SINGLE AND READY TO MINGLE- Vladimir Savchuk (REFLECTION)
CHAPTER 1- FISH LOVE
· Ice breaker: I like fish. For me to get a fish in a sea, I need to be patient because they are a lot of fish in the sea but not all of them wants my bait. So, you should always be patient
· Key scripture: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs”. - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
· Discussion questions:
1. What prompted you to pick up this book? Aside from being single, a friend of mine introduced it to me.
2. What is the difference between “fish’ love and “cross” love? “Fish love” is like you are saying that you love a fish but it ended up killing it which is not considered as love because it only satisfies you and not the fish (*the other person)while “Cross love” is like loving a person that is in accordance to God’s will and principle of dating. Where in you’ll love as God loves you, you’ll forgive as God forgives you.
3. Why do you think God allowed some time for Adam to be single, before creating Eve? God allowed Adam to be single first, because God wants Adam to seek God first, to know his Identity first before meeting a companion. Just Like in our lives. God wants us to seek Him first, to be closer to Him, to increase our faith and to know what is our Identity and purpose here on earth.
4. What is the difference between devotions and devotion? Devotion is believing that God exists and surrendering our lives to Him (Relationship with God) while Devotions means to spend QUALITY time to God (Intimacy of our relationship to God)
5. True or false. Adam told God that he was lonely? No, but God told Adam that he is lonely and he needs a companion.
QOUTES:
Love is not a valley you fall into, it’s a path you walk on.
The Word tells us to walk in love. The world tells us to fall in love.
Before Adam met his mate, he knew his Master.
Relationship with God makes you whole; romantic relationships reveal your holes. Relationship with God satisfies; romantic relationships magnify.
You are ready to date when you don’t need to
Delight in God before you start dating.
Get so lost in God that the other person has to look for God to find you.
We need God the way fish need water and trees need soil.
Devotion is about relationship. Devotions is about intimacy.
Chapter 2- BORN IDENTITY
· Icebreaker: How do you overcome insecurity? You can overcome your insecurities by renewing your mind today, receive what God says about you. The truth will set you free. Everything you see and hear are just facts. FACTS change but TRUTH is ETERNAL. Like It is a Fact that the sun is OLD but the truth is, it still Hot. Same as to the Bible, The Bible is OLD but the words inside the Bible are True and can never be change.
· Scripture: “24 “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26 But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”When Jesus had finished saying these things, the crowds were amazed at his teaching, 29 because he taught as one who had authority, and not as their teachers of the law.” – Matthew 7:24-29
· Questions
1. 2 sources of self-esteem? Self-esteem - Rock (Something hard that refers to Jesus) and Sand (anything that we put in place of God)
2. What are the “sands” that people build their “houses” identity upon in the world?
ü Sand of physical appearance,
ü Sand of Titles
ü Sand of wealth
ü Sand of failures
What are the two things we must build our identity on?
§ Your identity comes from the Creator
§ Your identity is restored by the Cross
3. True or False. Question in the dark what God reveals in the light. False. Don’t ever doubt during temptation when in the first place it was revealed in the revelations Quotes: Who you are comes from Whose you are.
Success can’t cure your insecurity.
Don’t question in the dark what God reveals in the light.
Self-image is like a chain; it limits how far you can go.
Your issue is not your identity.
Failure is an event, not a person.
Chapter 3 - No Money, No Honey Ice Breaker: What was your first job? What is your dream job? My first Job is being an Online english teacher and My dream job is to be Registered Medical Technologist and to be a Registered Veterinary Doctor Key Scripture: 2 Thessalonians 3:10 Discussion Questions:
1. Why did God allow Adam to have a job before he got a wife? God allowed Adam to have a job first before having a wife because God’s want for Adam to discover his Mission and purpose on earth first.
2. What is the different between career and calling? Career is what you are PAID to do and Calling is what You are MADE to do
3. What are some tips on finding your career? Career can be decided based on: Whatever you love. Whatever you are good at. Whatever matches your gifting. Whatever is not illegal or immoral. Whatever helps others and can bring glory to God.
4. How can you discover your calling? You can discover your calling by fulfilling the general calling first such as stay away from sins, win souls, make disciples and specific calling will be revealed soon. God works are specific. 5. True or False. Having a calling means you need to be in a full-time ministry. False
Quotes: God does not call lazy people into ministry.
Career is decided; calling is discovered.
