Lillian Jane Sawyer

[though|she|be|but|little|she|is|fierce]

[miss-thing-adamsfoster]

Out on Parole || Mariana & Lillie

[miss-thing-adamsfoster]

dancelilliedance:

~

“Neither do I…” Lillie’s eyes drifted across the room and landed on a strip of the hardwood floor. Both girls sat in silence a moment as they pondered the possibility that things could have turned out remarkably different than they had. Lillie, though she bore the emotional scars, and the weight of fear that Martin had instilled in her, could have been physically hurt. It took only a fraction of a moment for Lillie to realize her gratefulness to her parents. If it weren’t for them, she’d still be under that monster’s regime. 

The silence that fell around them was heavy and full of worst case scenarios that they were both grateful hadn’t happened. Eventually it went on too long and Mariana couldn’t sit in it anymore. But it had shifted the mood in the room and after imaging things that could have taken Lillie away from her forever, Mariana realized how stupid she’d been lately. “So… can we, like, call a truce? I hate us not being friends.”

[dancelilliedance]

Lillie looked up at Mariana, tucking a piece of her stringy brown hair behind her ear. “Please?” She offered the girl a toothless grin, “I miss my partner in crime.”

[reagansawyer]

You Can’t Hide || Sawyers

[charlie-sawyer-blog]

It took a long moment of Lillie being huddled in fear for the girl to succumb to the soothing sound of her mother’s voice. Lifting her head only slightly, Lillie blinked her eyes open, the light from the hallway piercing through the dark room. She could see the sillouhette of her mother at her bedside, and slowly, she began to be reacquainted with her surroundings. She was home. In her bed. Martín couldn’t touch her here, even still, the terror from the nightmare shook the small girl to her core. Tears continued down Lillie’s face as she tried to explain, “he was- I was- it was the apartment. He was gonna kill me. He said he was gonna make me pay at the market-“ while she couldn’t get a full sentence out, the girl felt confident her mother could put the pieces together.

The knots in Charlie’s stomach twisted painfully as Lillie’s fear came out in a jumble of words that could be pieced together easily enough. She stood from her crouched position and then sat herself down on the edge of the bed, holding her arms out, encouraging Lillie to come to her. “You’re safe now, sweetheart. Today was scary, I know. But you’re safe here.”

[dancelilliedance]

Lillie opened her eyes up all the way, blinking a bit as they adjusted themselves to the small stream of light that flooded the room. She didn’t hesitate to climb into her mother’s lap, staying scrunched up in the fetal position all the while. “What-what-“ the girl struggled to speak through her tears, “What if he finds me again?”

[miss-thing-adamsfoster]

Out on Parole || Mariana & Lillie

[miss-thing-adamsfoster]

dancelilliedance:

~

Lillie rested her head on Mariana’s arm, sitting in the embrace for longer than she normally would allow. “I don’t know what’s going to happen. I mean, the cops carted him off but I don’t think he went back to jail. I’m sure my dad was seconds away from punching his lights out. That would have been nice…” Lillie relished in the idea of Martín getting what he deserved, once and for all. It was obvious that jail had done nothing to promote good behavior, and Lillie might have never thought about him again if he hadn’t shown up at the market. However, now, it was as if he was ever present. An imminent danger to the girl’s well being. That alone was enough to keep her up at night.

Mariana went back to sitting on the edge of the bed. “I’m surprised he didn’t honestly. Thank god he was there and you guys weren’t there by yourselves! Seriously. I don’t even want to think about what could have happened.” Mariana’s eyes dropped to her lap where her hands worried together. The realization that something really bad could have happened fell over her, making a knot twist in the pit of her stomach. 

[dancelilliedance]

“Neither do I...” Lillie’s eyes drifted across the room and landed on a strip of the hardwood floor. Both girls sat in silence a moment as they pondered the possibility that things could have turned out remarkably different than they had. Lillie, though she bore the emotional scars, and the weight of fear that Martin had instilled in her, could have been physically hurt. It took only a fraction of a moment for Lillie to realize her gratefulness to her parents. If it weren’t for them, she’d still be under that monster’s regime. 

