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@damnproudslytherin
BE GAY DO CRIME FUCK CANON
Wisdoms of a Slytherin #5
If you’re not running with us, run from us.
Alfred + The Alflings Hogwarts Aesthetics 2/4
Aethelflaed, the Lady who fought with words and then with swords.
Asexual+slytherin for @zxsharpxshooter
i used to get self-conscious over the smallest things but friends let me tell you that today i had to smuggle a furious 8ft python onto the bus during the school rush and not a single person noticed. not one. if people don’t care enough to notice a shopping bag writhing and seething with barely-contained reptilian hatred then i promise you that no-one will pay any attention to that blemish you’re fretting about or how you’ve done your hair
Question, why are you bringing a 8 ft python into a public bus? You know that this reptile can kill anyone inside there?
buddy she’s a snake not a flying death tentacle
snakes are not evil killers out for blood, and length doesn’t mean lethality! my biggest guy is 11 ft– if i have him around my neck, both his face and his tail touch the floor– and even his species struggles to take down anything bigger than a small-to-medium dog
the worst damage that my 8fter is capable of is when she decides to do an impression of a blood-pressure cuff and makes my arm go a bit purple, and even that’s just when i humour her dreams of being big and scary and let her squeeze her hardest before i unwind her like a bratty garden hose
as long as you’re not some sort of magical tumblring rat, you’re fine
Okay, I gotta ask…
1. Why was she angry?
2. Where were you taking her on the bus? Is there a leash-free snake park where you live?
I need to know.
1. she’s a cranky ass in general, but her mood was absolutely not improved by eating a bit of a snake hook, getting stuffed in a sack, experiencing an hour of adelaide’s finest public transport, and having a vet jam a tube into her stomach
2. i think all of australia is technically a leash-free snake park tbh
I am so glad there was follow up on this post explaining why the snake was on the bus!!!
“bratty garden hose” I’m dying
All of Australia is a leash-free snake park.
“ buddy she’s a snake not a flying death tentacle “
Slytherin : Resourcefulness / Ambition / Cunning
SLYTHERIN HANUKKAH AESTHETIC
I didn’t see any Slytherin Hanukkah aesthetics floating around tumblr, so I decided to make one myself. Happy Hanukkah Slytherins!
On Slytherin Primaries
For a broader overview of our system, which we suggest you read first, please go here!
Slytherins believe in the importance of taking care of their own. Everyone else is a person, but so are they, so a Slytherin’s job, before everything else, is taking care of them and theirs. This makes what Slytherin are known for, their ambition and ruthlessness, stand out strikingly even while a Slytherin’s core is not inherently selfish or cut-throat.
All of the Houses contain people with great ambitions and great desire for accomplishment and the furthering of their goals. Gryffindors will take on the world to do what they think is right, and are willing to make sacrifices and overrule those who would compromise on what needs to be done, and that’s nothing if not ambition. What makes the Slytherin ambition stand out so significantly is that it’s seen as a selfish ambition, and a guiltlessly selfish one at that. That drive is tied to personal achievement instead of idealistic achievement, and that makes it easier to point at.
But this is key: selfish ambition is idealistic ambition for a Slytherin. A Slytherin’s first priority is to their loved ones not because they love deeper or harder than the other Houses (they don’t), but because it is wrong to betray or abandon your people and right to defend and promote them. Loyalty and defense of your own is an inherent part of the Slytherin morality.
Keep reading
Okay, so if there are Slytherin muggleborns, then there must have been Slytherin muggleborns during the events of Deathly Hallows. Since Dumbledore’s army wasn’t contacting Skytherins, they must have had their own means of protection.
Imagine…
Pureblood students swearing on the honour of Slytherin house that their muggleborn friend is actually their cousin (taking advantage of the fact that, from where they’re standing, Slytherin’s honour doesn’t seem to be worth much anymore).
The Bloody Baron hanging around while the Carrows are investigating all the students’ blood statuses and occasionally saying “no, they aren’t muggleborn— I remember their grandfather when he was at school here” or “definitely not— the Smiths are one oldest wizarding families I know of, though sadly they didn’t get into the sacred 28.” Safe in the knowledge that neither of them are going to argue with a ghost who’s still covered in blood.
Snape summoning students to his office and them freaking out, worried that they’re going to be outed as muggleborns, but instead being told that the Carrows are suspicious, so they’re going to come down with a ‘sudden illness’ and are to get the train home immediately.
Anti muggleborn Slytherins discovering that one of their housemates is muggleborn and going to tell the Carrows— only for about ten of their housemates to turn on them with stunning spells. They end up in the hospital wing and, by the time they’ve regained consciousness, the student in question has been hidden in one of the many secret passages that lead from the dungeons.
Later on, muggleborn Slytherins being the first to volunteer to go with Slughorn to fight in the battle of Hogwarts, followed by their pureblood friends.
Slytherin house protecting its muggleborns.
321. The number of left handed people in slytherin is unusually high so in the common room everything is placed symmetrically. Older right handed slytherins are used to it and always carry fast drying ink with them and everyone practices spells with both hands so they can properly teach them to younger left handed slytherins.
