Daisies + Lilies

I was trying to find love, but then I found myself. 

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You shrug. I sigh.

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I wonder what was on your mind when you drove away.

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While I believe that often, it takes time and effort to fall and stay in love, I am certain that the love of your life will sweep you off your feet in mere seconds. Fall in love, yes. But life's too short to be with people whom you don't want to kiss the hell of every second of the day.

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Your best love story won't be with the one you swipe right on Tinder,

She won't be the one who texts you first on Bumble,

She doesn't even have a profile on OkCupid.

She'll be the one who has the loudest laugh in class

And sometimes she got embarrassed for talking too much, yet keeps on talking

She's the kid that cannot stay still

And every hour she has to take a walk down the hall

You are not much into excessive body fat

But you think her freshman-15 is adorable

Before you know it, you start counting the caps she has,

And how she's so tall, jeans don't fit her quite right

She says hi, she asks how you doing

But your words don't flow quite alright

You have had millions of scenarios in your head

You and her, she and you

Shake your head and walk away

If this is love, it shall stay.

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Dear God, 

When my love comes, make it insane.

Drown me in the taste of their lips mid-morning 

as the walls echo the wars we fought last night 

where we both came out as the winners.

Trap me in the darkness 

as I grab their strong hands 

and burst into the wild light.

Suffocate me with the fire in the forest eyes

and bury me under the fallen trees 

as I cry out their names in the softest way possible.

Drive me mad 

as I sing songs about their courage 

and break into the dance of our thundering heartbeats.

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Having a girl crush when you're still unsure about your sexuality:

- Try to dress like she does

- Convince your best guy friend that he should date her so you three can spend quality time together

- Change “she" to “he", “her" to “him" or just use “they/theirs"

- Date a guy and hope the gay goes away

Having a girl crush when you are sure that you like to be on her, not just be her:

- Ask for her number, pretending it's for school/work

- Talk to people in your group and refer to you two as “your crush name's and I”

- Drop hints everywhere that you'll do anything for her

- Laugh the loudest at everything she says

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I don't know if I love Paris or I just love being in Paris with you.

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Sadness was usual,

creeping up your passenger seat early mornings,

blanding your strongest dark roast,

blocking the heartbeats of a sweet boy you liked last summer.

But happiness,

happiness is brand new,

waking you up with the aroma of freshly baked bread,

wrapping you in invisible daisy blankets,

filling you up with wild gardens and sunshine. 

- I wrote this the day after I came out to my closest friends. I am still trying to get used to this strange yet exciting happiness. 

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Always remember that you have the power and right to say “Nope" and walk away from any people, from any situation, from any thing.

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Modern dating is hard. Does he like you if he does not text you every minute? Is he a normal person if he does not have a social media account? 

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Yes, I've been told That some people grow old Without losing a part of their soul But if that is true I don't wish it on you There's so much to adore in a heart that is blue.

You're No One 'Til Someone Lets You Down - John Mayer

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Some time ago I read a post about the love of your life and the love for your life.

The love of your life is intense, filled with hope, daydreams and mistakes. It holds you down as the water rushes in. It is something you desperately want but cannot have. It pulls you to to the two extreme ends of your emotions, and it does not last.

The love for your life, on the other hand, is calm. It reminds you of the lazy days on the beach with your family when you were younger. It is comfortable, it sets you free and it helps you grow. It is the kind of love that last a lifetime.

What is your choice? What are you blessed with?

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The first time I said “I love you" wasn't to you.

I whispered it softly to the checkout lady who put in down on a tiny yellow card

and tuck it into a packet of alcoholic candies

I bought for you. 

I still don't know where the candies ended up,

but the card was all crumbled up before it reached you. 

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My only consolation is knowing you are out there,

looking for my strange soul in every person you kiss,

praying that they won't hold your tender heart too hard,

trying to not miss me again by a millisecond,

crying for a love you have heard about but never possessed.

Honey, I'm on my way,

I'll cross the ocean just to touch your face. 

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Whom you love is not a big deal, especially when no one likes you back! 

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Lately, I have been listening to the song “Waterloo" by ABBA. I found the lyrics extremely moving: “I feel like I win when I lose. Waterloo I was defeated, you won the war.”

Is it ironic that to be in love we have to lose ourselves? Or is life an invisible scale that we cannot tip?

I am a reckless ruler. I dance with pretty boys and blow kisses at gorgeous girls. Yet, under his perfection of a body is where I found a home. “Come here", I whispered, but what I meant was “take whatever you want, just give me your love”. It felt so good to give up the fight every time he smiled at me. 

And of course, he left. Men like that are never satisfied with an easy win. I got my kingdom back, yet, freedom has never tasted so bitter. 

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I carefully put the napkin on my lap,

And he said it was the gentlest thing he had ever seen.

I cut the steak into small pieces,

And he said that he'd show me his favorite Spanish town.

I laughed at his joke,

And he said he could get used to having dinner with me everyday.

I said goodbye with a hug,

And he called me to say I could have been the love of his life.

We often talk about the crazy kind of love that knocks our bodies over, robs the last piece of our rationality, but we must remember what comes easy, goes easy as well.