Danika Alice Ransome

Danika alice. 25. Vegan. Mental health advocate, find my Instagram at @my_mh_journey 💖

[danika-alice]

Not the greatest picture but here’s another fabulous symptom of fibro, my face and chest do this a lot. Bright red rash Feeling as though I’m burning up which causes even more fatigue and nausea. It’s hard work being ill, my days are rollercoasters I cannot exit and I have to just ride it out I just have to. I can wake up and feel well enough to go out and then through the day this can change, the pain can hit me out of nowhere to the point my knees are buckling and I feel as though I could pass out. This is happening to me a lot recently and I know it means I need to pace myself better and probably slow down but resting is restrictive to me, I feel trapped. Trapped in a body that can’t do the things I want to do, trapped in a body that is deteriorating. Fibro isn’t just feeling a bit tired and achy, it’s debilitating, it’s a rollercoaster. It’s nausea that hits you out of nowhere It’s crippling pain that makes you unable to move It’s shakiness in every limb It’s electric shocks through the body It’s unregulated temperature It’s a body that doesn’t work properly It’s a 26 year old girl who feels like giving up every day It’s depression It’s memory loss, brain fog It’s losing the ability to communicate and string a sentence together. I feel like my body is slowly deteriorating and I can’t stop it. This is fibromyalgia. ✨ #chronicillness #chronicpain #chronicfatiguesyndrome #fibromyalgia #mentalhealthawareness #invisibleillnessawareness #disabledandcute #foreverill #chronicallysurviving #selftoleration #selftolerationclub #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #ptsdawareness https://www.instagram.com/p/BqSmUE_nf-N/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=hm087lu2jzpc

[danika-alice]

Me and my wonderful friend @self_toleration have set up a clothing brand called self toleration club. Our first t shirt has just been launched on our new website. Self toleration is a step between self hate and self love, we truly believe that self tolerate instead of self hate is what gets us through the day. If we can learn to tolerate how we feel, if we can sit with our emotions instead of them taking hold then we know, we are on the right track! So let’s tolerate together, let’s heal together. We are common misfits, misfits in that that’s how we have always felt and common in that we are not alone in this. My friend feather came up with these mantras and with my business head I knew there was a place for our brand out there, we hope to help others feel they belong to something! We’re just getting started, things are so exciting and I would love your support! I would love it if you could share the website around or repost this post 🧡✨ The link to the website is in my bio. Eventually self toleration club will have its own instagram! 🌟 #selftolerationclub #selftoleration #selftoleratenotselfhate #seflhatetoselftolerate #bekind #mentalhealthawareness #clothingbrand #newclothingbrand #selflove #mentalhealthadvocate #lifecoach #businesswomen #smallbusiness #entrepreneur #womeninbusiness (at Scarborough, North Yorkshire) https://www.instagram.com/p/BqQsMtcHNja/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=io6hf601avg7

[danika-alice]

Can you tell today has been a rollercoaster? In the first photo I’m hopeful, excited, anxious etc That was this morning and it was before I left my flat to the chaos of the outside world. The other pictures are me at 11pm doing something to distract myself from the emotional flashbacks. I don’t really want to talk about the details of my day, it’s been pretty full on and I need time to process. As hard as today has been, I chose to shave my hair at 11pm instead of relapsing, instead of harming myself and I’m proud. I’m proud of how I handled today Today was a lot, but I stepped up to the mark and took it on head first and somehow held it together. Other things I do instead of self harm include hot baths with Epsom salts, dying my hair, tidying, listening to happy music, running ice over my skin etc Sometimes it isn’t enough, sometimes relapse happens and that’s okay, you just have to make sure you stand up again and look tomorrow in the face and make it your bitch! 🌟 #selfharm #relapse #struggling #bpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #chronicallyinvisible #depressionlookslikethis #mentalillnessawareness #cptsd #ptsd #emotionalflashback #chronicpain https://www.instagram.com/p/BqJHOWSnmKQ/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=i0qutseodij5

[danika-alice]

