Kelan Dammers

Snack like Guy Fieri can't eat you

[dammit-dammer]

savibryant‌:

“So what you’re telling me is men haven’t been able to please women for over 30,000 years? That fun fact is both interesting and disappointing.” Savannah said with a laugh, rocking back on her heels. “I honestly just got here so you’re alright by me, sweet pea. Maybe if you tell me some more fun facts about sex toys I might just buy something.”

“That’s... That might actually be true. If anything it probably makes sense considering the lack of science or understanding that probably went into it back then but who’s to really know you know? This could have sparked like the entirety of BDSM as we know it right?” Kelan rambled almost excitedly, though for why he was uncertain. He knew as little on the topic as anyone else but history had always gotten him excited and a small part of him believed that that meant everyone else thought so too. “Just got here like to town? Well welcome! I was new a few months ago myself. What brings you to town?” He asked curiously as he glanced down at the folder he’d been given and started flipping through it to see what kind of facts he could find. “Oh here’s a fun one! Did you know Cleopatra was an innovator of the vibrator and was said to pleasure herself with the vibrations created from a box full of angry bees.”

[dammit-dammer]

pcrfctjosie‌:

“THIS IS A WHAT KIND OF STORE?! YOU SELL WHAT KIND OF PRODUCTS?!” Josie didn’t have time to register that this was the first time she’d ever screamed in front of a human being that wasn’t her brother due to the fact that paparazzi had been following her and she just wanted a day alone. She wanted nothing to do with her family name for just one damned day. She didn’t even register how interesting his facts were. Instead, Josie was searching for a place to hide. Unfortunately, the sex store would have to do. Squeaking as she saw the camera pointed at her she ran and dove behind the counter. “Do you have a back room? Preferably with no like s-sex things? I need to hide.”

Kelan had been certain he’d been talking to one of his regulars, not that he had many, so it was really a dumb thing to assume. But the presence felt familiar until he realized it definitely wasn’t as the blonde looked at him with a horrified expression. “Oh shit! Um... This is.. well it’s a sex shop. It’s kind of a hidden gem of Dayton, oddly enough.” He started to explain until the fact that the initial panic on her face still hadn’t seemed to fade. “A place to hide? Uh yeah we have the movie theater or the play room, or my office if you want to hide out back in there.” He said as he grabbed the keys off the counter and made his way out from behind the counter to show her the way to his back office. His office was probably the best option, although he couldn’t guarantee that it was completely devoid of sex objects. He was still learning what half the objects in his office were. Like the apparent sex swing he’d been using as a chair for the last month. “Does this work?” 

[dammit-dammer]

I wanna, lick you from yo' head to yo' toes And I wanna, move from the bed down to the down to the to the flo' Then I wanna, you make it so good I don't wanna leave But I gotta, know what-what's your fantasy

“Is this a song? This feels like a song! I love songs!” 

[dammit-dammer]

I want to sit on your face until you give me a 5% off discount to the g-spot

“I… um… will I be able to breathe still?” 

[dammit-dammer]

“So while I was gone I went to this conference thing about like sex toys and shit. I was told it would help me be more.. aware of what my products do? I don’t know I guess I learned quite a bit but I have to say I think the most interesting piece of information I picked up was that the worlds oldest reported dildo is over 30,000 years old!” Kelan said excitedly as he looked over his inventory lists about what all still needed to be unpacked. “Anyways I’m sorry I had to shut the shop down while I was gone but yes we are absolutely re-open for business.”

[dammit-dammer]

realshanemartis‌:

Working late hours at a bar always made Shane’s life a little crazy. She never had a normal schedule like everyone else. Sleeping weird hours during the day and being up all night. It was the reason for her going to a sex shop as soon as it opened. Of course, what she didn’t indent on getting was a hilarious show of the shop keep dancing around with a dildo, singing along to a country song. It took everything in her not to laugh and throw off his grove. After his big finish, she watched the guy realize he wasn’t alone which didn’t help the fact that she wanted to burst out laughing. It’s never a dull moment when you go to a sex shop but typically it’s because of what’s on the shelves, not because the person working is dancing and singing. “Didn’t want to interrupt your little party there,” she said with a grin. “I just wanted to grab a few things real quick and you can go right back to what you were doing.”

