Exactly What It Sounds Like

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

dump his ass. move to a walkable city. start hormones. get into fiber crafts. dye your hair weird. grow an herb garden. foster a distrustful cat. take a welding class. invite your friends over for tea and cake. get way too into obscure media. explore a new cuisine. lie to the police. protest in the streets. life has so many possibilities don't it?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

make out with a frenemy. buy noise cancelling headphones. wear office inappropriate attire. quit a toxic workplace. improve your apartment. start a dog walking sidegig. get on first name basis with your local librarians. bully politicians at town hall meetings. get an unexpected piercing. cultivate farmer's market connections. trade recipes with a gossipy old neighbor. unionize your apartment complex. move to the countryside. let a friend take you larping. keep a sword on your mantleplace

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

get a tattoo on your 40th birthday. be tempted to buy a loom. do a charity drag show. sue your landlord. buy a really nice kitchen appliance. volunteer at an anarchist soup kitchen. rediscover a tv show you watched when you were 8. spam your state senators. shop at asian grocery stores. do cosplay. buy trans flags in bulk and mount them along the highway. go viral for unexpected reasons. move in with your best friend. make lemoncello with leftover lemon rinds. run for school board membership. explore pegging.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

update: i'm delighted to report this post has been responsible for at least one person dumping his ass

[companionwolf]

some pieces really are just...missing

famous prophets (stars); car seat headrest | the torn up road; richard siken | unknown | @/edwardsaidpdf | it lingers for your whole life; katie maria (@/heavensghost) | teacher's pet; hieu minh nguyen | unknown | famous prophets (stars); car seat headrest

[altarralomon]

the world is cruel; therefore I won't be.

@/chenchenwrites. // unknown. // @/revolutionariess. // Andrew Boyd. // @/daigah. // @/factumnihil, @/peculiar-persephone, @/tlitookilkakin. // Richard Siken. // I know It's Over, The Smiths. // Unknown. // @/Zenoswol

[lelif]

on survival

-// @aridante // @orivu // @buzzkillgirls // ? // ? // richard siken// @cemeterything // moomin, tove jansson// @disenchanted-killjoy // isn't that enough, shawn mendes// @ prettytheyswag on twitter// @ coletyumuch on twitter// ? // ? // bird by bird, anne lamott// undertale// @strawberrycircuits

[jojo-the-bird]

[egelim]

little miss cut the world off when she’s not okay

[ab-cedario]

having a sister is so crazy because you are half my soul, but also like who even are you? i wish we were friends, but we’re just sisters. do you know me, or are you just stuck in the version of me i was 5 years ago? do you want to know me? how is it that i was born knowing you, yet you’re a stranger? do you think about me when you’re away? we shared a room so many years, and now i don’t know how to sleep alone. does it keep you awake, the silence? do you ever think about the empty twin bed you’ve left behind? i am so lonely without you, but i was lonely with you too. you’ve made my heart a bitter bruised thing. and still it longs for your love and your acceptance and whichever scrap of kindness you’ll give me. you can hurt me so many times but i’ll always be the little girl who just wanted to play with you. my sister. you who holds a power over me no one else ever will. my favorite stranger

[aishespoeticmuse]

[thetargaryenbastard]

me and my silly little pills and my silly sad songs and my inability to hold onto an emotion long enough to fully comprehend it and process it and i’ve been the same since i was born my sentiments slip through my fractured fingers and drip onto the dress i haven’t worn since i was 6 because i never felt as pretty as other girls

[bookwyrminspiration]

being an older sibling is like. you've never known a life without me. mom yelled at me and it taught her she never wanted to yell at you. I painted my room purple and grey and then you did too. we live in the same house but I haven't spoken to you in months. I don't know your favorite color. I saw it was going to rain so I picked you up from school on my way home so your books wouldn't get wet. i was so worried when you woke up sick when you were three. you don't remember being sick. mom and dad made their worst mistakes with me and I'm glad they didn't make them with you. I'm doing everything for the first time so you won't be in the dark. I don't know any of your friend's names anymore. I used to know them all. if something happens to mom and dad you won't have to worry because everything will fall to me. you don't like to be home alone but even if you don't see me just knowing I'm there makes you feel better. at least that's what mom told me. you still give me jars to open for you because you can't quite get them. I only see you during dinner. i'd never even think about missing one of your concerts. I stand at the counter when I eat and now you do, too. when offered a selection of books you picked the same one I did when i was your age. I'm terrified you compare yourself to me. I love you. I don't know if you like me. I want you to. mom says dinner's ready

