I Destroy Plastic

Eater of plastic. Inventor of poor proprioception. Pure of heart, dumb of ass. Pocket princess. DNI if you are a woman in a sparkly dress or my horrible seagull ex

[dangerous-crow-boy]

FAQs

1. Yes I eat the plastic

2. No the plastic is not bad for me don’t worry (there is a portal in my stomach)

3. This is not a job. This is a passion. I am unpaid and receive no benefits.

4. I have not yet read the popular fanfiction about me and plastic girl going around

5. I cannot get raptured on account of my excommunication

6. I may or may not be romantically or sexually involved with the juggling man

7. I do not associate with @safe-raven-boy and we are not exes

8. I do not eat condoms I absorb them magically and I am infertile on account of all the ritual sex

9. All microplastics are removed magically, surgically, safely, and professionally (trust me)

10. Yes, I eat glasses, implants, and other assistive devices. Rest assured, they are all promptly replaced with better, non-plastic alternatives

Official Spotify Playlist

My Substack Blog

Dangerous Crow Boy’s Substack | Substack

Where I ruminate on my thoughts as a plastic eating fae crow boy in the human world. Click to read Dangerous Crow Boy’s Substack, a Substack

The Trevor Project

Blog is getting somewhat popular so I want to take the opportunity to plug the Trevor Project, which provides suicide prevention and crisis intervention services for LGBTQ+ youth. I may be a plastic eating crow boy, but that doesn’t mean I won’t do my best to help.

Donate to The Trevor Project

Donate to support The Trevor Project: https://give.thetrevorproject.org/campaign/729315/donate

[dangerous-crow-boy]

A good day to die? WRONG. A good day to LIVE and post NONSENSE ONLINE

[dangerous-crow-boy]

I’ve been doing quite well for myself. I always like to encourage others to partake in hobbies that allow them to be their best selves

[dangerous-crow-boy]

Haven’t posted about plastic in a minute. Rest assured, I am still hard at work eating all plastic on earth

[iwrestleswithhomosexualsthoughts]

He ate my plastic dildo and i had to go to sleep literally feeling empty. Fuck you Dangerous-Crow-Boy

[dangerous-crow-boy]

You should consider using safer materials

[iwrestleswithhomosexualsthoughts]

But my favorite part was the microplastics going into my bloodstream :(

[dangerous-crow-boy]

Self-reflect and develop better kinks

[dangerous-crow-boy]

Haven’t posted about plastic in a minute. Rest assured, I am still hard at work eating all plastic on earth

[iwrestleswithhomosexualsthoughts]

He ate my plastic dildo and i had to go to sleep literally feeling empty. Fuck you Dangerous-Crow-Boy

[dangerous-crow-boy]

You should consider using safer materials

[dangerous-crow-boy]

I was born last October

[dangerous-crow-boy]

Haven’t posted about plastic in a minute. Rest assured, I am still hard at work eating all plastic on earth

[iwrestleswithhomosexualsthoughts]

He ate my plastic dildo and i had to go to sleep literally feeling empty. Fuck you Dangerous-Crow-Boy

[dangerous-crow-boy]

You should consider using safer materials

[dangerous-crow-boy]

you are very buddhist; i lovr buddhism

Forty days and forty nights under a tree without an ounce of plastic will do that to a person

[dangerous-crow-boy]

*gently gives you my transformers collection*

*gently consumes them while looking at you gratefully and soulfully*

[dangerous-crow-boy]

What are your top 5 types of plastic to eat (in terms of flavour and texture; like the general gustatory experience)?

In no particular order:

1. Cling wrap on account of its melt-in-your-mouth nature. It’s very versatile in dishes but still great on its own

2. Stim toys for elementary schoolers because those designers Knew What The Fuck They Were Doing. Did they expect me to not put those in my mouth they’re appealing on every count

3. Anything at a local animal shelter or veterinarian’s office because then I can stop by and play with the creatures

4. Cups, containers, and other structured forms because I can crack them apart and use them as toppings, much like toffee

5. Styrofoam, because it absorbs the flavors of whatever liquid you soak it in and because the texture is simply sublime

Bonus: microplastics, because I feel so silly and mischievous when eating them

[dangerous-crow-boy]

thank you for posting crow boy you are lively and funny your posts make my day better when i see them

Thank you for telling me, little human in my phone. I love spreading joy. Much love, and remember to eat plastic today

[dangerous-crow-boy]

Comedy is easy to master so long as you think that you are funny. Other people however

[dangerous-crow-boy]

I pull up with my flock of corvids and we DEMOLISH that Amazon warehouse

[dangerous-crow-boy]

Anon sent me an ask but I hit the wrong button and deleted it. Sorry anon. Hope you find peace out there, wherever you are

[dangerous-crow-boy]

Your absolution brings me a sense of great peace. Perhaps I have found nirvana. Do not cry, my friend. There is still yet more plastic to be consumed in your future, and it shines bright. I lack thumbs

[dangerous-crow-boy]

Anon sent me an ask but I hit the wrong button and deleted it. Sorry anon. Hope you find peace out there, wherever you are

[dangerous-crow-boy]

One thousand and twenty-seven of you (higher than I can count) follow me but I am yet to see any of you at the devil’s sacrament

[hallwaysss]

I was wearing a disguise, it told us to in the pamphlet. Did you get the pamphlet?

[dangerous-crow-boy]

I can’t read

[hallwaysss]

doesn't your minion do that for you?

[dangerous-crow-boy]

It appears to be an oversight. I would consult with HR but last time I contacted them they shot me one thousand times and poured Gatorade all over my head and then wouldn’t let me eat the gun OR the Gatorade bottle

[hallwaysss]

dang man, that sucks. Not even the bottle....

[dangerous-crow-boy]

I suffered the kind of humiliation that features in human records of ancient Athenian trials

[dangerous-crow-boy]

A good day to die? WRONG. A good day to LIVE and post NONSENSE ONLINE

[dangerous-crow-boy]

Hang in there it gets weirder and more wonderful

[leos-lullaby]

HOLY SHIT?? HOLY FUCKING SHIT??? HELLO???? OP RESPONDED TO MY VAGUE SUICIDAL COMMENT?????

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY. THANK YOU?? SO MUCH??? GENUINELY I HOPE YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY AND LIFE???? did not expect this even a little bit

[dangerous-crow-boy]

The most dangerous thing to spread is joy on account of it being contagious. And butter. On account of delicious. Keep up the good work my friend. Stay wonderful, eat plastic.

[dangerous-crow-boy]

One thousand and twenty-seven of you (higher than I can count) follow me but I am yet to see any of you at the devil’s sacrament

[hallwaysss]

I was wearing a disguise, it told us to in the pamphlet. Did you get the pamphlet?

[dangerous-crow-boy]

I can’t read

[hallwaysss]

doesn't your minion do that for you?

[dangerous-crow-boy]

It appears to be an oversight. I would consult with HR but last time I contacted them they shot me one thousand times and poured Gatorade all over my head and then wouldn’t let me eat the gun OR the Gatorade bottle

[dangerous-crow-boy]

I love me some hospital plastic. Medical tech is delicious