Dani J Howell

Gender Bent Dan Howell | Multi Ship And Verse |Mature Themes. | Mun And Muse Of Age

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

The same but not quite || closed

[howellhadaknife]

daniisnotonfirex:

Phil took Dan’s hands and pulled them down “Dan I need you to come to me, I want to help you but I can’t if you won’t let me in, Your my friend and I love you and I hate seeing you like this” he whispered, thumb wiping away the tears on Dan’s cheek.

Dan sniffled softly, glancing up at Phil. “You’re my best friend. I love you, and that’s why I can’t let you see me like this…. you hate it. I don’t want you to see how often I really feel like this, because then…. shit, it’s so selfish of me but then you’ll leave. I’ll be alone.”

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

" Dan I love you, I'd never leave you alone okay. It's not selfish, don't be silly, I want to help you but I need to understand why your sad..... Would a good old hug with your blanket help at all?"

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

The same but not quite || closed

[howellhadaknife]

daniisnotonfirex:

Phil sighed and shook his head “ talk to me explain, how your loosing who you are and what you want to do to be able to change it”

“I’m just…. I’m not Dan anymore. I’m losing who Dan is, and I have been since I was probably twenty-two, since I was diagnosed with depression. It’s not a situation I’m happy to be in, I just want to be happy again.”

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

Phil sighed “ How are we going to help you be happy again, I can’t see you sad Dan, it makes me sad, all I want is to help you out but for that you have to let me in sometime’s not keep it all to yourself”

[howellhadaknife]

“It’s easier to keep it all to myself when it’s things like this, things like depression and wanting to…. To fucking die.” He sighed, hiding his face a little so he didn’t have to let Phil see how his eyes were watering.

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

Phil took Dan’s hands and pulled them down “Dan I need you to come to me, I want to help you but I can’t if you won't let me in, Your my friend and I love you and I hate seeing you like this” he whispered, thumb wiping away the tears on Dan’s cheek.

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

The same but not quite || closed

[howellhadaknife]

daniisnotonfirex:

Phil sighed and shook his head “ talk to me explain, how your loosing who you are and what you want to do to be able to change it”

“I’m just…. I’m not Dan anymore. I’m losing who Dan is, and I have been since I was probably twenty-two, since I was diagnosed with depression. It’s not a situation I’m happy to be in, I just want to be happy again.”

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

Phil sighed “ How are we going to help you be happy again, I can’t see you sad Dan, it makes me sad, all I want is to help you out but for that you have to let me in sometime’s not keep it all to yourself”

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

The same but not quite || closed

[howellhadaknife]

daniisnotonfirex:

Phil stopped editing, and turned to Dan a little worried for his friend, he knew something hadn’t been right but didn’t like saying anything out loud. He spoke low and soft “ Explain what’s making you spiral, hopefully it; help”

“I’m losing who I am.” He shrugged, not able to look at Phil any longer. “I’m losing what makes me Dan, and I can’t do it anymore. Especially after seeing how happy our female sides are.”

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

Phil sighed and shook his head “ talk to me explain, how your loosing who you are and what you want to do to be able to change it”

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

The same but not quite || closed

[howellhadaknife]

daniisnotonfirex:

Phil shook his head “ Dan were friends were meant to be able to come to each other when we need help ” he sighed “ come talk to me while I edit? ”

Dan sighed as well, nodding as he settled next to Phil, letting the man edit. “I’ve been…. spiraling.” He murmured, chewing on his lip. “Hard and fast, and I want to stop but I’m afraid that this time…. this time I’ll hit rock bottom.”

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

Phil stopped editing, and turned to Dan a little worried for his friend, he knew something hadn’t been right but didn’t like saying anything out loud. He spoke low and soft “ Explain what’s making you spiral, hopefully it; help”

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

The same but not quite || closed

[howellhadaknife]

daniisnotonfirex:

Phil sighed “ I do notice but don’t ask I respect your privacy and know if you did want me you’d say, I can’t force you to let me help but sometimes all I want is to hug you like I know you need and tell you everything’s going to be okay”

“I just don’t want to put all that on you.” He sighed, shrugging a little. “I know when I’m in my moods I get…. a little bit intense, and I don’t want that to burden you like it used to.”

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

“Dan we’re both older, I had a lot of stress in the past worrying if I was going to be able to afford to live, but we’ve made it through everything, and now I want to help you, I don’t care how intense you get, I want to help you through all this”

[howellhadaknife]

“That’s part of the problem, though. I don’t feel worthy enough to need helped, to…. To need a saviour from my own stupid thoughts. I should be able to brush it off.”