[miss-thing-adamsfoster]

Out on Parole || Mariana & Lillie

[miss-thing-adamsfoster]

dancelilliedance:

~

“I have no clue,” Lillie shrugged, taking in all of Mariana’s questions one at a time. “He didn’t touch Reagan. I wouldn’t let him. But he grabbed me by my shirt and nearly lifted me up off the ground.” The girl trembled, recalling the fear that over took her when it happened, “I don’t remember everything he said, I was so scared, Mari. But I know he was angry. Saying things like I betrayed him, and how I’m gonna pay.”

“Oh my god, Lillie, I’m so glad you’re okay.” Mariana stood up and went around the chair to wrap her arms around Lillie from behind. She hadn’t seen Lillie look so scared… Maybe ever.  “So, what are you gonna do? Are your parents going to like, press charges or something? I mean, is he allowed to be around you? Isn’t grabbing you like assault or something?”

[dancelilliedance]

Lillie rested her head on Mariana’s arm, sitting in the embrace for longer than she normally would allow. “I don’t know what’s going to happen. I mean, the cops carted him off but I don’t think he went back to jail. I’m sure my dad was seconds away from punching his lights out. That would have been nice...” Lillie relished in the idea of Martín getting what he deserved, once and for all. It was obvious that jail had done nothing to promote good behavior, and Lillie might have never thought about him again if he hadn’t shown up at the market. However, now, it was as if he was ever present. An imminent danger to the girl’s well being. That alone was enough to keep her up at night.

[miss-thing-adamsfoster]

Out on Parole || Mariana & Lillie

[miss-thing-adamsfoster]

dancelilliedance:

~

“Dude it was terrible.” Lillie automatically went into her recount of the day before. Grabbing her desk chair, she pulled it up to the edge of the bed and sat in it backwards. “One moment, Rea and I were grabbing something across the store and the next I was face to face with him. I didn’t even know he was out of jail!”

“Yeah, wait, when did he get out of jail?” Mariana asked as she leaned forward, engrossed in the retelling. “And, like, did he follow you there? What did he say to you?” Mariana gasped dramatically and grabbed Lillie’s arm. “He didn’t, like, try to hurt you or Rea did he?”

[dancelilliedance]

“I have no clue,” Lillie shrugged, taking in all of Mariana’s questions one at a time. “He didn’t touch Reagan. I wouldn’t let him. But he grabbed me by my shirt and nearly lifted me up off the ground.” The girl trembled, recalling the fear that over took her when it happened, “I don’t remember everything he said, I was so scared, Mari. But I know he was angry. Saying things like I betrayed him, and how I’m gonna pay.”

[miss-thing-adamsfoster]

Out on Parole || Mariana & Lillie

[miss-thing-adamsfoster]

dancelilliedance:

~

Lillie was shocked that her mother had said yes to Mariana coming over, but after some thought, it made sense. The day before had been traumatizing to the girl on all accounts, and she hadn’t had a restful night because of dibilitating nightmares. She needed to vent to someone, to describe what she felt and lay out the days events for someone. She needed to get it all off her chest. Having been instructed that she needed to clean up her room if they were having company, Lillie spent the twenty minutes picking up dirty laundry off of her floor and generally, and half-heartedly, straightening up. However when she heard the doorbell ring, the girl abandoned her task and bounded to the front door, swinging it open. She paused a moment, having a silent conversation with Mariana that basically said ‘I’m sorry and I’m glad you don’t hate me anymore’ before bringing the other girl into a tight hug. “Hi, Stef!” Lillie said quickly before pulling Mariana straight to her room.

Mariana followed as Lillie practically dragged her back to her room. Once there, she pulled Lillie into another tight hug and gushed an apology because they’d never been in a fight like this before and she needed for them to move past it in order to move on. But once the apology was out, she knew Lillie needed to talk about what happened so she sat down on the other girl’s bed folded her hands in her lap. “Are you okay? Like, what actually happened yesterday?”

[dancelilliedance]

“Dude it was terrible.” Lillie automatically went into her recount of the day before. Grabbing her desk chair, she pulled it up to the edge of the bed and sat in it backwards. “One moment, Rea and I were grabbing something across the store and the next I was face to face with him. I didn’t even know he was out of jail!”

