Love And Other Drugs

[danieskywalker]

Turns out, people can change...

I haven’t seen the Devil in 3 years which is quite the feat for me. In all honestly I still think about him more than I’d like, but that’s why he’s the one that got away.

I married my best friend last May and life has been pretty stable for the most part.

I have a good career at a great agency, I have a house that my Hisband and I rent, and an amazing doggo.

I feel like it’s been so long since I’ve written anything that I’m not really sure what to do anymore. I feel like I just needed to get some thing else, just to have it out of my system.

I feel like one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in the last few years is that you can’t make somebody change, but you’re capable of changing yourself. I’ve come so far in such a short time that I lost track of who I was for a while. I’m still trying to figure out who I am deep down, but I’m able to laugh and smile genuinely now.

My dad passed away in May 2018 and that was a learning experience for sure, I’ve never lost somebody that I loved but didn’t like before. My dad was the first person to gain that title, and although I know we didn’t get along in life, I feel like he’s watching over me in death.

Anyways I know this is the least interesting thing I’ve ever shared on here, but I’m hoping this is just my way of opening the door to get back into writing.

[danieskywalker]

Forreal though... I already miss Facebook.

[danieskywalker]

When you have to deactivate your Facebook because your ex from 13 years ago decided to go psychotic on you... what's up Tumblr?

[sizvideos]

Actresses share real abortion stories of American women to raise awareness around reproductive health care

[micdotcom]

Watch: Mac Miller hates Trump — but has a great reason why he won’t leave the U.S. if Trump’s elected.

[theslaybymic]

Amy Schumer absolutely nailed what’s wrong with women’s health in America by literally putting Congressmen in charge of her body. But more than that she exposed the hypocrisy in how they treat her.

Follow @this-is-life-actually

[snorlaxatives]

that little chunk of chocolate at the bottom of the drumstick cone reblog of you agree

[danieskywalker]

A simple text...

You act like it means nothing, It's just a simple text.. Asking how I'm doing, But we both know what happens next.. You'll text me in the morning, And all throughout the day.. Pretending like you miss me, In a completely innocent way.. But I've played this game before, More times than I can count.. I know you want nothing more, Than something you can mount.. My body is a toy to you, Something you can use.. My love is just a game to you, Just something to abuse.. I know you'll never love me, I wasn't worth the fight.. Now you want me to touch me, So I end it with goodnight.

[danieskywalker]

Numb.. that's what feel... Think about anything.. anything but your world falling apart.. Think about anything but losing another person you love... Maybe it's a dream? Not likely.. not in my reality.. Why? Why.. Her memories want to flood my mind... I feel so cursed.. yet so blessed to have called all the fallen family.. Broken.. everything is broken. Shattered into a million pieces once again.. Was I born to hurt? Was I born to lose? My family... My niece and nephew.. Broken. How the fuck am i supposed to do this again? ....

[danieskywalker]

Holes

Ice flows through my veins as I choke back the tears, how much pain can I take after all of these years? Death eats away at your soul like the venom from a spider, leaving gaping holes that keep growing wider.. With every loss I feel myself grow more guarded, with every breath that I take I feel more broken hearted.. How can you live with pieces of you missing? How can you love when you're forever reminiscing? So I'll spend my days walking in wonder, until I see you again for my own endless slumber..

[soft-withoutasound]

