[conversationalrussian]

have to explode; the mountain goats / the goldfinch; dir. john crowley / the goldfinch; donna tartt

[dissociationdays]

Types of dissociation

1. Amnesia - this is when you can’t remember incidents or experiences that happened at a particular time, or when you can’t remember personal information.

2. Depersonalisation - a feeling that your body is unreal, changing or dissolving. It also involves out of body experiences, such as seeing yourself as if watching a movie or floating above.

3. Derealisation - the world around you seems unreal. You may see objects changing in shape, size or colour, or you may feel that other people are robots or generally unreal.

4. Identity confusion - feeling uncertain about who you are. You may feel as if there is a struggle within to define yourself.

5. Identity alteration - this is when there is a shift in your role or identity that changes your behaviour in ways that others would notice.

[oh-dysseus]

dane dehaan as lucien carr, kill your darlings (2013) dir. john krokidas

"another lover hits the universe, the circle is broken."

[gaugua]

“we lay in the dark, breathing together, the deepest intimacy.”

— Louise Glück, excerpt of Faithful and Virtuous Night (via moaka)

[frogdilf-archive]

richard siken, little beast / my chemical romance, demolition lovers / jennifer’s body (2009) / phoebe bridgers, savior complex / thoroughbreds (2017) / leona lewis, bleeding love / billie eilish, when the party’s over

[primulaceas]

Richard Siken, A Primer for the Small Weird Loves

[vegaschapters]

you know how theo is very [you want a better story? who wouldn’t] and [here is the repeated imagine of the lover destroyed] while boris is very [sorry about the blood in your mouth. i wish it was mine] and [hello darling, sorry about that. sorry about the boney elbows, sorry we lived here, sorry about the scene at the bottom of the stairwell and how i ruined everything by saying it out loud] and how vegas is very [so it’s summer, so it’s suicide, so we’re helpless and struggling at the bottom of the pool] and [and you are ready to die in this swimming pool because you wanted to touch his hands and lips and this means your life is over anyway/and you know that a boy who likes boys is a dead boy, unless he keeps his mouth shut, which is what you didn’t do, because you are weak and hollow and it doesn’t matter anymore] and [please keep him safe. let him lay his head on my chest and we will be like sailors, swimming in the sound of it, dashed to pieces] and [i sleep. i dream. i make up things that i would never say. i say them very quietly] while new york is very [someone’s doing all the talking but no one’s lips move] and [leave the lights on. keep talking. i’ll keep walking toward the sound of your voice] and [you just wanted to prove there was one safe place, just one safe place where you could love him. you have not found that place yet. you have not made that place yet. you are here. you are here. you’re still right here] but then amsterdam is very [because you want to die for love, you always have] and [i’m bleeding, i’m not just making conversation] and [don’t make a noise, don’t leave the room until i come back from the dead for you. i will come back from the dead for you] and [you’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you. and you feel like you’ve done something terrible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself a grave in the dirt, and you’re tired] and [no more tears. i would like to meet you all in heaven] and antwerp is very [i made this place for you. a place for you to love me] and [i had a dream about you. we were in the gold room where everyone finally gets what they want] and [there are many names in history but none of them are ours]?

[borispav]

The Goldfinch

↳ chapters + their first pages (4/12)

[violentwavesofemotion-deactivat]

I am the ocean; the earth; whatever dies for you.

Alice Notley, from In The Pines: Poems; “The Black Trailor (A Noir Fiction),” (via loveage-moondream)

[yvesolade]

I thought I would die right there, in his kitchen. In the middle of Autumn. Amongst all that golden light: sweet as the stone heart of a peach. Sweet as his fingers in my mouth.

Yves Olade, from “The Slaughterhouse” in Slaughterhouse (2020)

[garfstar]

brokeback mountain (2005) / the goldfinch (2019)

[lesbian-karolina]

- We are an awful lot alike, Theo.

[cescedes-deactivated20210628]

— Marcel Proust, from a letter to Reynaldo Hahn.

[amoremetbellum]

“I love the ground under his feet, and the air over his head, and everything he touches, and every word he says. I love all his looks, and all his actions, and him entirely and altogether.”

—Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights

[wishbzne-deactivated20210526]

anne carson, ‘plainwater’

[ID: “What are we made of but hunger and rage?” end ID]

[shensis]

the bell jar, sylvia plath.

[storybookprincess]

suddenly remembered this poem as i was making breakfast this morning & frantically googled “poem remembered to buy eggs?????????” & somehow managed to find it & it utterly knocked the wind out of me just as much as when i first read it