The Dark Mage Derek

necromancer since 1342. lord of the midnight realm and commander of the hordes of the night.

[darkmagederek]

Just got an invite to join the shadow wizard money gang. Worth it or not? Seem like cool guys

[darkmagederek]

doing some spring cleaning in the dark tower before summer rolls in. I have so much crap in here - I'm a bit of a hoarder, I think. Found a couple old orbs, a few dusty scrolls, and even Exegorth's Staff of Malice, which I forgot I had! Never know what you might uncover...

[darkmagederek]

fuck, man. I can’t keep doing this dark mage shit. It’s really messing with me. I feel like the dark tower is cursed or something. It’s driving me towards the darkness, towards the black of night. My soul corrupts.

[occult-summoning-health-agency]

bro we like, totally can’t let that happen dude. we’re casting a totally wicked wave of cleansing over your totally rad tower and installing some like, runes of safety bro.

we’ll be like, training one of your night beasts to be a safety inspector as well bro, it’s like, totally non negotiable dude.

[darkmagederek]

I think it’s been working real well. I’ve felt really great the past couple days. Feel like the cursed energy in the tower has almost disappeared

[jee-whizz]

bad news: left my orb on whilst i went shopping and the evil gaze of warlock ephiroth peered through it

good news: i was using my orb whilst on the shitter so ephiroth only saw my bathroom

[darkmagederek]

I do this all the time. Ephiroth is actually kinda chill. He’s a good laugh

[darkmagederek]

holy shit, did you guys know you can stream movies on the orb? I thought was just for visions and far-speech, but you can like, sign into Netflix on one

[darkmagederek]

turns out this whole 'treating the townsfolk nice' thing actually works pretty well. crop yields are much higher when I give them weekends off. weird, but it seems like people are incentivised to work more if they're relaxed and happy. will continue to report on this discovery

[darkmagederek]

today's a new day. a great day. I unleashed hellfire in the catacombs to purge the gnome infestation, I banished the Night Stalker to the celestial realm to be torn apart by the forces of light and good, and I've subdued the horde of night beasts and sworn them to obeisance. things are looking up for the midnight realm!! I even allowed the townsfolk a small festival to celebrate the harvest. might give them the weekend off too.

[darkmagederek]

I think I was just feeling down yesterday. things are going great

[darkmagederek]

today's a new day. a great day. I unleashed hellfire in the catacombs to purge the gnome infestation, I banished the Night Stalker to the celestial realm to be torn apart by the forces of light and good, and I've subdued the horde of night beasts and sworn them to obeisance. things are looking up for the midnight realm!! I even allowed the townsfolk a small festival to celebrate the harvest. might give them the weekend off too.

[darkmagederek]

fuck, man. I can’t keep doing this dark mage shit. It’s really messing with me. I feel like the dark tower is cursed or something. It’s driving me towards the darkness, towards the black of night. My soul corrupts.

[darkmagederek]

been a real fucking gnome problem in the dark tower recently. they're everywhere in the dungeons. what do gnomes even eat? where do they hide?

I need to get an exterminator in

[darkmagederek]

anyone know how to banish the Night Stalker? I tried to summon a few more night beasts but the ritual went awry and I summoned the Stalker instead. he's started eating my townsfolk and it's causing a real deficit in labour

[darkmagederek]

great day today in the midnight realm. crop yield is up, demonic portals are stable, night beasts have sworn fealty to the dark throne, the undead army is growing and I've paid off all my licenses and fees to the council for my dark rituals.

just happy atm :)

[darkmagederek]

dark tower gets real lonely sometimes. wizards don’t appreciate how isolating it can be being a dark mage. idk. just feeling alone. might summon another night beast

[darkmagederek]

subjects been complaining a lot about the night beasts I let out of the tower. defend your livestock better ig? put ‘em inside when it’s dark and the night beasts won’t bother you

[occult-summoning-health-agency]

dude we’ve been getting some gnarly reports that your night beasts have been eating elves, in our investigation we determined that like, your license for night beasts is totally close to expiring bro. you should like, renew it or we’ll have to fine you 25 coins and confiscate the night beasts.

[darkmagederek]

Right well the wizard council is just taking the piss with this now. The demons and homunculi are already licensed. Surely night beasts don’t need a license too? Why wasn’t I notified of this on my orb?

[occult-summoning-health-agency]

bro your license is like, really important dude, like, SUPER important. and we like, notified you several times bro. you didn’t happen to like, inhale any air immediately after a gnarly night beast summon right bro? it’s got some wicked amnestic effects bro.

[darkmagederek]

I’ve been summoning those dang things all week. Damn. Must’ve completely forgotten to update the license. Fuck

[darkmagederek]

subjects been complaining a lot about the night beasts I let out of the tower. defend your livestock better ig? put ‘em inside when it’s dark and the night beasts won’t bother you

[occult-summoning-health-agency]

dude we’ve been getting some gnarly reports that your night beasts have been eating elves, in our investigation we determined that like, your license for night beasts is totally close to expiring bro. you should like, renew it or we’ll have to fine you 25 coins and confiscate the night beasts.

[darkmagederek]

Right well the wizard council is just taking the piss with this now. The demons and homunculi are already licensed. Surely night beasts don’t need a license too? Why wasn’t I notified of this on my orb?

[darkmagederek]

Whenever anyone talks about the midnight realm, it’s always doom and gloom. Eternal night this, permanent dusk that. No one ever mentions the beautifully diverse nocturnal life we have. There are stable populations of many otherwise endangered bat species. The dark tower is a protected site because of the roosts!

[darkmagederek]

anyone interesting in moving to the midnight realm? I have a good few homesteads available. arable farmland, livestock, a good place to start over? first month guaranteed night beast free and you do get to see the sun occasionally.