from 'bird by bird: some instructions on writing and life,' anne lamott, pub. 1994.
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@damnyoulivelikethis
from 'bird by bird: some instructions on writing and life,' anne lamott, pub. 1994.
people will call rap overstimulating and then listen to hyper pop
"No one remembered my birthday-" Well, but did YOU tell anyone it was coming up and you wanted to celebrate it with them?
"I wish someone would see through it when I tell people I'm fine-" Well, but have YOU considered not lying when people ask you how you're doing?
"I am so resentful of my friend because they keep doing this thing that really bothers me-" Well, but have YOU directly communicated that the thing is bothering you?
"I am burning out because my friend keeps expecting me to help them with serious struggles-" Well, but have YOU tried to establish the boundaries you need to feel okay?
"No one ever asks me about this thing I really care about-" Well, but have YOU brought it up yourself?
"I miss my friend but they haven't texted me-" Well, but have YOU been reaching out to them?
Sometimes people are mean, uncaring assholes, in which case you get to be mad. But sometimes you just need to communicate better. Try communication before you assume someone doesn't care!
Having someone who knows you on such a deep level that they see past your mask, or sense you need a check in is such a deep satisfying fantasy. It's up there with living in a cottagecore farm, or buying all your friends houses when you win the lottery. But you have to make peace with the fact that this is also a fantasy. It is unfair to expect people to "just know" when to respect your boundaries or to push them.
Being cared for is not a fantasy. But you have to let people know you need it. And you have to understand that sometimes they will let you down. Just like you totally could live in a cute farm, but you still have to shovel shit, and the crops sometimes die anyway. Or maybe you win the lottery, but you still have to manage your money and learn real estate law.
The fantasy isn't the caring, the fantasy is not having to do the work. And it sucks. It's embarrassing. But like the meme says, it's not rotten if it's YOU. So do it for yourself.
"The fantasy isn't the caring, the fantasy is not having to do the work"! Thank you for that addition. Because it's not a naive expectation to want someone to care to treat you right. But it requires communication and mutual effort to actually get there
I always think of the description I saw years ago: Self-imposed deadlines don't help me, because I know the person who set them, and they're full of shit.
Give yourself the treat before you start. I'm serious. And ideally during the task and afterwards too.
Executive dysfunction comes from a lack of available dopamine. Common advice is wrong. You need to provide your own dopamine before you can start. Otherwise you're trying to run your car on empty.
"But what if I still don't do it" well you already weren't getting it done anyway. Now you have a little treat. Try again later.
You deserve kindness and care even when you aren't being productive.
(Also read How to Keep House While Drowning by KC Davis)
I give my students a LOT of techniques for starting writing when it feels overwhelming or daunting, but one of them is exactly this: dopamine load BEFOREHAND. It may sound weird to people on tumblr dot com, but a lot of people seriously struggle with executive dysfunction when it comes to writing literally anything, to the extent that it can cause such symptoms as panic, depression, and AI chatbot use.
I usually suggest this technique as a "Reverse Pomodoro." In the original Pomodoro, you work for 25 minutes and then take a break for 5 minutes (the times vary, but that's the essential ratio). People with executive dysfunction often find this insurmountable, and they get even more frustrated, and then the task seems even more difficult. So instead, flip those times.
FIRST, spend 25 minutes doing something energizing and engaging that you like to do. Not scrolling social media passively, not watching tv, not napping. Try something like colouring, doing yoga, running/walking around the block, talking about your favourite tv show with someone in real time, playing with the dog or cat, making and eating a lovely sandwich, hula hooping, something active. Having a little treat absolutely falls in this category!
(on the subject of little treats: refusing yourself food until you do work is for fucking Puritans and you can be kinder to yourself)
Then, after 25 minutes (or however long it takes to eat the sandwich or finish the yoga routine, it doesn't have to be exact), spend 5 minutes writing (or doing whatever you're struggling to start). Most people can coax themselves into doing something they find difficult for five minutes, if they have already filled up the joy/energy/engagement bucket. You can put a timer on for the 5 minutes if you want, or if you find that annoying, just work for as long as you like.
The other key is: don't push yourself to keep going when you're frustrated or tired—that will just reinforce the negative belief that you already have, which tells you that this task is painful to do, and needs to be avoided. If you've commonly had to force yourself to do this kind of task, that's likely part of why you think of it as painful and have trouble starting it now. Also, you should just, at a basic level, try not to put yourself in pain for the sake of productivity. So just do it till the good feelings run out. Then start hula hooping or colouring again for another 25 minutes. When the tank's refilled, try another 5 minutes of work, if you can. Adjust times to taste.