Kelan was confound, rattled, spooked, and many other synonyms for flustered! His face hot with the blush that had taken over in its entirety. Why had he thought it would be a good idea for him to unlock the door while still going at it. This would be exactly his kind of luck. I know you’re embarrassed but you have to say something. He thought to himself as he realized he’d been staring with a horrified look on his face for a little too long. “I am SO SORRY!” He said, shaking his head and running around the counter to turn his phone off before god forbid another song came on. “You totally weren’t interrupting. That was... I don’t know what that was. I’m not... That’s not... I promise I’m not always like that.” He added, which was a total fib but how would she know? “Um right a few things. Of course. Was there anything specific you were looking for?” He asked quickly as he let himself come back out from behind the counter. “I just re-stocked a bunch and we’ve got some new stuff around somewhere. I don’t know what a bunch of it does but it seems like the people on the boxes are really enjoying themselves.” 

[dammit-dammer]

aforestfulloftrees‌:

Forest was so happy to see Kelan. Many people had come and gone through the commune, Kelan and his family were some of them. And now they were finally reunited. “I feel like it’s been lifetimes since we’ve seen each other!” He beamed at his old friend, wrapping his arms around Kel in a tight hug. “Well I don’t really live here, really, I don’t really have a place to live. We got shut down back home so I decided to come check out this part of the state. Heard some crazy stories about this place.” It was a little surprising that Kelan would end up in a place like this, he probably seemed out of place next to some of the people he heard about. Someone on the bus ride over was telling him a story of a creepy blonde girl doing a bunch of drugs and killing one of the town’s drug dealers or something. Kelan was far too soft to be around people like that. “How have you been? How long have you been here?”

“It probably has dude! With like different dimensions and shit. For all we know at some point we’ve stepped through a warp hole and bam now we’re in a different life and it’s actually been a whole lifetime since we’ve seen each other!” Kelan said excitedly, unsure where this bizarre theory was coming from. He wasn’t one for often making them up, however this one seemed to be the only sensical one as to why he hadn’t seen his friend in such a long time! He returned his friends hug and smiled, lifting the other boy up in an excited frenzy. “Well shit. Do you need a place to live? I mean at least for the mean time until you find something else. I’ve got a couch with your name on it man.” He said quickly without giving it quite as much thought as perhaps he maybe should have. “I’ve actually only been here for about a month or two myself. It’s been... quite the learning experience to say the least but I’m slowly getting accustomed to it. I own a sex shop now!” 

[dammit-dammer]

laurelthatcherismss‌:

Laughing, she smiled warmly at him. Saved for the masquerade, Laurel has never met him before. That was a bit of a surprise considering how well they connected. But the woman was happy to see him again. “I was Psyche that night, yes. My mortal name is Laurel, though.” She walked over to him. She looked around the place before her eyes settled on him again. “You know, of all the places I’d hope of running into you again, I really hadn’t thought of a sex shop being the place. I was honestly expecting the aquarium or the beach or something water-themed, I guess.”

“Laurel! Wow thats...” Kelan paused as he realized this was about to be one of those please think before you speak moments. Alas he let himself finish. “That’s a really great name too!” He said excitedly as he noticed her taking a look around his shop. There was a reason he typically left that out when discussing his interests and what he does. He wasn’t keen on people thinking he was a total perv despite the fact that living in Dayton probably did a little bit of that anyways. “Yeah I know it’s not.. Not super typical for me but it was kind of a family business and my uncle needed someone to step in and take over so here I am! Owner of... this place.” He said, looking back for a moment and pulling a water bottle out of the cooler that sat in front of the register. “Technically there is water here. So you were really close.”

