Your submission is to be earned. 

Now there is a caveat here that I know everyone is a little different. Some people are a lot more comfortable and confident about sharing information. And what’s okay. My goal in writing this is that you take steps to guard yourself. I wish everyone was wonderful, but there are some bad apples and I don’t want anything to happen to you. 

Your submissiveness should go to someone who deserves it, not someone who will take advantage of it. 

Now back to our regualrly scheduled sexiness. 

[temptingdominance]

Question: What do you think makes a good Dom?

That’s a bold question. I think there is a lot of fluff out there about control and superiority. I think the truth is empathy. When you understand where a submissive is coming from and what it is that he is seeking, it makes you a stronger person and better dominant. I think that a Man who cares about submissive is a greater man than one who simply uses him. When you take the time to plan for a mutually enjoyable, safe, and enticing session, it makes you a better Dominant. It cannot be all about your cock. There has to be passion, connection, and excitement. When you care about a submissive, and I mean care as in more than both of your orgasms, there is so much more on the horizon.

[temptingdominance]

What's milking a boy like?

It is a moment of raw pleasure. Not only for the boy, but for me as well. 

When a boy comes to a Man and says either verbally or non-verbally, “Please Sir have my body, I am yours.” It is a good day for that Man. It is an honorable day for that Man. For here is a boy that is saying, I trust you, I am comfortable with you, I want you to show me pleasure, I want to give you pleasure. For some Doms, they simply want to fuck their boy in a rough manner and get off. I am quite the opposite. I want to tie a boy down. I want to tease his body. I want to make his boy dick tingle. Don’t get me wrong. I love to get off like the next guy. But the true representation of my dominance resides in the fact that I am intoxicated by the moans of a boy. 

When he is tied down, unable to get away from my taunting finger tips. Where I can lube up his helpless boy dick and glide my hand around all around it. Where I grasp the shaft and run my fingers along his tender hole. I know he is mine. Milking is the process of working out the boy’s seed. Slowly. Methodically. And in certain sessions, again and again, until the boy is dry. 

Whimper for me sweet boy. I love to hear him beg for more. I love to use a targeted implement on his soft available hole. An aneros perhaps, so he leaks when I touch him. I love to touch his boy dick with my magic wand. Cupping his boy dick with one hand and guiding the intense vibrating sensation up and down. Then suddenly pressing that intense vibrating sensation on the head of the boy dick causing a sudden jolt against the restraints and a gasp from his lips. 

My milkings are not quick. I love to use a non-latex medical glove so the lube does not absorb into my hand. I love to glide up and down his body dick again and again. I love to make him beg for more. If he does not respond as instructed, I will rub the palm of my hand in circles on his sensitive head. He will wither in pleasurable torture. 

When he finds himself close, the boy will caution me and I will slow the process. We will play a little game of 10 strokes at a time. Getting closer and closer. This is typically where a boy’s eyes roll back. He starts to completely lose himself to the situation. He knows he must ask permission to cum. He is typically begging at this point. “Please Sir?” he whimpers. “I don’t know if I can hold it Sir!” 

Finally, I state in a sturdy, authoritative voice, “You may cum, boy.” To some they may think this is the end. Incorrect. When a boy starts to release, my hand motions only increase. I endeavor to empty every drop from a boy’s dick. I milk out every drop possible. 

And then, as all good boys should know, I softly collect a boy’s cum on my fingers slide them into the boy’s mouth. He must clean up his mess after. Only when his mess is clean will he be untied. 

Most importantly, I expect a boy after this stage of release to say thank you. A boy must always mind his manners. 

After a breath and moment of relaxation. A variety of things can happen. Either the boy can care for the sweet little stains that have arisen on my underwear from hearing him moan and so on. Or we rest a moment longer and we start all over again. 

That is what is it is like to be milked by me. So I must now ask dear boy. Would you like to be milked? 

[temptingdominance]

Question: “Hi Sir. How is the best way to negotiate limits before starting a scene with a new dom? My inexperience makes me nervous about getting in over my head.”

This is a really great question, thank you for asking it. I think it can be very helpful for all inexperienced boys to take heed of such a question. I have noted time and time again how important communication is in a domination and submission interaction. Have you ever seen those statements on Recon or Grindr where they say plan to meet up in so many (e.g. 4) messages? That is just crap. If you see these those, run away! You need to establish some sort of trust through the exchange of conversation. It gives you the opportunity to feel someone out and they can learn more about you. 