Not every technique works for everyone, but I've seen this one work for many students who are genuinely and seriously disabled by executive dysfunction. And many people find themselves getting more and more excited and engaged in the "difficult" task—because the good feelings from the hula hooping carry over, and because they're suddenly able to do the task without feeling pain, and feel accomplishment without feeling pain.
crazy how i find myself thinking i've got a handle on it all finally and then i see the ways that other people tangle their lives together so easily and live so easily together with their friends and i feel like that girl at the top of the stairs painting by norman rockwell
i'll always be here
I will NEVER let ppl forget that Brad Pitt terrorised and beat Angelina Jolie and their kids so bad on a plane ride that a report was filed by the FBI with multiple witnesses. And I will never forget that Angelina Jolie filed for divorce from him almost immediately after that incident in 2016 and it wasn't until THIS YEAR that Pitt agreed to it after ALMOST A DECADE of dragging her and their kids through bullshit defamation court proceedings. But you'd never know because that fucker is everywhere with his fake racecar movie and shitty cheek fillers and everyone just eats it up. So many people warned that the Depp v Heard case would light the way for famous abusers to be rehabilitated in the public eye and it did. It proved to abusers that they don't even need to be sorry or acknowledge what they did they can just keep showing up, smear their victims behind the scenes with astro turfing and let the fans and industry do the rest. brad pitt, Kevin Spacey, James Franco, Ezra Miller, Johnny Depp etc. all of them are thriving in the spotlight rn and being invited to major industry events and even winning awards despite documented incidents of abuse. It's so fucking depressing.
no dude it's so cool how attached you are to that character who is singled out and ostracized due to the external monstrousness that clashes with their internal spark of humanity. and i love how drawn you are to themes of horror and love, nature versus nurture, otherness, isolation, and the abject. i bet you have normal feelings about your own personhood
If my father dies, please remember that I begged you for a small donation or to share my post. I will not forgive anyone who sees this post and doesn't support me with a single word or a small donation, and ignores me.
I write these words with tears in my eyes, overwhelmed with fear for my father. He has been suffering excruciating pain and repeated fainting spells for the past week due to his cancer, and he cannot afford all the medications he needs because of their high cost. All I wish is that nothing bad happens to my father again, so I implore you to support me and help me buy his medications, cover his hospital stay, and get him the necessary surgeries as soon as possible. Please, be our support.
Worse still, my father suffers from blocked arteries and heart attacks, and he urgently needs surgery to remove the cancer and have stents implanted in his coronary arteries. Throughout this time, my father has been in constant pain. His surgery is extremely expensive, and I don't have enough money for it. Now he can't sleep because of the excruciating pain, and we can't afford his medications and painkillers to alleviate his suffering because of their high prices. I don't know what to do!
We need your help to relieve my father's pain and cancerous tumor and save him as quickly as possible. Please, I don't want to lose him before my eyes. Help me raise the money for his medication and surgery as soon as possible. Please stand by me. Look what's happening to us.
Please help my dear friend Nader and his father. He desperately needs money to buy his father's medicine and painkillers. No one should have to endure such excruciating pain for so long. Please grant him relief from his suffering. Help him survive this genocide.
Please help and donate to Nader
fat dyke pussy continues to be a premium reason not to kill yourself
I don't want to talk about the 1000 days because I died a thousand times over during those days. They ripped my soul from me, took my sanity, and killed everything beautiful I saw. It's just a number the world talks about today and forgets tomorrow, even though tomorrow will be worse because it's 1001, meaning tomorrow there will be death, hunger, fear, poverty, and oppression. Nothing will change except that we keep getting worse and worse and worse. The whole world is showing sympathy today, but tomorrow they'll forget, even as our extermination and killing continue.
I'm surprised by those who read this and didn't support me. I wrote it from my heart, and it's the first time I've ever written something like this. The next day, when I reread it, I felt very sorry for myself and the difficulties I'm going through. 1000 days of enduring
Your support is accepted here : gofundme PayPal
Every time you go in a public place and something ISN’T disgusting it’s because somebody cleaned it. Every time you feel comfortable using a public bathroom or sitting at a restaurant table or setting something on a gas station counter or playing on a playground it’s because somebody cleaned it.
Thank you to everyone who cleans the world, especially those who are underpaid and under appreciated.
hi so my freezer broke. idk how much it's going to cost to fix but i imagine it'll be a couple hundred. i have exhausted my finances. bought groceries for the first time in a couple of weeks and now they're all ruined. truly any help is appreciated. 🩷 i'm sorry to have to do this. thank you in advance. and please share, you never know who will see it.
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Update:
the freezer is dead. it cost about $50 for the guy to come out and diagnose which i have received thank you. now looking into getting a deep freezer , its $200. if anyone can help i would greatly appreciate it. i will update this frequently and take this post down when i have reached my goal. thank you! ❤️
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Rock Bottom by Daniel Merriam
i feel so defensive and protective of people with ARFID like if i had a disorder that made my brain register 90% of food as poison for no reason and i had a bazillion people on the internet constantly calling me a manchild who needs to just grow up and stop being a picky eater i would start killing people
people with ARFID and people with very few autism safe foods and people with contamination OCD and people in ED recovery and everyone else with a complicated relationship with food that no one takes seriously GET BEHIND ME!!!!!!!