[dammit-dammer]

heroastaireismss‌:

Hero honestly hated how much Charity still has her wrapped around her little finger. It’d been that way since day one and at first, she wished for nothing but the older girl’s love and affection for so long. Now she wishes that the girl’s memory would stop haunting her like a damn ghost or something. She was tired and wanted the chance to have something good. To have someone to love and for them to love her in return, someone to remind her what love is suppose to be like. That it’s not suppose to be like how her ex treated her for the last couple of months. But it was so scary. Honestly, she wasn’t sure how she even grabbed Charity’s attention in the first place. So how can she expect to grab someone new’s attention and for them to love her while not being a liar about it? She can’t, because it won’t happen. She need to accept that. But while her brown eyes scanned Kelan’s face, she found herself surprised by his words. She wasn’t sure how noticeable it was in the dark but her cheeks grew into a soft red. She looked away for a moment, her long hair covering her flustered face. For a moment, she almost said no. No, thank you. I should be heading home now; Good night. She almost did. Yet as she looked back at him with her mouth opened to speak, something else escaped her lips: “I’d love to. As long as you don’t plan on making me the next Black Dahlia or something.”

Quiet. So quiet. Oh buddy boy you sure fucked this one up. Way to go. Kelan’s brain repeated, as his fingers tightened around the swing and became mystically sweaty and ice cold all at the exact same time. He couldn’t convince himself to look away, feeling like if he did she would definitely think he was a weirdo, but god did staring not make it any better. He prepared himself for the worst, but the worst never came. Instead he was met with an agreement that sounded almost as surprising to her as it did to him. “Wait really? Shit uh yeah I can go get them!” He pipped up, a child like smile making its way to his features as he practically leapt off the swing, having to catch his footing as his foot got stuck in the bark. “You definitely don’t have to worry about that! Mostly because I don’t really know what it is but uh.. I’ll be right back!” He announced as he ran off towards the parking lot that was only a few paces away. It wasn’t far and he was sure he looked ridiculous as he popped the trunk and proceeded to grab an insane amount of blankets that he had piled in the back. To most the fact that he had that many might have been a little weird but some of the habits from his old life were hard to break. For the first week he’d lived in Dayton, he’d found himself spending most of his nights in his car just for the familiar cramped space that he didn’t get living in a giant apartment above the shop. As he made his way back, he was cautious to not totally drop everything as he stopped at the swings. “Literally I have enough here to build a whole ass fort if you want. You will never find a more comfortable play castle.”

[dammit-dammer]

local-addict-siobhan‌:

Siobhan had always meant to go to this sex shop just to look around and see if there was anything he fancied. But between Killarney and his freelance artist gigs, he never really found the time. But with this new relationship with Mickey, and Killarney going to preschool, he had some more time on his hands. and a strange want to try out some things with Mickey. So, with an open umbrella in hand since the sun was beating down harder than ever, he decided to trek over to G-Spot. Once at the door, he moved to close the umbrella before opening the door to a very interesting sight. He looked over it for a moment and had to have a little laugh. Well, more like a hard laugh. The kid seemed so anxious that Siobhan would perceive it the wrong way. “Nah, mate. It’s a bloody sex shop, I’m pretty sure I signed up for t’is when I walked in.” He shrugged it off, walking towards them, noticing he seemed to have lost the key. “Ya got a paperclip mate? I know how t’shimmy outta a handcuff wit’ t’at. Havin’ an ex t’at’s a dominatrix taught me a lot of shite. Won’t even hurt th’ handcuff eit’er.”