Revenge is below me… but accidents happen.
Slytherins. (Secrets of Slytherin no. 14)
And a Slytherin female and Gryffindor male relationship? What are your thoughts on that?? I love your blog btw!!😍😍😍
Some things you may hear in the Gryffindor common room:
“Slytherins suck”
“I know right!”
“Man your girlfriend is in Slytherin”
“Shit you’re right”
“Look man I really want to support Gryffindor at tonight’s match but everyone will be outside the castle, so we’re gonna take advantage of that”
“No i’m not doing that homework my girlfriend said Snape is sick so he won’t be in class to collect it in”
“Of course I can score us some firewhisky my girlfriend’s a Slytherin”
Some things you may hear in the Slytherin common room:
“Guys my boyfriend said filch takes a nap from eight to nine in the evening so we have a one hour window to sneak out”
“I don’t care if it doesn’t show house pride if I want to wear my boyfriend’s jumper I will”
“My dumb boyfriend got into detention again wanna sneak him out?”
“For the last time Jeremy I am not going to use my boyfriend to find out the Gryffindor quidditch strategy”
I am 100% convinced that some slytherin students used charms to alter their appearance so that they could fight in the Battle of Hogwarts alongside their hufflepuff, ravenclaw, and gryffindor friends. For some of them, it was so they wouldn’t be mistaken for an enemy by their fellow classmates. For others, an effort to protect their identity from Death Eaters they may know: family, friends, loved ones. For all of them, though, it was so they could protect their home.
d'you think the Slytherins were ever making fun of Luna and someone makes a rude comment about her abnormally pale blonde hair
and then a silence falls
they all look to Draco
who is kind of touching his own hair and looking offended
Only Slytherin; Part 1
“I want to make out with you.” “We’re in the middle of potions class” “So?”
”Its not dark enough.” “Darling it’s black” “Not black enough”
“Why are you crying did someone say something really stupid again”
“I didn’t mean to sound like a psychopath when I said that I just hate people”
“Fucking hell am I the only one here who is not an uncultured swine”
“How am I supposed to express my emotions if I can’t even fucking swear in the essay professor”
“I’m sorry do words with more than 3 syllables confuse you?”
“If you don’t shut the fuck up about how uncomfortable your shoes are I will get you muggle crocs for Christmas.”
“Professor am I not meant to be truthful? Then why am in trouble for for calling her out on being a raging bitch?”
“I love you but I don’t need this right now please leave”
“Stop crying, he’s not worth your tears”
some slytherin dormitory headcanons
slytherin common rooms that have large hearths every 20 feet with plush high-backed arm chairs and ornate blackwood tables around
slytherin common rooms with connecting smaller study and hang out rooms for smaller groups of people, with chandeliers and plush rugs to just sprawl on infront of the fire
slytherin common rooms that are furnished with art, tapestries and marble sculptures with little shelves beneath them for information on the famous artists and their process and history to fame.
slytherin common rooms with a beautiful vintage record player that selects songs based on the overall mood of the room, whether they’re muggle or wizarding.
slytherin common rooms with random enchanted ceiling to floor windows that show the hogwarts grounds around them while still maintaining the ethereal glow of the lake above them.
slytherin common rooms that change its architectural layout every 6 months like sometimes its baroque or victorian or italian renaissance or modern contemporary
slytherin common rooms with the best views in the castle of the vast and mysterious underwater creatures swimming by, and during nights, bioluminescent plants on the windowsills act as nightlights for the students.
slytherin common rooms with a 24/7 snack counter in a corner for kids who get peckish and want a nice hot mug of tea with biscuits.
slytherin common rooms that have two extremely large and long corridors that extend in opposite directions of the central room, showing the girls and boys dormitories, and unlike old-fashioned Gryffindor, slytherin places no restrictions on boys entering the girls rooms.
slytherin dormitories being the most comfortable after hufflepuffs with pillows and armchairs everywhere and even the occasional beanbag in the rooms to casually catch up on reading/talking/planning
slytherin students staying up late at night to hotly debate about the market statistics of various independent enterprises in the wizarding world and fight over the economic state of wizarding britain with wildly differing methods on improvement
slytherin hosting an intra-house quarterly competition for the best business strategies, or most innovative improvement to an already existing spell, or something of that sort and the winner gets to pitch their ideas to The Wizarding Times.
slytherin alumni discreetly visiting their old common room to help the current students network and build ties to people outside the school for better advancements after graduation.
slytherins basically not giving a fuck that they’re living in the dungeons because they’re the only house to be able to dig and expand their common rooms into the biggest in the castle, even airier than the ravenclaw common room and live it up in the grand dormitories.
335. Since Slytherins love being dramatic, you can hear sounds of doors being flung open and shrieks of surprise, yelling, and maniacal laughter from the Common Room, and you’ll constantly see people “lurking” and “sneaking” around for fun, and randomly posing dramatically against walls and furnishings, and sweeping in and out of rooms before almost running into a door or something because they were focusing too much on being dramatic and not on their surroundings.
submitted by @cas-sauntered-vaguely-downwards