I’m angry at life right now. I haven’t been the most social recently, I’m sorry if I’ve not spoken in a while but I’m angry, angry that I’m in constant relentless pain and I can’t do a thing about it other than learn to accept and manage it, learning to accept this is so hard because not only do I have to accept the pain I have to accept that this is it, I have limitations and when I don’t listen to those limitations my body gives up and I pass out, I throw up, I stop being able to communicate with words because my brain fogs over, I crash. I’ve spent years working on my mental health, working towards getting to a place within myself I never knew I could and I’m proud of how much progress I’ve made and continue making but with chronic illness now taking a permanent seat at the table, I have to learn to re manage my mental illness in a completely different way. This is new. This depression is completely new. It hasn’t come from childhood or teenage years, so it’s a different kind of depression, one that I’m not completely familiar with and it’s knocked me back a little. You see in those pictures that’s me, some days I look like the first photo where I can’t move or speak and sometimes I look like the second photo, make up done and able to move around and communicate. I don’t want pity or understanding I guess all I want is for people to believe me. I’m angry, at who knows what but I’m going to allow myself to feel this and let it go. I’m not 100% sure what the point of this post is, I want to keep raising awareness on invisible illness and my journey with it. If this post helps anyone, i will have achieved what I set out to.✨ #chronicillnesswarrior #chronicallyinvisible #invisibleillnessawareness #fibromyalgia #invisibleillness #mecfs #cfs #chronicpain #chronicfatigue #endometriosis #ibs #grieving #depression #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #therapy #chronicallysick #illness #disabilityawareness #chronicillnesshasnoface https://www.instagram.com/p/BqGIm46n95l/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=764usfpuu5ky

[danika-alice]

I saw this today on Facebook, it’s taken from chronicallyinvisible’s tumblr if you want to go check out her page. But never have I seen something so relatable. Disability and chronic illness isn’t as black and white as it is made out to be. Not everyone who uses a wheelchair is paralysed and shouldn’t have to feel afraid to go out in their wheelchair because of the judgement of those who don’t understand that ambulatory wheelchair users exist! And same with all other mobility aids, I use a walking stick, it doesn’t mean if I don’t use it I will just fall over or stumble constantly it means that I won’t be able to walk as far for as long, it means I won’t be able to do anything at all the next day. It keeps me going. So please before you judge, research! Not all disabilities and chronic illnesses are visible, so if you see a person using a disabled parking space without a wheelchair or mobility aid, please don’t presume they don’t need that parking space. Just be kind, be more considerate, be less presumptuous. We can all keep doing better 🧡🙌🏻✨ #chronicillnesswarrior #mobilityaid #ambulatorywheelchairusersexist #walkingstickuser #fibromyalgia #chronicpain #chronicallyinvisible #cfs #chronicfatigue #invisibleillness #invisibleillnessawareness https://www.instagram.com/p/BqCi3AQncB0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=9mpkhu2bn5x4

[danika-alice]

I crashed hard last night. I don’t know I made it home, in fact I have no memory of leaving my friends and getting back to mine at all. Imagine being insanely drunk and not remembering bits of your night, that’s exactly how it felt when I woke up this morning. I also woke up feeling like I had a hangover from hell with the worst flu on top of it without having a single drop of alcohol and my body felt like it had been hit by a train and I honestly just laid there and thought what’s the point. This is what I get for trying to live a ‘normal’ life. This is what I get when I don’t rest, but resting brings depression, there’s no winning. It’s my birthday in 20 days, I’m going to be turning 27 and all I can think about is how much I haven’t done with my life and how another year has flown by. You get diagnosed, then you’re left to it. Absolutely no support afterwards and it’s just exhausting being in limbo of not understanding the needs of my own body anymore. I feel like I’m slipping away, the pain takes over and the fatigue follows. Ive spent my day lulling in and out of sleep because my body is screaming at me for doing too much, I wish that sleep made me feel refreshed but it doesn’t, sleep for me is non restorative I’m tired. I’m in pain. I’m depressed. I’m exhausted. I’m so close to being done. My bpd is resurfacing in ways that I don’t like, making me feel child like, making me feel super sensitive and I just want to be able to have enough energy to put my mental health tools into place. I’d love to have enough energy to take up and feel happy to have woken. I am so depleted, I just want to feel alive. I don’t want to die, I want to live just not like this.✨✨ #sickandtiredofbeingsickandtired #fatigue #chronicfatigue #chronicfatiguesyndrome #fibromyalgia #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #chronicpain #depression #chronicfatigueawareness #chronicpainwarrior #mentalhealthawareness #endthestigmaofmentalhealth #seasonaldepression #chronicillnesswarrior https://www.instagram.com/p/Bp-SnR4nfx8/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=146y6w4w3cxeg