Kelan wasn’t sure what was worse. How comical the new stranger found this, or the look of utter rage on the woman’s face. “I uh... paperclip! Yes I have one of those! Just wait here a minute ma’am!” Kelan said rapidly as he stood up from where he’d been working at getting them off and running back to his office. He was only gone a minute and when he came back he practically tripped over his own two feet to hand the paperclip to the man. “If you can get these off I will owe you big time. And again ma’am I’m so sorry. Seriously I will give you a discount on anything you want in the store. I had no idea these were going to be that impossible.” He said with guilt thick in his throat. “An ex that’s a what?” Kelan asked, pausing for a moment as his brain searched for a meaning behind the word before finally remembering it from the magazines he’d been reading to try and better immerse himself. “Oh wait! Yes Dominatrix. I totally know what that is. Not hurting the handcuff would be much appreciated. They’re a stupidly expensive pair and I’m seeing that maybe that’s for a reason. They don’t break off like prop handcuffs do.” 

[dammit-dammer]

What makes them feel safe or secure? What makes them feel insecure or unsafe?

“I feel really safe in my car. Mostly because it’s like the closest thing I think I have to feeling at home. I will spend endless hours sitting in it even when I don’t need to. It’s enclosed and safe and I can lock it and if I want to drive off into the great perhaps then I can do that. As for insecurities is it weird if I say sex? I work in a sex shop yes but I don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve had it but I’ve never had the kind… That this place is about. Dayton makes me feel inadequate to put it nicely.” 

[dammit-dammer]

A celebrity you want to bang before you die?

“Lily Collins.”

[dammit-dammer]

What's your favorite sex position?

“Um… uh… I uh… the.. you know the one where.. Yeah that one.” 

[dammit-dammer]

If you could only eat pizza or burgers for the rest of your life, which would you pick?

“Pizza. Hands down. This isn’t even a competition. They are so much easier to eat. I have a hard time getting my mouth around a burger.” 

[dammit-dammer]

Kelan’s adventures as a Door Dasher never ceased to surprise him. They were always taking him deeper into this town he was slowly getting to know. Always bringing him into these random business’s that he wasn’t sure could possibly exist outside of a city like Dayton. Even the casinos had a certain air about them that he’d never experienced. Even with all of his families travels and multiple stops in casinos all around the world this still seemed to be the exception. A look of confusion as he looked around the room to try and figure out who exactly he was supposed to deliver his bag too. His lips pursed into a straight line to try and hide his concern. He held with him a large red bag with a whole bunch of food in it that had been making his stomach growl the entire way over and felt his grip tighten nervously as he looked around. The last thing he needed was to fuck up his first order of the evening. “Um excuse me miss! You don’t happen to know who ordered any of this do you?” He asked as he stopped in front of a woman who appeared to be waitressing, only shortly after realizing how completely fucking rude that probably seemed. “Oh shit.. I mean I’m sure the food is probably still really good here though! I’m sure whoever it was was just having some weird cravings.” 

@thatdelucagirl

[bad-bitch-jake-deactivated20191]

Open: Jake||

[dammit-dammer]

bad-bitch-jake‌:

Since dropping out of school not three months ago, Jake spent most of his time out on the streets around town. It wasn’t uncommon for people to see him skateboarding, relaxing, or hitting on handsome men. And 90% of the time, he was high as a kite. Pills were his drug of choice. He had at least a few painkillers on him at all times. Every now and then he’d wash them down with vokda, but for the most part he left the drinking for parties. He’d self-medicated with two oxy’s just minutes before, and took to practicing his parkour. Even high, he was pretty good. He almost always stuck his landings. This time was no exception, having landed just where and how he wanted to, except he hadn’t noticed the person walking right where he was heading, closing out his front-flip by bumping into the other. “Fuck, sorry! My bad!” Jake said. “You alright?” 

Kelan wasn’t sure how in hells name he was running late but somehow he managed. A strange feat when you literally live in the apartment upstairs from the shop he was supposed to be opening, but instead he’d let himself get caught up in the mystical aisles of Target. They had sucked him in and held him hostage until he had at least $100 worth of things he definitely hadn’t gone in for in the first place. He’d never claimed not to be impulsive. Unfortunately in his hurry to not be late he’d completely missed the kid that had come flipping in his general direction, almost causing him to lose his balance and drop all his bags. “Oh shit!” He said, backing up slightly as they completely ran into each other. “I uh-.. Yeah I’m good.” He said as he ran his hands over his body to make sure everything was still attached. “My eggs might be a little fucked but that’s not the end of the world.” He said as he looked over at the bags that were scattered over the ground. “That was a pretty cool uh.. thing you were doing.” 