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

Phil shook his head " Dan were friends were meant to be able to come to each other when we need help " he sighed " come talk to me while I edit? "

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

The same but not quite || closed

[howellhadaknife]

daniisnotonfirex:

Phil sighed “ I do notice but don’t ask I respect your privacy and know if you did want me you’d say, I can’t force you to let me help but sometimes all I want is to hug you like I know you need and tell you everything’s going to be okay”

“I just don’t want to put all that on you.” He sighed, shrugging a little. “I know when I’m in my moods I get…. a little bit intense, and I don’t want that to burden you like it used to.”

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

“Dan we’re both older, I had a lot of stress in the past worrying if I was going to be able to afford to live, but we’ve made it through everything, and now I want to help you, I don’t care how intense you get, I want to help you through all this”

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

The same but not quite || closed

[howellhadaknife]

daniisnotonfirex:

Phil took a few moments and then shook his head “ I’m not getting you Dan, what do you mean you haven’t been truthful with me?”

“I’ve been hiding. Whenever my depression or my crisis gets bad, I’ve been hiding and not coming to you like a good friend should. I just don’t want to force my suffering on to you as well.”

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

Phil sighed " I do notice but don't ask I respect your privacy and know if you did want me you'd say, I can't force you to let me help but sometimes all I want is to hug you like I know you need and tell you everything's going to be okay"

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

The same but not quite || closed

[howellhadaknife]

daniisnotonfirex:

Fiona smiled softly and went to join Dani “ well see you guys again visit any time you like okay ”. Once the girls were gone Phil looked up “ what’s wrong Dan?”

“I wanted to talk to you…. about how I’ve been feeling lately. I haven’t been entirely truthful with you about how I’ve been feeling recently, and I’m sorry for lying to you.”

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

Phil took a few moments and then shook his head “ I’m not getting you Dan, what do you mean you haven’t been truthful with me?”

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

The same but not quite || closed

[howellhadaknife]

daniisnotonfirex:

“ right just remember sometimes the ones closest to us are the ones we ignore the most ” she got up and followed him to find where their respective lesters were.

Dan sighed softly, grabbing the SD card from the camera before settling to watch Fiona and Phil wrap up their filming for the day. “Okay, you two…. Phil, we need to have a talk once the girls leave, please.”

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

Fiona smiled softly and went to join Dani " well see you guys again visit any time you like okay ". Once the girls were gone Phil looked up " what's wrong Dan?"

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

The same but not quite || closed

[howellhadaknife]

daniisnotonfirex:

“Dan i’m pretty sure he would rather you go to him than wollow in self pitty for days on end , I know talking helps, even if you cant talk to him at least use our portal to chuck me a note or something”

“I will if I need you.” He sighed softly, shaking his head a little. “Fine, I’ll go talk to him. Get Fiona if they’re done, and I’ll send you the footage so you can upload on your end. But I’ll go get Phil.”

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

" right just remember sometimes the ones closest to us are the ones we ignore the most " she got up and followed him to find where their respective lesters were.

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

The same but not quite || closed

[howellhadaknife]

daniisnotonfirex:

“ normally curled up in our room with all the lights off apart from the fairy lights they some how bring a comfort to me when I’m feeling out of sorts ”

“It’s weird, I can’t be near my faerie lights when I’m like that. I’m face down in the hallway on the stairs, and the radiator has to be on low. The heat kind of keeps me sane.”

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

“Lights help me, well at least we now know that the is other things diffrent about us appart from gender, sometime’s i’ll crisis in Fiona’s arms and she wont be able to move for hours on end”

[howellhadaknife]

“I think that part might be due to the whole couple thing. The last time I crisised on Phil I was maybe nineteen and was just desperate, I haven’t come to him about them since. He comes to me or lets me alone in my patch of carpet.”

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

“ I’m sure that’s the reason ” she rolled her eyes “ honestly thought Fiona is such a comfort when I crisis ” she sighed “ maybe try asking Phil for help who knows it may end the crisis quicker ”

[howellhadaknife]

“I’m not gonna put all my issues on him, Dani. He has enough to put up with if you include my anxiety, depression, and mumbling problem. I can’t shove it on him when I feel like the world is ending.”

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

“Dan i’m pretty sure he would rather you go to him than wollow in self pitty for days on end , I know talking helps, even if you cant talk to him at least use our portal to chuck me a note or something”

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

The same but not quite || closed

[howellhadaknife]

daniisnotonfirex:

“ normally curled up in our room with all the lights off apart from the fairy lights they some how bring a comfort to me when I’m feeling out of sorts ”

“It’s weird, I can’t be near my faerie lights when I’m like that. I’m face down in the hallway on the stairs, and the radiator has to be on low. The heat kind of keeps me sane.”

