Why?
I’m just going to post this here because I have no other outlets and I can’t handle these emotions. Feel free to just keep scrolling.
I don’t understand why I have been cheated on in every relationship that I have been in. I don't know why this keeps happening to me, I don't know what I have done to deserve this..
I’m not sexually immature or unavailable. In fact, I am extremely sexually adventurous, more than the average girl.
I am not cruel or distant. I’m actually incredibly kind and caring. I do my best to make sure everyone is provided for and happy, both emotionally and financially. I bend over backwards to take care of others. So, is it because I am too nice? Too forgiving? Easy to take advantage of?
I feel as though there must be something wrong with me for this to be such a recurrent trauma in my life. It’s happened so often that I seem to have developed a sixth sense for it, I always know when things have changed.
And having been through it so many times, I’ve ended it in every way possible. I’ve cut ties immediately, I’ve forgiven and tried again only to have a repeat offense years later. I just don't know what to do at this point..
I don’t know if I should try to save this relationship, or if I should just cut my losses and move on. II have literal infinite questions. Is there ever a right answer to this? Shall I abandon this life and this family that I’ve built? Is he completely at fault or does mental illness have some part in this charade? Will I ever be able to forgive? And on that note will I be able to trust again? I feel like at this point, I’m always looking over my shoulder, ready to be attacked at any time.
I also feel as though the influence of social media in this day and age makes it so much easier, and even more tempting, to have illicit affairs and relationships. I think there’s a good chance I’m going to be swearing off of them, for a very long while.
I’m tired of being trampled over and disregarded.
As a digression: my depression is at an all time high (low?), understandably. I’ve already passed the threshold of self-harm, but I’m trying. I can’t let it take over. I can't let it go too far.. but I’m quickly running out of things to live for.