[dammit-dammer]

sadieremington‌:

“Did the applause somehow hint that I was at all unsatisfied with what I was just entertained with?” she challenged with a raised brow. Her grin continued to spread every single time he threw in the word sexy; one, two, three, four. “Ah see, that just depends on knowing your audience,” she pointed out, moving towards the register, her fingers lightly running along the edge of it. “I know this place offers some Magic Mike level shows. And that has it’s time and place. But some people think “real” is a lot more sexy than “scripted”. And people losing themselves in a song and getting caught mid dance break…peak sexy to me, my friend. And I’m sure I’m not the only one.”

Sadie nodded with enthusiasm. “I mean if you’re gonna go ham to such a classic you have to do it justice. If I go for a great during karaoke I feel the same level of responsibility, gotta dance, gotta work the mic, even if I’m sloppy drunk.” Her two thumbs go up, raised high. “And Breakfast Club. YES. Always. Ugh my favorite movie of all time. I’m so sad I missed the jump, honestly.”

Was he leather bondage and riding crops fifty shades of grey guy? No, absolutely not. He seemed more like the kind of guy that caught you by surprise, the sexy popped out and came for you in the middle of a food fight, while you were washing dishes and he was drying. It was soft, playful, unassuming. And he was completely unaware of it which made it all the more potent. “Yeah actually, I could use some help. I’m used to coming in here for myself, not shopping for others. But my friend is having a bachelorette party and I was tasked with finding something funny and naughty simultaneously. Any suggestions?”

“Unsatisfied? Maybe no. But you know for all I know it could have totally been like a pity clap. I am not foreign to those.” He said, only to instantly regret it. Was it possible for him to make himself sound more like a loser? Well kids let’s find out. He nodded as she started on about the Magic Mike level shows. He was not unfamiliar with them, thanks in part due to his driving jobs, as well as the little he’d seen when people decided to come in and actually test out the play room the shop provided in the back. Not that he ever meant to, but he’d be lying if he said the people in this town were good about keeping the door closed. It was like they learned nothing from Panic at the Disco. “Do you really think that?” He asked, the question coming out so much more innocently than intended.

She is going to think you are a literal child. As if his baby face didn’t do that enough for him. “It really is kind of a classic. Keith Urban has some hits under his belt. I do slightly include some of his borrowed work from Sam Hunt in that list.” He said, unsure why he felt like this girl would care at all about his ridiculous knowledge of country music and its drama. “I’ve never actually done karaoke before. I’ve always thought it’d be kind of cool. Especially cause like I’ve seen in movies and stuff when people do it. And I can actually play a little bit of guitar so I don’t know I think it’d be neat but the opportunity has not exactly fallen into my lap.” He added as some of his awkwardness started to fall away, only to be replaced with very mellowed enthusiasm. Recalling his mothers recommendation not to come off as ‘too much.’ An odd suggestion really for a woman such as herself but Kelan didn’t really know any better than to take her advice so he’d always made an effort at reeling himself in. 

“Funny and naughty? Well I think we might be able to help with that!” Kelan said as he thought about some of the items he’d seen around his store that made him chuckle on his own time. “What about something edible? I feel like that can be a little bit of both right? I’ve kind of debated if that’s sexy or gross but maybe with the right person they wouldn’t mind you know?” He suggested as he led her down an aisle to their selection of weird gummy and candy outfits. “I’m also pretty clueless about sizing on these things. Or we have like sex dice. Those can be kinda cool I think. Maybe? Not sure i’ve never actually used those either. Or maybe the king dong centerpiece? That’s always fun. It’s a 15 inch giant dildo that apparently also makes for a great paddle if you’re like in a boat or something.”