I find it interesting how you use the phrase “negotiate limits.” Limits are typically non-negotiable. Meaning you tell the other party these are not going to happen during a session. For example, I, as a Dom, have limits. Things I will do not with boys, and I am not willing change my mind on them (e.g. unsafe sex). 

So here are some general steps. 

Step One: Have a conversation with yourself. You need to think about what are things you are not willing do, somewhat willing to do, and absolutely willing to do. When you are new, the number of things you are not willing to do is going to be a long list. 

I would recommend that you also flip the limits list into an interest list. In other words, “these are things I want to try.” 

Step Two: Build a rapport with the Dom. Before you even talk about limits, you need to build some sort of connection with the Dom. You are building up to the fun. 

Step Three: Pre-session rule.If you interaction is based on online connections (Recon, Grindr, A4A, or even Tumblr), you must convey your limits through that online medium. Do not show up at someone’s place and intend to convey limits. You are likely to forget something. Or maybe the session just gets started quickly because you are both very attracted to each other. 

Step Four: It can be hard to bring it up. I understand that. A good Dom should always ask what your limits are. If he does not, you can ask him what he intends to do during a session. Just so you know it is normal, I do not typically share with a boy exactly what will happen. I will lay out general things that will happen, but I will not say step by step. It takes the fun out of a session if you know exactly what is coming and when. After he gives you a basic idea you can respond that you are not really comfort with it x, y, or z.  

You can also bluntly say, ‘I am new, but these are limits right now…” You can mention that you are interested in exploring new things, but you will need him to talk you through them and you reserve the right to veto that activity. 

I would encourage you to be open to new things. You never know if you will like if you don’t try. 

Step Five: If the Dom responds that he is in control and he will decide what your limits are. End your conversation with him. He is clearly ill-equipped to work a new sub. New subs require a lot of patience and time. 

Step Six: Early in your activities if you are still quite nervous, I would recommend that you and the Dom employ the use of a safe word. I use Red and Yellow. Even though I generally hate safe words, because if I boy has to use one, it means I have failed him. Red means stop everything, the session is over. Yellow means I need a moment this is a little intense. You can also come up with some signal if you are gagged. 

Step Seven: Remember to have fun. Submission is suppose to be fun after all. It is suppose to be something you enjoy. 

[temptingdominance]

Stop Right There Boy

Yes boy, I am talking to you.

I know you are scrolling through your dashboard or perhaps even browsing around my blog. I know you are a little turned on right now. But you could be so much more, you ache to be so much more. You sit there rubbing your boy dick. You want to be a good submissive boy.

You’ve been looking at pictures and reading words. You have been letting your mind wonder. Perhaps you want a cock in your mouth. Perhaps you want to be tied up. Or perhaps you just want a man to give you the structure and desire you need in life.

What underwear do you have on tonight?

Unless it is a pair of briefs or a jock… get up right now and change. You are not be reading my words, feeling that tingle inside your ear unless you dressed in a manner that expect out of my boy.

Good boy.

That is what you want isn’t it boy? You want to be a good boy. It isn’t just to be any boy. You want to be my boy. You went through that checklist of submission yesterday. You need more. You are ready to give in. You are ready to give yourself to me. It doesn’t even matter what “it” is, you want it. You find yourself needing it. You crave it.

You are a submissive boy. You are a little bitch boy. You are a cockslut. You are a fuck toy. You are a play toy. It doesn’t matter… you want to be all of that for me.

Come sit in my lap, boy.

Come show me what you are. Show me that I can touch you. Show me that I can graze my lips along your neck. Show me that you are mine. Show me that no one else matters. Allow me to touch your soft sweet skin. Allow me to slide my hand in your underwear and hold that which is mine.

I will never force you. I will never take it in a bout of rage. You will give it all to me. You offer it to me. You will want me to take it. I will make your very soul ache by my words. I want you to accept me. I want you to give yourself to me.

Look down at your underwear boy. Are you hard? Do I have an effect on you? This crude test is simple enough to know that you want me.

My dominance is different. You know that. If you respect me, I will respect you. I will teach you. I will hold you. I will treasure you. You will be your own person, but always come home to me.

You may not be near me right now boy. But perhaps in the future, you will be. Perhaps you will be mine soon enough. I am but a simple Man. A Man who needs a boy to grow and develop as a person. I will push you, but I want you to push me even more.