[miss-thing-adamsfoster]

Out on Parole || Mariana & Lillie

Mariana had somehow managed to convince Mom to let her go see Lillie, who was someone she wasn’t sure she had even wanted to see until half an hour before. But no matter their issues, at the end of the day, they were as good as sisters and Lillie said she needed her. So Mariana found a way to be there.

The drive was short but unsettled. She knew Mom wasn’t thrilled to be talked into it but she’d acquiesced under the condition that she drove, and that she stayed while Mariana was at Lillie’s, and that she was only allowed an hour. By the time they reached the Sawyer’s, Mariana was itching to escape the car so she bounded out as soon as Mom pulled into the drive way and rushed up to the door. With her phone still confiscated (Thank god for imessages on iPods or she wouldn’t have heard from Lillie at all) so she knocked on the door and waited while Mom traipsed behind.

[dancelilliedance]

Lillie was shocked that her mother had said yes to Mariana coming over, but after some thought, it made sense. The day before had been traumatizing to the girl on all accounts, and she hadn’t had a restful night because of dibilitating nightmares. She needed to vent to someone, to describe what she felt and lay out the days events for someone. She needed to get it all off her chest. Having been instructed that she needed to clean up her room if they were having company, Lillie spent the twenty minutes picking up dirty laundry off of her floor and generally, and half-heartedly, straightening up. However when she heard the doorbell ring, the girl abandoned her task and bounded to the front door, swinging it open. She paused a moment, having a silent conversation with Mariana that basically said ‘I’m sorry and I’m glad you don’t hate me anymore’ before bringing the other girl into a tight hug. “Hi, Stef!” Lillie said quickly before pulling Mariana straight to her room.

[miss-thing-adamsfoster]

dancelilliedance:

~

Lillie: I’ll ask too.

Mari: My mom said it was cool!!! What did your mom say?

[dancelilliedance]

Lillie: she said yes!!! Get your butt over here.

[miss-thing-adamsfoster]

dancelilliedance:

~

Lillie: ugh. I mean, me too. Maybe they’d let you come in the spirit of reconciliation?

Mari: Maybe. I mean, I can ask. It can’t hurt, right?

[dancelilliedance]

Lillie: I’ll ask too.

[miss-thing-adamsfoster]

dancelilliedance:

~

Lillie: … come over?

Mari: I’m still grounded. 😔

[dancelilliedance]

Lillie: ugh. I mean, me too. Maybe they’d let you come in the spirit of reconciliation?

[miss-thing-adamsfoster]

dancelilliedance:

~

Lillie: he cornered me in the market. I seriously didn’t know what to do. I don’t even remember what he said just that I was on the floor having a panic attack in the middle of the fucking store.

Mari: What a bastard!  Mari: 💜💜💜 Mari: What can I do?

[dancelilliedance]

Lillie: ... come over?

[miss-thing-adamsfoster]

dancelilliedance:

~

Lillie: no.

Lillie: …

Lillie: I saw my birth father…

Mari: Omg really? What happened?

[dancelilliedance]

Lillie: he cornered me in the market. I seriously didn’t know what to do. I don’t even remember what he said just that I was on the floor having a panic attack in the middle of the fucking store.

[miss-thing-adamsfoster]

dancelilliedance:

~

Lillie: I really need my best friend back.

Mari: Ok. Mari: U ok?

[dancelilliedance]

Lillie: no.

Lillie: ...

Lillie: I saw my birth father...

[dancelilliedance]

Lillie: I’m sorry…

[miss-thing-adamsfoster]

Mari: Me too.

[dancelilliedance]

Lillie: I really need my best friend back.

[dancelilliedance]

Lillie: I’m sorry...

[reagansawyer]

You Can’t Hide || Sawyers

[charlie-sawyer-blog]

dancelilliedance:

It had taken Lillie a while to fall asleep that night. She lay awake, tracing circles with her finger against the pale green wall beside her bed. All she could think about was Martín, and how she possibly could have let her guard down long enough for him to find her and get to her like he did. She was embarrassed and terrified, her head a mess of contradictions. Finally, Lillie fell asleep, though she might have been better off awake. She dreamt her old apartment on the West side. Beer cans and little bags of that familiar white powder scatterd across the floor while the box tv in the bedroom echoed loudly down the hallway. The girl wandered the layout of the distant memory, turning around to find herself in Martín’s grasp once again. “Let me go!” She kicked and screamed, but it seemed her voice was leaving her. Suddenly, Lillie was tiny in Martín’s fist, a helpless little girl against an evil giant. “I’ll make you pay, Mija! You will pay for what you did to me! I’ll kill you!” Outside of her dream, in the real world, tears streamed down Lillie’s face as she tossed and turned. When approached by her mother, the girl jostled awake, “let me go!” Lillie yelled, quickly becoming a ball in the corner of her bed, hiding her head between her legs, “I’m sorry! Please don’t kill me!”