[muskaanayesha]

I am the eldest daughter, which is to say that I am a sponge that absorbs all the trauma of the household. Life is spilt milk and I am a kitchen cloth burnt at the edges. I am falling apart at the corners, threads coming away, rips and ripples like I am torn and trembling in an ocean of nothingness. I am the eldest daughter, which is to say that I emphasize with everyone. The love of my life marries someone else, and I find myself hoping that he loves her the same. My brother wishes death upon me and I toss and turn in my sleep over the tears I saw in his eyes. Life is an accidental fire and I am water. I attempt to stop a tragedy I did not start, to go blindly into a catastrophe that I cannot halt. I am the eldest daughter, which is to say that I am silent in my needs. My father asks me what I'd like to eat and I say that I am not hungry. I will chew on my guilt and swallow my pride before I even think of asking for anything. I buy myself a sweet and nothing tastes as bitter as it. Life is a metaphor for debt and I am drowning in the desire to be as insignificant as possible. I demand nothing and nothing demands me.

[shisasan]

[gnnosis]

“i’m trapped.”

[ dead poets society (1989) / chapter viii, chen chen / young royals 2x04 / the raven boys, maggie stiefvater / “rocks in my shoes” (unreleased), noah kahan / ted lasso 3x11 / welcome to nightvale, joseph fink & jeffrey cranor / “homesick,” noah kahan ]

[feral-ballad]

Bianca Stone, from What Is Otherwise Infinite: Poems; “Does life exist independent of its form?”

[lucidloving]

Ruth Madievsky, All-Night Pharmacy // Suzanne Scanlon, Promising Young Women // Robin Roe, A List of Cages // Hayao Miyazaki, Kiki's Delivery Service // Susan Sontag, As Consciousness is Harnessed to Flesh: Journals and Notebooks, 1964-1980 // D. H. Lawrence, The Plumbed Serpent // Jennifer S. Cheng, "So We Must Meet Apart" // Haruki Murakami, Sputnik Sweetheart // Alice Oseman, Radio Silence // Franz Kafka, Letters to Felice

[muskaanayesha]

Peace be upon the daughter who helped her parents grow up. Accepted their cold shoulder, excused their anger, pardoned their mistakes, taught them how to be human. Peace be upon the sister who paid the price of rebellion. Screaming to her fullest, shaking like a leaf but standing tall, never letting the dictatorship go without a fight, paving the path for her siblings to breathe easier. Peace be upon the first child of an immigrant father. Aching to find their own purpose in life, firm in their own beliefs, contradicting generations and generations of cultural values. Peace be upon the girl who shouldered her mother's trauma. Swindled it into her own, morphed herself into an image of the womb she once resided in, immersed herself into troubles that weren't even hers, covered up scars that she couldn't even recognize. Peace be upon the woman who forgot who she was. So determined to be the savior of everyone, to fix her family, to nurture and love everyone around her. So deeply lost that she forgot she's just as worthy of love. Peace be upon you.

[ourstaturestouchtheskies]

web-weaving — eldest daughter syndrome

Repose – John Singer Sargent // Eldest Daughter – Isabel Pless // Old Soul – The Highwomen // I Miss Her and I Blame You – MALINDA // Goodbye – MARINA // Surface Pressure – Encanto

Violet Sargent – John Singer Sargent // Study for Carnation, Lily, Lily, Rose – John Singer Sargent // My Ego Dies at the End – Jensen McRae // You're On Your Own, Kid – Taylor Swift // The Hardest Part – Bre Kennedy and Hadley Kennary// Older Than I Am – Lennon Stella // seven – Taylor Swift

The Black Brook – John Singer Sargent // Eldest Daughter – Isabel Pless // 26 – Carol Ades // Eldest Daughter – Isabel Pless // You're Losing Me – Taylor Swift // champagne problems – Taylor Swift

Girl with a Sickle – John Singer Sargent // The Breakfast Table – John Singer Sargent // Surface Pressure – Encanto // Older Than I Am – Lennon Stella // Control – Bre Kennedy // Surface Pressure – Encanto // Old Soul – The Highwomen

A Dinner Table at Night – John Singer Sargent // this is me trying – Taylor Swift // Let the Rain – Sara Bareilles // The Hardest Part – Bre Kennedy and Hadley Kennary // Half Truths – JOSEPH // this is me trying – Taylor Swift