[danika-alice]

Sometimes we can’t push through the ever looming grey cloud above us, sometimes it’s so persistent that it continuously rains on us. Depression looks like this, it looks like a young woman taking selfies, it looks like this young woman typing something on Instagram, it’s me. I have depression, bpd, cptsd and anxiety. All of those things looks like me meeting my friends and dying our hair, going for coffee, forcing myself to go outside and forcing myself to feel anything other than this ache in my stomach. Mental illness has no look, it has no face, I could be in distress and you wouldn’t even know it because we get so good at hiding our pain to make others comfortable. I’m not okay, I’m struggling a lot at the moment, I’m holding on and really trying but it’s like there’s no quiet, there’s no peaceful moments because my head feels like it’s spinning uncontrollably. I wish I could feel anything other than this, I wish the days were brighter and filled with flowers. We have to keep talking about mental illness because yes we have come a long way but there’s still work to be done and I hope that in being vulnerably honest on social media helps others feel less alone, I hope it opens up conversations, I hope it helps smash the stigma. Keep talking. Smash stigma! ✨ #mentalhealthawareness #chronicillnesswarrior #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #cptsd #anxiety #ptsd #seasonaldepression #mentalhealth #mentalillnessawareness #endthestigmaofmentalhealth #vulnerablyhonest https://www.instagram.com/p/Bp2wrM3HXYv/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1ej9zn6b1xd6p

[danika-alice]

Ironic that I’m wearing a t shirt that fits my entire mood since the days started becoming shorter and darker. Winter brings me sadness It brings me fatigue It brings me exhaustion It brings me normal people poorly on top of already being ill It brings me to the point of sitting alone in my living room on a dark afternoon questioning what is the point. Do I have seasonal affective disorder? I don’t 100% know I’m mentally ill so it’s a possibility, I just struggle harder in winter. I struggle with my fibro and my depression the most at this time of year, also in the run up to Christmas my cptsd likes to pop in for a cuppa too. It all hits hard, like someone is constantly throwing bricks on top of me, I feel heavy and weighed down and I’m barely holding on. I’m pushing through the best I can, I’ve recently allowed myself to rest for the first time in ages and it’s been good, but there’s always a point where I start to get lonely in my resting and although the resting is good for my chronic illness, it starts to mess with my mental illness. We’re constantly faced with a world that doesn’t understand that we fight this battle day in day out. And y’know what that’s fine, I don’t need anyone to understand me anymore because I was in a room full of people in Leeds a few nights ago and my favourite poet @badass_sab said how much better would it be if instead of trying to understand, we just believed each other, no questions. And it got me thinking about a poem I wrote recently about just being believed. So if someone tells you they’re in pain, believe them. If someone tells you they’re struggling, believe them. Believe the people in your life that confide their struggles in you, having someone believe our pain means so much more than you trying to understand why, because as much as you may love someone you may never understand fully the pain they are in. Be an ally Be a friend Be a believer. I believe that I’m still here for something, I don’t know what that something is but it’s the only way I manage to push through. Just know that no matter what, I BELIEVE YOU. #mentalhealthawareness #chronicillnesswarrior #bpd #cptsd #depression #borderlinepersonalitydisorder https://www.instagram.com/p/BpxrmGHHgkS/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1q7pmnto2nrfj