Career is natural; calling is supernatural. Career can change; calling does not. Career is for money; calling is for eternity.
Do the general calling, and then your specific calling will become evident in no time.
Know your mission before you look for a mate.
Chapter 4 – Dating Monkeys Ice Breaker: What are the things you are looking for in a future spouse? He must be a BELIEVER. Key Scripture: 2 Corinthians 6:14
Discussion Questions:
1. What does it mean to be unequally yoked when it relates to a dating relationship? Unequally yoked means that your character is different from the other one. It means that you don’t have the same faith to God. So, when we look for a spouse, we should consider of a person have the same faith as you. comes from Deuteronomy 22:10, “You shall not plow with an ox and a donkey together.”
2. Why do believers choose to date unbelievers? Believers sometime choose to date unbelievers because there are some situations and scenarios succeed to marriage. But always remember that it will not succeed to marriage all the time.
3. Outside of the fact that God’s word is against it, what are some other reasons why believers should stick with dating believers? God wants us to be joined together with a person of our same faith and convictions, so that we don’t go in circles. This way we can work together, instead of against each other.
4. What lesson did you learn about lust from David’s oldest son? Don’t ever hide your feelings from your parents, mentors and pastors for they know what you should do. They can guide you from differentiating what you only feel and what Is God’s will.
5. True or False. Missionary dating and flirt to convert is not scriptural. True
Quotes: Before God brings you an Eve, the devil will offer you a monkey.
It’s better to wait for God to bring the right person than to wait for God to fix the wrong person you bring to him.
Purity protects passion.
Submit your biology to your theology.
Lust is selfish; love is sacrificial. Lust seeks isolation; love seeks community. Lust forces sex; love initiates marriage. Lust hurts; love heals. Lust does not last; love grows with time.
Chapter 5 – Find Your Shoes Ice Breaker: Do you have your favorite shoes? Why are they your favorite? Yes, Huarache and crocs lite ride. They are my favorite because It makes me comfortable when walking and running. Key Scripture: Genesis 2:20 Discussion Questions:
1. What is the main characteristic that Adam was looking for in a spouse? Adam is looking for a compatible companion
2. What lessons did you learn from shoes that apply to finding a spouse? Choosing a good quality shoes is like choosing a right spouse. Before buying a shoe, there are a lot to consider. 1st: if that is what you really want. 2nd: if it is having a good quality that lasts and 3rd if it is comfortable. Same as with choosing a spouse, you should choose a spouse that you really want, that has a good quality(believer) that will make you comfortable in the journey that you will go.
3. What are the six factors you must consider when looking for a right person?
§ Clock Factor: When you are ready to date someone but you are not yet ready for marriage.
§ Christ Factor: The person you like believes in God but does not follow Christ
§ Character Factor: When you are dating a person, hoping that God will change them
§ Consciousness Factor: When your gut tells you, this is not right
§ Coach Factor: When your mentors don’t support the relationship
§ Chemistry Factor: Dating someone without being attracted to them
Quotes: To find a spouse is like finding a pair of shoes: they have to fit and match.
You are ready for dating when you are ready for marriage
Christian marriage is not about finding the right person, but being the right person.
Reputation is your photo; character is your face.
Love is one long sweet dream; marriage is the alarm clock.
If you know you, the way you know you, would you marry you?
Blaming your character on your circumstances is like blaming the mirror for your looks.
We all learn either from mentors or mistakes. Mistakes teach us a lesson after we get hurt.
Mentors teach us a lesson to avoid getting hurt. Chapter 6 – Sexual Sleep Ice Breaker: Are you a morning or an evening person? Morning Person it makes me feel energetic when I woke up in the morning and I have a good night sleep.
Key Scripture: Song of Solomon 2:7
Discussion Questions:
1. What was God’s solution for Adam when he could not find a right person? God made Adam sleep
2. What would happen if a person would go without sleep? How does that relate to sexual purity for teenagers? If a person without sleep at night he or she can never survive in the morning. It’s like when you don’t have a sexual sleep, you can’t really handle morning which is the marriage stage
3. What lesson from falling asleep naturally can you extract for falling asleep sexually? Falling asleep is allowing God to work.
4. What hope is there for someone who has awakened their sexuality before time? It’s better to be late than never.
Quotes: God is working while we are waiting.
Before God brings someone to you, he will take something out of you.
Teen years are tithe years to God.
If you are sexually awakened, then you are spiritually asleep. If you are spiritually awakened, then you will be sexually asleep.