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

“Lights help me, well at least we now know that the is other things diffrent about us appart from gender, sometime’s i’ll crisis in Fiona’s arms and she wont be able to move for hours on end”

[howellhadaknife]

“I think that part might be due to the whole couple thing. The last time I crisised on Phil I was maybe nineteen and was just desperate, I haven’t come to him about them since. He comes to me or lets me alone in my patch of carpet.”

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

" I'm sure that's the reason " she rolled her eyes " honestly thought Fiona is such a comfort when I crisis " she sighed " maybe try asking Phil for help who knows it may end the crisis quicker "

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

The same but not quite || closed

[howellhadaknife]

daniisnotonfirex:

“ normally curled up in our room with all the lights off apart from the fairy lights they some how bring a comfort to me when I’m feeling out of sorts ”

“It’s weird, I can’t be near my faerie lights when I’m like that. I’m face down in the hallway on the stairs, and the radiator has to be on low. The heat kind of keeps me sane.”

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

“Lights help me, well at least we now know that the is other things diffrent about us appart from gender, sometime’s i’ll crisis in Fiona’s arms and she wont be able to move for hours on end”

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

The same but not quite || closed

[howellhadaknife]

daniisnotonfirex:

“ we still have spray deodorant you know ” she laughed and shook her head “ you really think that’s bad, my body feels like it wanrs to kill me once a month, Fiona just leaves me to crisis in a corner till I need her ”

“Phil likes to lay down with me, but have you ever felt your entire body protest against you for the simple crime of sitting up with a stomachache and all your blood pooled in your lower back and ass?”

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

“ can’t say I have then again I never move fast anyway I’m a slow person at the best of times ” she laughed softly “ you really are a noodle ”

[howellhadaknife]

“So are you.” He countered, frowning a little. “Wait. Where’s your existential crisis spot in the flat? Mine’s on a big patch of carpet, not a corner.”

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

" normally curled up in our room with all the lights off apart from the fairy lights they some how bring a comfort to me when I'm feeling out of sorts "

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

The same but not quite || closed

[howellhadaknife]

daniisnotonfirex:

“ we still have spray deodorant you know ” she laughed and shook her head “ you really think that’s bad, my body feels like it wanrs to kill me once a month, Fiona just leaves me to crisis in a corner till I need her ”

“Phil likes to lay down with me, but have you ever felt your entire body protest against you for the simple crime of sitting up with a stomachache and all your blood pooled in your lower back and ass?”

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

" can't say I have then again I never move fast anyway I'm a slow person at the best of times " she laughed softly " you really are a noodle "

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

The same but not quite || closed

[howellhadaknife]

daniisnotonfirex:

Dani nodded “ seams a good story, will make people question it…. ” they bit their lip “ why must I be so akward ”

“Because you’re a Howell.” Dan laughed softly, switching on the camera and mumbling past his intro. “So today I have a special guest, my sister from another dimension, Danielle Howell.”

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

Dani smiled and laughed softly “ Hi Guys” she waved and nodded “ and we have a really good story to share with you…You’ll be laughing at us by the end of it”

[howellhadaknife]

“So I’ll give the tldr version, then Dani can tell the story proper. Basically, alternate reality. Dani and Fiona are me and Phil but a lesbian couple. My computer might be a portal.”

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

Dani laughed “ he thought he was dreaming and so did I” they shook their head “ I showed him mine and Fiona’s world and he didn’t believe we were real or that me and Fi were actually togerher”

[howellhadaknife]

Dan rolled his eyes, fixing his stare on the camera. “Because when shit happens like that and you’re editing at three am, you ALWAYS take it for total truth and not a hallucination.”

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

Dani laughed “ you think I didn’t think something weird was going on, A male version of me, who may I add is defiantly a fail since he almost fell through the computer a few times”

[howellhadaknife]

Dan turned to the camera, giving his natural “this guy” face before snickering. “Once. I nearly fell through once, and that’s because slow blood and I’m a noodle.”

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

Dani nodded “ honestly it’s like you wanted to drop through I have no idea how he didn’t either fall through or seriously hurt himself, and he says Phils accident prone when he’s just as bad”

[howellhadaknife]

“What’s worse than falling through a computer screen….” Dan mimed thinking for a moment. “I don’t know, fucking spray deodorant in your eyes? You’re a girl, you don’t deal with that shit.”

[daniisnotonfirex-blog]

" we still have spray deodorant you know " she laughed and shook her head " you really think that's bad, my body feels like it wanrs to kill me once a month, Fiona just leaves me to crisis in a corner till I need her "