[danika-alice]

Got to see the babe that is @madetobebee on Tuesday and Wednesday! 💖💜 https://www.instagram.com/p/BprIifgH89Z/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1j276paui74o3

[danika-alice]

Got to see the babe that is @madetobebee on Tuesday and Wednesday! 💖💜 https://www.instagram.com/p/BprIifgH89Z/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1j276paui74o3

[danika-alice]

Do you ever feel like time is just slipping away? I do, a lot. It’s horrible it’s intrusive. How do I deal with it? How do I deal with intrusive thoughts that I’m running out of time? I ground myself I tell myself it’s okay to feel the way I do because validation is key Then I remind myself that life is not a race, it’s not a competition and we are here to live the best lives we possibly can I breathe, I gulp in the air and feel my shoulders drop and I unclench my jaw I do a bodyscan to release tension I listen to an upbeat happy song I remind myself that although I feel like I’m losing time I’m not, I’m purely just living. society really does pressure us to have everything figured out in our early 20s but with how the economy is and such it’s pretty hard to tick the list of things we are supposed to have achieved by now. This hypothetical list can get in the bin. Treat yourself with the respect, kindness and love you deserve. You may not be where you imagined you like be in life right now, I know I’m certainly not but you are definitely here in this moment living and breathing. Did you smile today? I hope so, celebrate that! And if you didn’t, if you are having a hard time it’s okay, If you cried that’s okay too! All emotions are valid and we need to be able to express them. Being able to fully express our emotions leads to better communication with the people in our lives which leads to connection. Today, I just want us all to celebrate that we are here right now no matter what we are feeling or where we are. WE GOT THIS! ⛅️#mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #chronicillnesswarrior #mecfsawareness #mentalillness #bpdawareness #cptsd #depression #fibromyalgia #cfs #mecfs #endometriosis #ibs #chronicpain #sciatica #nervepain #chronicallyfabulous https://www.instagram.com/p/BphXlntncQC/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=kyf73km1tlj8

[danika-alice]

It’s strange how I can go from euphorically happy and feeling in love with life to feeling so down, depressed and broken. I find the winter months harder to deal with, I feel more alone and isolated. It’s my birthday next month, I always feel like this in the run up to my birthday for some reason You’d think I’d be excited but to be truthful I just feel a really deep sadness. I try so hard, every day not to compare myself to other people Especially cause I know what I see online of their lives may not be the real picture But it’s hard not to isn’t it? I’m coming up to being 27 and I feel heartbroken that I’m not doing anything in the way of work And I know god dammit, that it’s not the be all and end all to life but I’d like to feel productive, id like the feeling of accomplishment and achievement sometimes and I never get that feeling of achievement My achievements are things a lot of people don’t think twice about Like today, I had a shower and that’s hard work when I’m in pain I achieved something but it doesn’t fill me with a sense of accomplishment. I’ve been dissociating a lot recently and it’s hard, because i feel so detached from myself and my life and I feel as though I’m just grasping at thin air to hold on. I’ve been doing my best and putting things into place my therapist has taught me, so for now my head is above water. Bpd is a cruel illness to endure every single day and I’m getting tired of this rollercoaster. ✨ #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #chronicillnesswarrior #mecfsawareness #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #bpd #seasonaldepression #seasonalaffectivedisorder #depression #ptsd #cptsd #cptsdrecovery #fibromyalgia #chronicpain #chronicfatigue #mentalillness #actuallyborderline #bpdrecovery #psychotherapy #therapy #recovery https://www.instagram.com/p/BpcyOdYHBRZ/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=przf6fd12g30

[danika-alice]

