The subtle way in which she linked her arm around his didn't go unnoticed, though he doesn't say anything about it. Whenever he was around her and it was just the two of them, it was always so easy to forget everything else and pretend that this was ten years ago. But even though a lot of things were the same, he wasn't deluded enough to believe that they were, or that both of them were still the same people they used to be back then. Perhaps, to an extent, but so much had happened over the years that passed and it took a lot out of him, took parts of him that he had held onto for a long time. Sometimes, he wondered how it had taken him so long before he finally realized that happy endings could only be found in novels and fairytales. Maybe it was the romantic in him that refused to give up and believe that this hell hole he was stuck in was as good as it was going to get, but now, the passion, the fire that had once been inside him has died down to a flickering flame, and he wasn't really sure he had the willpower to keep it alive.Â
He almost laughed bitterly at Blair's choice of words. An old friend. It's funny because that was exactly how he felt. Old and worn out. He'd watched years of his life pass him by way too quickly only to find that nothing had come out of it. Not really. A few novels and a couple of short stories, a failed marriage and that was about it. It was certainly not how he had imagined how his life would turn out to be when he was seventeen and had the whole world ahead of him. And that was all he really was to her, wasn't he? An old friend, but despite himself, despite everything, she would always mean more to him. It was with her that he learned how to give without expecting in return, to live, to truly live and to love, so much so that he would gladly give his own happiness up if it meant she could have hers. He knew he wasn't always selfless but he tried so hard for her, but that hadn't been enough, and it seemed that he wasn't ever going to be enough for anyone. It was a reality that had been painful to accept, but nevertheless one that he had to.Â
Her next few words brought a faint smile on his lips and even though her laugh seemed force, he could hear the sincerity in her voice. "I still enjoy your company too." he offered, glancing at her but she seemed intent on looking everywhere but at him so he focused his attention back on the streets. "I might even go as far as admitting that I may have missed the way you come up with a thousand different ways to insult my hair." he continued, and he couldn't help but chuckle at his own words.Â
Genuine surprise was evident on his expression as he heard Blair, in not so many words, invite herself to his place but he doesn't even think twice before he nodded in agreement. "Sounds like a plan. Though you should probably know that at the moment, my place would be the hotel about one block from here." he said, returning her smile and gesturing ahead of them as they walked side by side. "I wasn't really planning to stay in the city for too long." he explained, even though she hadn't really asked for one. He had come back in hopes that he could somehow find a way to convince Serena to give their relationship another try, get her to go home with him but after his run in with Nate, he knew that there was no point in fighting for her anymore. Still, he decided to stay a little longer if only to catch up with his family and friends - or well, friend.
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