Chapter 7 – God Presents, We Choose Ice Breaker: Describe your dream wedding?
My dream wedding: It should be a garden wedding (full of white and light pink roses upon entering it, you’ll smell the scent of it) My families are there, my groom’s family were there. My friends are there, my bros and sisters in Christ are there. Everybody is handsome and beautiful in their dress and suit. I would love to praise and thank God for giving me the best person in my life by singing a song. I would also love to sing with my groom just to show my gratitude and love to God.
Key Scripture: Genesis 2:22-23 Discussion Questions:
1. What are the three reasons for which people want God to make the decision for them when it relates to marriage?
· He brought her to a man
· Supernatural Signs
· God told me
2. Why should we not use “God told me” to start a relationship?
We should not use “God told me” to start a relationship because it’s like forcing someone to love us and making someone believe that God say that he/she should love you back because that is what God told you so. Which is Bad. What if, he/she doesn’t love you? He/ she will just feel guilty of not obeying God’s instruction.
**Lesson learned: If you felt that God told you that He/she is the one, don’t tell to him/her. Just keep it by yourself and wait for a right moment. Better to ask your parents, mentors and Pastors because they can guide you from what’s best for you. Remember, there are things that you feel but you can’t see but there are things that your parents, mentors and pastors can’t feel but they can see what’s best for you.
3. True or False. If you find the right person, your marriage will automatically be amazing.
False, once you entered marriage you should focus on 3c’s
§ Commitment- Marriage is not a contract(agreement) but a Covenant (unconditional surrendering and laying down of your life and your rights as we increase our responsibilities) COMMITMENT IS A FOUNDATION OF BEING ONE
§ Communication- seeking to understand the person and not to change the person
§ Conflict- Goal: settle an argument not to WIN an argument
Quotes: God presented a woman, Adam made her into a wife.
Marriage is not for boys. It takes maturity to make decisions.
No amount of confirmations from heaven will make your marriage automatically great. Chapter 8 – Best Marriage Advice Ice Breaker: Describe the marriage of your parents. Now, share your idea of your future marriage.
My parents’ wedding is an accidental event. My mom is already pregnant and my dad is missing in action. My grandpa just talked to my dad and my dad marry my mom. Even though it was accidental, I know that my mom and dad really tried the 3c’s (Commitment, Communication and Conflict) and I think they failed in Communication and Conflict which makes me realize that being married is not easy and you will need to consider a lot of things before entering it. Which brings me to have an idea about my future marriage. I really want to apply the 3c’s. I will apply that well of course in accordance to the will and instructions of God. I really want to have a God centered relationship with my husband because I know through God, we will be guided on what to do and what we are not to do. I really do believe that when a marriage is God centered, it always conquers all as God conquers all and it will never be broken nor destroyed as God that is almighty and strong.
Key Scripture: Genesis 2:24 142 Discussion Questions:
1. What does it mean for man to leave his father and mother? How can one do it practically? What principle is there also behind leaving?
A man should leave his father and mother if he has someone to cleave with (a wife)
Practically, one can do it by leaving certain things in the past. “You can’t cleave with your spouse until you leave certain things in the past and the things that you are doing in singleness because even Jesus has to leave heaven to cleave his bride which is the church.
2. Why is it commanded for man to do the cleaving not a woman?
A man is instructed to initiate the pursuit and a woman is the one who responds to the pursuit
3. Should a woman pursue a man?
No, a man should initiate first. A WOMAN is designed to be pursued by a true man because at the beginning a woman comes from a man. The word woman comes from a man. “WOO A MAN”
4.
WOMAN
MAN
GOD
What are some practical steps outlined in this chapter that help couples to become “one”?
Couples are like a TRIANGLE; couples are at the bottom points and God is at the top. If you follow the side from the bottom going up, you will notice that the closer both people get God’s presence, the closer they come to each other. In able for them to become one and closer, there’s always a God that will lead them.
5. True or False. Principle of leaving, cleaving and becoming, only applies to Adam; it’s completely irrelevant to us. FALSE
Quotes:
Marriage is like a triangle; the closer both people get to God’s presence, the closer they come to each other.
God’s first principle for marriage, is to leave your father and mother; that speaks of the priority of marriage.
You can’t reap the benefits of marriage and enjoy the lifestyle of single person. Don’t play games in a relationship, or you will end up with a player.
4.Top of Form
5.Bottom of Form