An open letter from me to you. It’s that time of year, where Christmas is creeping up on us, a time that we’re meant to be filled with joy. Some of us wishing for that perfect family Christmas Some of us wishing Christmas didn’t exist Some of us wishing we could feel that joy we’re meant to I know it’s a bit early to talk about Christmas, but it affects us all in so many ways. It can be a hugely sensitive and triggering time for many of us. I live with multiple mental and chronic illnesses and Christmas for me is never simple because i crave that joy so much that I idealise a perfect Christmas and that never happens because it’s just not reality. Depression hits hard at this time of years also, some of us will spend this time remembering the ones who are not with us anymore, some of us will spend this time alone, some of us will spend this time homeless. The list could go on and on and on. Christmas is another day in the year, life’s stressed and realities and illnesses and grief don’t take a break just because it’s a national holiday. So if this year you know anyone struggling, extend empathy and don’t tell them to get in the Christmas spirit or call them a Scrooge because no doubt they will want to be enjoying themselves so deeply but unfortunately their are barriers and it isn’t always easy to get over them. I always struggle at this time of year, my depression is as dark as the days and the days well they just roll into one another. You are not alone in this, I’m here with you. Your aching heart does not go unnoticed. ❤️ #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #chronicillnesswarrior #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #ptsd #cptsd #mentalhealthmatters #christmas #mentalhealthatchristmas #mentalillness chronicillness #fibromyalgia #cfs #mecfsawareness #chronicillnesswarrior #extendempathy #becompassionate #bpdawareness https://www.instagram.com/p/BpabjmlHLOl/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1jsrosm89zg4e

[danika-alice]

It’s been hard recently. To just be alive, to exist fully. I don’t feel I will ever find a balance. Every noise is too loud recently, I can’t think or concentrate and I only feel somewhat settled in absolute silence. The pain has multiplied and I’m insanely exhausted from it all. How am I meant to manage mental illnesses, chronic illnesses and general life all at one?! I crave silence so much because noise is pain, it feels as though my brain is on fire half the time. My skin turns hot and prickly and I feel as though I’m being electrocuted. The sadness, frustration and depression sit on my shoulder weighing me down reminding me that with one comes the other With chronic illness comes depression. I’ve recently been on a break from this page because it was overwhelming me, it was bringing me anxiety because I didn’t have the energy for it. I’ve decided I will stay, I will write when the mood takes me. I’m still struggling a lot at the moment I’ve cried a lot Things from my childhood have crept up on me over the past few weeks and reared their ugly heads and I’m struggling to deal with that, trying my best to implement coping tools I’ve learnt in therapy. Living with bpd is hard, some days I feel I can cope and others I’m back to feeling where I was years ago and it really messes with my head. Up and down, up and down. Black and white. ✨ #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #chronicillnesswarrior #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #mentalillness #mentalhealthmatters #bpd #cptsd #depression #fibromyalgia #chronicillnesswarrior #spoonie #spoonielife #endometriosis #ibs #mecfsawareness #chronicpain #chronicfatigue #cfs #pain https://www.instagram.com/p/BpX-52Vn24V/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=9ydo47eqzs14

[danika-alice]

Chronic illness and mental illness together is like a constant war. I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle constantly. Today I slept, I rested, I let my body catch up with itself and my pain levels lowered, my body feels less heavy and my body feels a little less tense. My mind however is on one with the ‘you just wasted an entire day’ ‘You’re a waste of space’ kind of thoughts that I can’t seem to slow down or stop. I can never seem to achieve full rest where my mind and body are in sync. I know I need to be kinder to myself but when the depression sinks in it’s so hard to push through it. I’ve been pushing myself too hard physically recently but mentally I’ve felt good, because I’ve been busy and active and doing things that I love. I’ve been doing too much though because my body has been screaming at me to slow down, the flare of symptoms has made it obvious I need to allow myself to rest my body more, but how do I find a balance of resting my body and my mind being okay with it? I want to feel rested body and mind but it almost feels impossible. I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. I’m sick of this constant going round in circles. Im tired, so fucking tired. Beyond tired. I try and be as positive as possible, but I am sick of wearing a mask as of late, I’m not feeling positive right now and I think that’s okay. I’m writing all of this because I’m hoping once it’s off my chest my mind may be clearer. I’m trying not to bottle these things up as much and I guess I’m proud of myself for that.✨ #rant #venting #ventingsession #bottlingitup #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #chronicillnesswarrior #mecfsawareness #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #mecfs #fibromyalgia #fibromyalgiaawareness #chronicallyill #endometriosis #endo #endometriosisawareness #ibsawareness #cptsdwarriors #anxiety #depression #chronicfatigue #chronicpainwarrior #warrior #fighting💪 (at Scarborough, North Yorkshire) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bo4fB9unS5b/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=102s4s5d7yo41