It’s Monday morning and Dad tells me to get out of bed and get ready for school. I tell him that I can’t because the bus is going to crash today. Even though I stayed awake all night trying to convince myself it wouldn’t happen. It never did. But my mind is a scratched record stuck on an endless melody of ‘what if’s?’ and I can’t pull the needle off the track. So I don’t get out of bed. It’s Tuesday morning and my alarm goes off, but I don’t leave my house until for therapy that evening. I tell my therapist the school is going to catch on fire. She tells me it probably won’t, it never does. What she does not understand is that ‘probably’ can also mean 'possibly’ and the possibilities are endless. It’s Wednesday morning and I force myself to go to school. By 2nd period my lungs are balloons that refuse to inflate. My heart is sweating, my tongue is dry, and I remember the doctor said panic attacks are only temporary. But my therapist said I have an anxiety disorder and depression, so I know they won’t be going away anytime soon. My classmates stare at me as I gasp for air, wide-eyed, until I’m told to see the nurse. They send me home and I don’t leave my bed for the rest of the day. It’s Thursday morning and I’m too embarrassed to go back. It’s Friday morning and I still haven’t found the strength to pull the covers off from over my head. It’s Saturday morning and my mother who lives out of state wants me to visit. I tell her I don’t feel well. I don’t feel well because it’s raining and my brain is playing the same image of me sliding off the roads over and and over andover again while anxiety whispers in my ear that if I leave, everyone I love will die. Depression told me to swallow every prescription in the medicine cabinet. Anxiety told me there’s no point, I was already dying. Depression told me to bleed out. Anxiety told me to cut vertically and not horizontally because my mental illnesses were a team. They thrived off of my ability to stay alive. Their voices were so loud they drowned out the truth of my own reality. My thoughts lost in translation; filtered through my disorders before they could ever reach me. Sunday morning I tell my dad I want to be homeschooled. I get a letter from my therapist to give the school and they tell me it’ll only take two weeks. Two months go by and I finally withdrawal. I spent my days lying in bed, fighting the urge to read labels. Fighting the urge to taste something sharp with my skin. When I was 6 I thought there were monsters under my bed, but by the time I was 13 they finally crawled into my head. I spent most of my time sleeping, but one day I woke up with the energy to pull the needle off the track. In that moment I loved myself more than anything because I had made it. I didn’t have to fight anymore. It’s 4 years later and my boyfriend’s parents tell me I’m not good enough for their son because I didn’t graduate. I still see my therapist on Tuesdays and when I tell her this, she asks how that makes me feel. I tell her 'graduating might be someone’s biggest accomplishment, but being alive is mine.’

Megan Taylor (via soft-withoutasound)

Just wow... she never fails to amaze me.

[dirtydiapersandabottleofwine-de]

I just want someone to fuck me the way Abel Tesafayel from The Weeknd fucks me with his lyrics.

[liftedandgiftedd]

I appreciate people that are patient with me while I’m distant and trying to figure myself out

[fauthist]

I always said you’re worth it but I forgot, I’m worth it too

(via fauthist)

[danieskywalker]

His Love...

Is she wonder? Is she beauty? Is she everything I'm not? Does she kiss you softly? Does she know your favorite spot? Does she gently rub your back tracing the lines of your tattoos? Does she lay wrapped in your arms at night wishing your love she'd never lose? Will she love you when the dark times come? When it's rains for days and days? When you push her will she push back? Or run for clearer ways? Is her love conditional? Or will it never flee? I'll never know what she gives to you, I just know she isn't me.

[soft-withoutasound]

All is fair in love and war but addiction has never played by the rules. I have watched cigarettes become a noose around my mother’s lungs and I never could save my father once he started drowning in a sea of bottles. I am the product of always needing more. Their lack of inhibitions runs through my veins; my body was made with a biological inevitability to grow attached to something. You were the first reckless thing my hands could grab ahold of and you have forever altered my brain to a state of chronic impulse. I relapse each time I hear your name and I can’t help but follow in my parents footsteps trying to forget you. I have blackened my lungs and turned my stomach into an ocean but nothing tastes sweeter than the sound of your name. My body withdrawals each time you sneak out of my bed only to crawl back into hers and I wonder, why do I and the people I love continuously destroy ourselves in the pursuit of momentary bliss? The answer is you are written in my DNA. My body tells me I was born to love you.

Megan Taylor (via soft-withoutasound)

[danieskywalker]

Unrequited Love

I stare into nothing, my mind flooded with thoughts of you, remembering the taste of your skin, and the way it felt when you really touched me.. My heart skips.. is it still there? I thought it left with your final footsteps.. Searching... always searching for something that was never mine to lose, for unrequited love cuts deeper than any razor, and I've been bleeding for so long I'm afraid my veins will never run dry..