So I ask you… what you have you done to show me your submission?

Have you sent me the tender gift of adoration that so lovingly adorns my lips? Have you send me a message that fills my soul? Have you read my words and know my desires?

You can keep scrolling if you like, boy. But I ask you to take a moment and accept who and what you are.

I am waiting. 

[temptingdominance]

What does a typical edging session with you look like?

Well I would hope that nothing is ever typical. I want each session to be filled with new experiences and evolving dynamics. But that being said, I will share how I would generally approach a “garden variety” edging session.

I would normally restrain a boy. 

It is certainly possible to edge a boy when he lays flat on the couch or the floor. However, what is the fun in that? It helps to heighten a boy’s experience when you take away his mobility, when you put his body entirely in your care. I lean towards tying a boy to the bed, spread-eagle. That way, I have as much access as I would like. If he likes to squirm or may test the bonds, I may add the leather mitts to keep his hands to place. 

Obviously get him naked before you restrain him. It is a pain in the ass to deal with clothes once you’ve locked him down. 

He will be blindfolded and perhaps gagged.  

Always blindfold a boy. It augments his other senses. It makes me keen on the sensations you are applying to his body. If he is overly chatty, loud, or you just want him to be quiet, a gag is a good addition. A ball gag will do or even just stuffing his mouth with his own underwear. However, if I want a boy to focus on the fact that his mouth is made for sucking cock, I will use the pecker gag. 

Pro-Tip: Have your gear already set out next to the bed on the floor covered by a towel (so he doesn’t see). This will help you be ready to go once he is restrained. And you don’t waste time. 

I start by just touching his body 

Remember that edging is about teasing a boy. You want to stimulate him. You are in no rush. You want excite him. Running my fingers all over him. Getting his boy dick nice and hard. 

Remember that verbal communication is just as important as touching. 

You need to talk to a boy throughout the entire session. You want to get inside his head. You want him whimpering. Tell him what is about to happen to him. Tell him you are going to help him learn to be a good boy. Tell him that his is your fucking little play thing. 

Slow Strokes and Listen to his Body 

Don’t go quickly. Use lots of lube. And stroke his boy dick. All while talking to him. One of my favorite activities is to make a boy countdown the number of strokes, especially if he has to mumble through the gag. 

Listening to his body is so important. The purpose of edging is to bring him closer and closer without letting him cum. One of my frustrations with edging porn is that the guys often just jerk and pause, jerk and pause. Then he just falls over the edge and cums. No. Go slowly. Listen to the body. Teach him to hold it and breathe. 

You need to be the person that decides when he releases. (And he should ask for permission). 

Play with his hole

Almost always during an edging session, I will play with a boy’s hole. I think it adds to his stimulation. At a minimum, I will finger him. I will usually set out some toys to use on him a well. Or keep him plugged while I stroke him.  Or an aneros which I will use in conjunctions with vibrating toys.

Toys on his boy dick 

I love my magic wand. It is one of my favorite toys. It is so helpful in an edging session. And when I want to see him struggle, I will put the device right on the head of his boy dick. He will certainly tug on those restraints. You can also use a vibrator or any other stimulating toys. 

Plan for a little more 

I do like to incorporate other elements into the edging session. Just to keep a boy on his toes. It makes it more fun for the both of you. Add the nipple clamps. Use some clothes pins. Drag the riding crop across his body. Use ice cubes on him. A little icy-hot on his boy balls. Again remember the point of an edging session is to stimulate him. 

Take a Break

Sometimes when a boy does get really close, I put a cool towel on his boy dick and leave the room for ten minutes. The come back and start all over again. This can be really good for driving a boy wild and making the session last. Note however, some boys once they go soft during an edging they may not get hard again. You just need to recognize this risk. Edging can cause a sensory overload. 

Cumming with your permission

When you do get to the point that you want him to cum, make sure you have him ask and you grant it. Then stroke firmly until he explodes. Do NOT stop stroking when he starts cumming. As a Dom, you need to work out every drop. It will be sensitive. He might trash around, but you need to empty those boy balls. 

Clean Up His Mess

Finally, you do not untie him until he has cleaned up his mess. Take out the gag and feed it to him. Make sure he swallows every drop. 

Pro-Tip: His mouth may be dry from being gagged. It might be difficult for him to swallow. Have a glass of water near by for the boy. 

There you have it. That is typically what would happen in a edging session with me. I hope it is helpful to you Doms. 