[danika-alice]

It was mental health awareness day the other day, I didn’t do a post on here and I didn’t feel any pressure to do one either. Yes I am a mental health advocate Yes I care Yes I can get behind awareness being raised. I can’t speak for everyone but I don’t know how I feel about giving mental health one allocated day a year where everyone writes statuses about how their door is open and they are only a message away. I’ve said such things before but then when I have had them said to me in return I’ve realised it’s actually not that useful. Suicidal people are highly unlikely to come round for a cuppa and a natter, They’re highly unlikely to message their friends. What they are likely to do is withdraw What they are likely to do is freeze up What they are likely to do is push people away. Mental illness carries on after mental health awareness day Mental illness is a battle every day. So how can we support the people around us who are struggling? If you really want to be an ally to mentally ill people, you need to speak up If you notice things a friend is doing that is worrying, speak up Ask them how they are properly Ask them how they are feeling Double check! people are likely to say they are fine at first but if you ask again they may just say they’re struggling and need a friend. But also make sure you’re in a head space to take these things on. If you’re not in a good head space yourself to help a friend directly, let their other friends know you’re worried, there will always be someone who can reach out to that person struggling. We need to change the narrative of ‘reach out’ We expect the person struggling to reach out but believe me it’s pretty much impossible to reach out when you can’t reach even reach inwards and hold onto yourself. I am in no way saying that mental health awareness day is bad, it’s a step in the right direction. But as a person who struggles daily with mental illness, when I see status after status of ‘reach out’ ‘speak up’ It makes me feel worse, it makes me feel like a failure because I can’t always reach out or speak up when I’m struggling. This is just my personal experience, as I said I can’t speak for everyone. #mental https://www.instagram.com/p/Bo2J-VKnxIU/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1bhvusgc9dyy7

[danika-alice]

When I leave the house I feel vulnerable. I use mobility aids, but the world doesn’t see that The world Sees that I am young, I have my make up done so it can’t be that bad. People focus so hard on appearance. The other day I was in town with my mum and my other half and I overheard a person say to their friend “why is that girl using an old lady walker thing” A question I can answer had she actually asked me instead of laughing with her friend about it, her friend looked back at me after her friend asked her the question as just laughed. I am vulnerable I am exhausted I am in pain Ask me to my face! Just because I look good when you see me does not mean I feel good, the correlation between how someone looks and feels doesn’t work, it doesn’t work at all. So many people have seemed okay or looked okay and we just accept that, we just say yeah okay they look fine they must be doing well. NO! Stop it, stop assuming by someone’s looks that they are okay! Remind yourselves that everyone is facing their own battles. If you want to know why a young person may be using a mobility aid that you generally only see old people using, google it, research it or just ask the person nicely out of curiosity because dammit I would rather you ask me politely so I can tell you Yes I look good I look well put together My hair and make up are bomb as fuck But my mind and body are fighting against me every day The pain surging constantly through my body is raging and my depression from feeling restricted is peaking So yes i will use a rollator if needed because I need to sit down when my knees start to buckle. I don’t enjoy this life, it’s not what I saw for myself for my future but if this is what the cards have dealt me then I will use everything I can to get me through! End the stigma #illnesshasnolook 🙌🏻👊🏻 ✨✨ #mentalhealthawareness #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #mentalillness #chronicillness #fibromyalgia #mecfs #mecfsawareness #chronicillnesswarrior #fibrobabe #warrior #mobilityaids #babewithamobilityaid #depression #mentalhealth https://www.instagram.com/p/Boo2galnW-Y/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1gohbifemp5mk