Mermaid Veins

Junkyard of my most timid and vibrant ideas. [email protected] to contact me. All work displayed is my photography, modeling, and illustration. TumblrNoveau by Hippomeat on Grooveshark

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I was huddled in the back of the small boat, the engine kept running. The steering wheel was unmanned and I stared at it with a blank expression. I knew I should reach for it with both hands and take control, but the urge simply did not rise out of my heart. The little boat with me still in it went crashing on the feral shores of the unknown island.

When I rose up in groggy consciousness, I felt the sting of indifference pulsing through me. When i tried to speak, only sand cascaded from my tongue. When I listened for sound, only silence met my ears. I had lost my will. In that moment, I had to electrify myself.

It was time to examine my life. The things I want, are they really what I want? What is it that I want? What am I going for? Why am I here? All these unanswered questions that I just let drift alongside me, like temporal dolphins playing in the wake of the ship, only to disappear at first sight of an unexpected interrogator.

I was struggling but not fighting. Drowning, but not kicking. Breathing, but not living.

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Peace, Love & Penis

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Picking yourself up is the hardest thing. That rip in the fabric of stability seems eternally defiant to weary helping hands. The need to feel sorry for yourself surges like a giant wave, ravenous and non-discriminating to whatever joys or troubles lay in your path. As 25 peeks around the corner, I look back through reflective eyes and I feel disgusted. It’s been a life spent consuming and deflecting. This empty space where a garden once grew, now blooms with cobwebs and sand.

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Immortality, the notion that glazes over youth like condensation on an apple just taken out of the refrigerator and set atop a table in sweltering summer heat.

As I bit into the apple, past and present mingled across all the cross streets of my mind, as if a riotous party of decadence splashed itself upon the city of unrest in my head.. and just when the party reached its peak and fireworks shattered the roof of my skull... all eyes gazed upward toward the future and dark rain clouds gathered. A heavy rain wept over the city, and the party-goers scuttled away like cockroaches. My mind fell silent. 

This darkness and its dual nature of drawing me closer and yet causing my natural existence to want to run away from it had possessed me. From behind corners I would peak at its shady figure with curiosity only to turn around in fear when it faced me. 

By now the condensation had long been wiped off, revealing only the shimmering thin skin of youth that clung so desperately to that sweet flesh. The richness of its taste, I bit more rapidly and ravenously, as society often does at the savory flavors of youth and beauty. 

When I reached the core, I discarded it. Without much thought or effort I placed it in the trash, where with whatever strength and little beauty it had left it fought the inevitable browning and withering... still kicking and screaming for that desire to be desired long after the jaws of that trash disposal had slammed it shut, down into the blackness of the future. 

-Tim Loontiens 2013 Copyright.

From the novel I've been working on. Normally don't share, but this bit was quite in par with where my life is at. 

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