To you boys reading this right now, I know you are drooling.

[temptingdominance]

A Question to Consider

What would you be willing to give to add structure and balance to your life?

I often get messages from many wonderful boys around the world (and I do love every message I get), and these messages share a theme. Many boys will often say, “I hope I find a Dom like you” or “I wish you were my Dom.” I am humbled and honored by these statements. Though, I have been thinking more and more about it. 

For some boys, submission is something that they recognize about themselves, but they have not had the opportunity to put it into practice for a variety of reasons. They naturally feel that their place is next to a Man to support, love, and follow his direction. Of course, if you know me, I romanticize the notion of Domination and Submission more than others, but that based on my personal beliefs. 

For other boys, submission is a game. It exists only when a boy is horny and wants to fool around. This is not to say that true submissives are horny all of the time, but they do not have to be horny to accept the fact that they want to willing to submit to the graces of another Man. 

This got me thinking, and I wanted to pose the question. Just how far are you willing to go to accept your submission. 

Before I move forward, I need to lay out some caveats for readers who do not fully understand my style. When I ask the question, how far are you willing to go in relation to D/s activities, some might have their minds jump to some initial thoughts. I want to eliminate those now. When I pose this question, we are not having a discussion on whether you should be permanently locked in a cage, whether you should never leave the house and exist as a servant, whether you should be whipped daily, and so on as the notions of fantasy might promulgate these thoughts. There are rather impulsive, even “re” in some cases, images of this on tumblr, but it is not real life. It is important that we draw this distinction now. 

If you were my boy. You would have a job, ambitions, dreams. We would have shared and individual friends. We would go to parties. We would see family. We would exist as a balanced relationship. I don’t want a lost sheep as my boy. Constant self doubt. Reclusiveness. Fear of exploration. These have no place with me. 

Now allow us to go deeper. Returning to the question at hand. I want to know or more over, I want you to consider. How far you would let yourself go to achieve the dominance you desire? 

Do you want a Man to overpower you and pound your tight boy hole into submission? Is this all you want? Do you just want a big strong man to fuck you hard and rough? I would dare say that you only have a flare for the kinky and your focus is solely on yourself. You are limited in your vision. 

Which brings me to my first question, Would you be willing to go a month without intercourse to show your devotion? Two months? Now I know what you are thinking… “Doesn’t a Dom want to fuck? Doesn’t he want to use my body to release?” In a general sense, I suppose that is true. What if “he” spent that time teaching you. Improving your manners. Introducing you to foreplay elements. Do you have to be fucked to be happy? 

If you can accept that there may be a period without penetration by cock, allow us to go further. Could you go a month without an orgasm? And I mean by willpower alone. There would be no chastity device. You would have the guidance, support, and care of a Man every step of the way. But you would have to spend a long period of time earning that privilege to release?

Now comes a question of true submission, can you accept the responsibility that your orgasms must always be approved by another? You may lay in bed every night and jerk off until you cum. You probably think little of it. But can you give a part of yourself away to another Man. Can you give him the key to your sexual release? In order to cum, you are devoid of the decision process. 

When it comes to sex, there is one simple question. Can you accept the understanding that my sexual needs always come before yours? This may seem all too obvious in the nature of dominance, but for some, it is quite challenging. Sometimes you will be used hard. Sometimes you will be instructed to suck cock immediately upon entering the home. It doesn’t matter if you really want to do something, if it conflicts with the wishes of your Dom. Are you willing to accept that judgement of your Sir? 

Notice how these questions have evolved towards sexual structure and what you are willing to do to show your respect. Are you willing to accept that sometimes your judgement can and should be overridden by your Man? You may think that there is absolutely nothing wrong with what you have done or said. This is not to say that you cannot communicate your thoughts and feelings, but will you accept that someone cares enough about you to teach you? 

If you can accept that teaching, can you accept the steps that necessary to help you? I often discuss the sliding scale of dominance from the bedroom. And yes, I will agree that it will be the focal point of our sexual energy, but not necessarily the focal point of our relationship. I believe very strongly in kindness to all people. If I were to catch you being purposefully unkind, especially in the manner that young gay boys like to gossip and judge, can you accept the consequences of your behavior? Can you accept that I will apply corrective action? I want you to be better than that. I want you to be the best you can be. 

