Hey, you. Sometimes you might be busier and yet might not feel so loved, but remember that you are always who I have in mind and heart, and every time you are not around it would feel like one day, three autumns. I want to do a lot of things with you, no matter how busy things could be, and maybe, just maybe, we could eventually sneak out in a sliver of a time and run away for a day towards an old village, or a cabin by the sea. I love you for always. - H
Time after time, whenever friends or family realize Iâve been doing this with you for over a year now, it always never fails to make them exclaim. âHow did you do it?â âIsnât it tiring being an idol and dating at the same time?â âHow often do you meet her?â âAre you sure you can keep this up?â âDo you even go out on dates?â All the same questions... but I try not to let them affect me. Sometimes they can be harsh and remind me of the what-ifs, the consequences of being found out, the hardships of such a relationship being the figure I am. But I really try not to waver. Ever since that time just before our first year when I told you I was having trouble keeping us alive, I know a part of your heart broke. Even though I never meant to hurt you or give you the idea of wanting to leave, I guess it was inevitable that you felt that way. It was just such a rocky period of time... when I was so strict about privacy... and I was being so paranoid about staying indoors and staying on the safe side. Maybe it was just the start of summer, and fans were popping up everywhere after my comeback and... it was just crazy. I overreacted. But Iâm thankful you were encouraging and didnât lose hope in us. Even if our schedules were hectic; you were working and studying at the same time, and I was flying everywhere show after show and sleeping on you a lot because of fatigue. Several times I wondered why I chose to do this, to commit and to put effort in a relationship like this. Then I realized it was because it was a relationship with you. I know, for sure, there wonât be another like this for me. Ever. Even if we do have to separate at some point due to some unforeseen circumstances, I know we will end up together again. No matter who else we might meet. Thereâs no other love like this, for you nor for I. I know it is heavenâs will... They made us for each other. Just knowing that youâre mine and Iâm yours gives me the strength every day to do what I do. Thankfully, we communicate everyday. Not hearing from you for a few hours already makes me itch. Itâs so obvious now how dependent I am on you, and how used I am to having you. This cannot change. Even if I have to travel for a few days, you always let me know how much you miss me and make me look forward to coming back to you. You always know what I want, and never fail to surprise me. Even if I tell you Iâm sleepy from flights, youâll make me food and plan to stay up with me if I can. Despite you being tired out from work and uni. Youâre more than a girlfriend, more than a lover, more than a partner, like my all-in-one. If Iâm your everything man, youâre my everything woman. Right, noona? So donât everânot even for a momentâthink Iâd rather be with anyone else. Even if we hit our lowest points, even if we donât talk for a while, even if we fight badly, even if I go to sleep than stay up and text you, even if you fall asleep on me, even if things get boring because of putting our safety and privacy first, even if you need a few days alone to study, even if we donât travel much, even if all you see of me is when Iâm on stage performing... I want you to know that no one else will do. Youâre mine, mine since that day I asked you out, that I back-hugged you and didnât want to let you go, mine always, mine until the end of time. So donât you ever forget that I love you, I love you deeply, I love you obsessively, I love you with all of this organ you now hold that I call my heart. Stay with me and also when the time comes, mother my children. Raise them with me with a house full of puppies, too. Weâll let them watch anime and read manga and cook them good food while at the same time teach them dancing and drawing. Letâs encourage them to live their dreams as we continue living ours together. Weâll live blissfully and healthily, I know it. Iâll keep that smile on your face as much as I can and make your father the proudest dad up there. This is a promise. Letâs look forward to the future together, okay? -J
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