Charlie shot a quick, near panicked look, over her shoulder at Ben, who had made it to the room and was hovering in the entranced. “Turn the hallway light on,” she ordered. It was too dark in this room but she was worried that flipping the light switch for the room, and flooding the space with so much light all at once might be a bit overwhelming. Hopefully light filtering in from the hallway would help.

She turned her focus back to Lillie. She didn’t reach out for her, not wanting to startle her any further, but she crouched at the side of the bed, so that she would be eye level if Lillie just opened her eyes. “Lillie, sweetheart, it’s Mommy, you’re okay, you’re at home, with me and Daddy and Reagan. You’re safe. It was a dream. No one is going to hurt you. You’re safe.” 

[dancelilliedance]

It took a long moment of Lillie being huddled in fear for the girl to succumb to the soothing sound of her mother’s voice. Lifting her head only slightly, Lillie blinked her eyes open, the light from the hallway piercing through the dark room. She could see the sillouhette of her mother at her bedside, and slowly, she began to be reacquainted with her surroundings. She was home. In her bed. Martín couldn’t touch her here, even still, the terror from the nightmare shook the small girl to her core. Tears continued down Lillie’s face as she tried to explain, “he was- I was- it was the apartment. He was gonna kill me. He said he was gonna make me pay at the market-“ while she couldn’t get a full sentence out, the girl felt confident her mother could put the pieces together.

[miss-thing-adamsfoster]

Agree to Disagree || Mariana & Lillie

[miss-thing-adamsfoster]

dancelilliedance:

~

Lillie tossed her head back to stare at the ceiling. “It MATTERS Mariana!” She held her pose for a moment before turning to look at the other girl. “I am ALWAYS the one to take the crap for anything we do whether I want to be or not! It’s so easy to blame the one who is always in trouble anyway! Ever think, maybe I’d like to be the one to get off a little easier? Who cares if we would have ended up with the same punishment at least our parents would know the truth!” Nothing Lillie said was untrue. She had always, since they were nine, defended Mariana and took the heat for anything they did that was over the line. It had claimed her the title of the family trouble maker, something that didn’t really bother Lillie until late. The disappointment in her mother’s eyes every time she acted up lately was enough to break her.

“Nobody was even blaming you!” Mariana exclaimed in frustration. “No one ever said, ‘This is Lillie’s fault, she’s such a bad influence.’ And if it matters so much to you, why didn’t you just tell them?” Mariana knew, somewhere back behind the anger and stress that propelled her to snap back, that she wasn’t being fair. Lillie had always been willing to take the fall, even when it wasn’t necessary. And even if she hadn’t explicitly lied, Mariana knew she hadn’t made the distinction to her parents and instead had let them go on whatever assumptions they wanted. And she knew who the blame would fall to. But she didn’t understand why it was all of a sudden such a big deal. Lillie had never cared about being in trouble. She usually wore it like some kind of badge of pride.

[dancelilliedance]

“No one ever said it wasn’t Lillie’s fault either...” Lillie mumbled, turning again to face the wall, her arms still crossed over her chest. She decided, in a moment of haste, that she was going to say what had been eating at her for months. It would show vulnerability, which was something that made Lillie’s skin crawl, but it needed to be said. “They think it was my idea because we never tell them otherwise. Never have I ever let you take the blame for anything. But the look on my moms face lately when I get in trouble....” the girl paused, careful to not let her emotions overtake her composure, “What if .... I mean... she doesn’t have to deal with me anymore if she doesn’t want to....” Lillie didn’t come right out and say how scared she was that there might be a time where Charlie and Ben wouldn’t want her anymore, but it didn’t really need to be said. She was sure Mariana could read between the lines. “Something this big... I just can’t risk it.”