As we work towards life balance, there will always be things that are distinctively “you.” Things that should not change, perhaps evolve, but not change just because. Nevertheless, can you accept that there will be aesthetic changes and guidelines to follow because I prefer it? To this point, can you accept that I do not ever want you to wear boxers? I want you in briefs (or a jock or a thong on special occasions). It doesn’t matter if I wear boxers. I ask it of you that you comply with a direction. Can you accept that there will be certain standards laid out for you? 

There are so many more questions that can be asked, but I would close this consideration with general question. Can you allow yourself to become so much more than you are? If you limit yourself to the moment, you cannot grow. Are you willing to try new things? Say for instance, I want you to try out the use of clothes pins and you are not accustomed to them. Will you immediately object or would you at least try it and share your thoughts afterward. 

I must conclude with a simple question. If you are to be my boy, can you accept a kiss from me? If I cannot kiss you, you can never be mine. 

This post poses some questions to consider. They do not have to relate to me specifically. They can be general questions to ask yourself. But the thesis is still the same. How far are you willing to go? 

[temptingdominance]

Question: Can you tell us about effective aftercare?

This is a really great question and something that I am passionate about. I think that if you are going to work over a boy’s bottom, you have a responsibility as a Dom to care for him. You need to invest the proper amount of time after the spanking to make him (1) understand the spanking, (2) know that you still care about him, and (3) recognize the bond between you two. 

As I have mentioned before, there is a difference between erotic and disciplinary spanking. Erotic spanking is more fun and foreplay teasing between a Dom and boy. Aftercare does not apply in the same manner with one exception. My thoughts here are primarily based on the disciplinary needs of aftercare, unless it is a particularly long and intense erotic spanking then aftercare applies. 

Firstly, I want to address that exception, and it applies to a first time spanking. It is important to recognize that there is a very important difference in aftercare between a first spanking and ordinary spanking. The first time can, and usually is, very intense for a boy. You need to go slow. You need him to understand where you are going (this is usually done with a count goal). It is likely that he will tear up a little bit. You definitely need to spend some time with aftercare. 

So, what is aftercare? Aftercare is the act of supporting a boy post-spanking by reaffirming the rationale for the spanking and ensuring that boy still recognizes your commitment to him. 

What is it important? After a spanking, a boy is likely to be worn down and even a little depressed, especially if you made it clear that you are disappointed in him. Let me give you a visual example to illustrate the importance. 

Imagine a scenario where a boy has done something to deeply disappoint you. You then proceed to spank him and provide additional verbal cues during the spanking (e.g. “You have deeply disappointed me”, “This is not the behavior that I expect out of you”, “You need to start behaving like a good boy”, “Are you just trying to waste my time?”). Such an activity is designed to get inside a boy’s head and institute an emotional response with the intention that he will not repeat this activity in the future. 

Now imagine that following the session: The Dom just got up and walked out of the room at the end. Not a word to the boy. He is left alone. In such a position, a boy would likely feel lost, alone, and unsure of himself. 

As a Dom, you do not want such environment to exist. 

Aftercare is taking the step to properly reinforce the purpose of the spanking, which is to make him a better boy. 

Here are my thoughts on effective aftercare 

1. As the absolute first thing you need to do after the spanking, you need to tell the boy that he is a “Good Boy.” The spanking is over. He accepted his punishment. All of the bad things are gone. They are over with. This means that you do not get to hold it over his head. He has redeemed himself. It lets him know that he is good and you both are ready to move forward. 

2. The next step is up to you, but I honestly believe that the second thing you should do is hug your boy. Wrap your arms around him. You told him that he is a good boy, but now you show him. You let him feel your warm. Let him feel that you still care. He can hold onto you. Let him cry if he wants. Just take that moment. 

3. Followed by a conversation. Tell him that you are proud of him. But also take a moment and ask, “Do you understand why you were spanked?” I think that is important to have that communication. You are using spanking to correct behavior. It is helpful to ensure that he knows and has learned. 

4. The next couple steps really depend on you. If it is hard spanking, I might rub some lotion on his ass to soothe it. I might cuddle up with a boy. Just to take some time together. 

5. Some advocate a warm drink. I think a calming moment is helpful.

6. Once things calm down, reinstate something playful! Just to show him that all is well. it doesn’t have to be a big production. Something fun for both of you. E.g. cocksucking. tickling. Making out. etc.

I hope this is helpful. Bottom line: You need to invest time in your boy. Aftercare is important. It makes the spanking more effective in the long run and it ensure the strength of your boy.