Agatha is addicted to power, she loves how of a high it gives her to absorb other witches' powers. In Rio, she found someone who is enchanted by her special power, someone who is fascinated by her entirely, who does not judge her, no, Rio is completely intoxicated by all of Agatha, and vice versa, Agatha pulled Death, and Death pulled Agatha, they were unstoppable together. It gives both of them a high when Agatha uses her powers now, it makes it ever more fun, more addicting, because after, there's Rio. Neither of them can help their feelings when both of them have been wandering around with no one else but loneliness until they found each other, they're the perfect couple, they LOVE each other, so much so that Nicholas happens. And they know, they KNOW, both of them, that he can't live, but Agatha can't seem to grasp the idea, no arguments from Rio will make her accept what they both know will happen, all Agatha thinks is she needs to raise this child better than she was raised, she might be a serial witch killer, but she will NOT be a bad mother.
(Except she can't help it).
She runs from Rio, she begs Death not to follow her, and Rio does as she's told, Agatha needs time, and she will always listen and try to bend the rules for Agatha. The spirit witch spends her whole pregnancy running, from something that is imminent. She spends her pregnancy not doing what she's used to do, because maybe, if Death isn't close to collect her bodies, Death isn't close to them either.
Agatha feels so weak by the time Nicky is born, and she goes to her old habits, and it's like giving an addict their addiction back. And she finds that it's so much easier with a child. She can't help it, it feels good, and maybe... just maybe, she could help Nicholas if she had power enough.
(She knows she can't, she keeps doing it anyway, conving herself it's for Nicholas. It's not.)
Agatha loves her child, with all her heart, every day with Nicholas, she feels like she's doing okay as a mother, even if they live in the woods, even if she uses him to lure witches to her. It's not every day, she tells herself, it's not even every week. They are happy.
(Except Nicholas grows up, and it's not that happy anymore).
Because Nicholas hates it, he doesn't understand, and how can Agatha explain to him if there's nothing really to be explained other than the fact that even with him, she's still addicted to power? Nicholas doesn't get it, Nicholas doesn't like it, Nicholas is not like Rio. He doesn't praise her, he isn't enchanted, he doesn't think she's special because of it, he just wants her mother. And Agatha is a good mother, she is, and her son loves her, he simply doesn't love what she does. But Agatha can't not do it.
When Rio finally takes him, Agatha hates her, and a part of Rio hates Agatha, too. She gave them time, she left them alone, and Agatha used him, their child, and for some reason, she is to blame in Agatha's view. Rio bent the rules. Agatha didn't use the time the way she thought she would.
(Rio forgives her, she knows Agatha too much, she loves her too much).
Agatha doesn't, she doesn't forgive Rio, and she doesn't forgive herself. But not forgiving herself is still not enough to make her stop. She makes it worse, she keeps on using her child, using their song to lure more and more witches, and it still feels good, so good.
Sometimes she waits for Rio to show up, only for them to have their fun together and then she runs off again, she can't have another child with Death, she also can't face her for too long.
(They look so much alike, both her loves).
But she also can't help how she misses the praising, the sparkle in Rio's eyes looking at her. Agatha finds her and Rio are still the best relationship she always had, even after a child. Rio is mesmerized, Nicholas wasn't. Rio doesn't ask for explanations, Nicholas did. They always fight, their relationship isn't the same, because Agatha can't handle the truth, and Rio just goes with it.
(They still love each other but Nicholas changed everything).
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