Two major factors in my decisions to close down my old blog: college and declining mental health. (long explanation below)
At the end of August I had begun my next chapter in the education system. This was a very big step for me considering that I had to finish high school from home due to mental health issues that were only made worse by attending my high school. Honestly, I don’t believe I was even ready to take on college right way. I became stressed and easily freaked out or scared whenever I was in a bad state of mind.
By October I was fed up with everything and felt I was becoming too reliant on social media to let my frustrations out and hide away from the world. That and the anon hate I was receiving on my blog was increasing for some reason. It wasn’t healthy for me at all.
I’ve heard stories of people deleting their social media and coming back after a while feeling refreshed and ready to start again. I knew that simply taking a hiatus wouldn’t work. I’ve tried it before, but I know my blog is there and I can come back any time I want. Deleting made that a bit more permanent and could keep me away long enough to heal.
I did however use twitter, but I’m not a fan of it much so I was able to stay away from that more easily. I used it from time to time but not nearly to a point I used tumblr.
To be honest, I always felt under pressure having my blog. I felt there were things expected of me. It never felt very good at all.
I had a lot of things going on these past few months. I would list them all but there’s just too much to talk about. Everything just kind of fell into my lap all at once. From having to deal with a torn apart family fighting over numerous things after the death of my grandmother, to watching my best friend become miserable due to her manipulative ex keeping her on a metaphorical leash after they broke up. I was in an emotional tornado. And on top of that I had college to deal with. I walked in there taking 15 credits and by the end of october I dropped several classes leaving with with only 7. I wasn’t going full time anymore, which was stressful on my mom since I needed to go full time to receive full financial aid.
So why did I come back? Well for one I kinda missed the community a little. I was lonely and felt I had no sense of purpose. The pokemon community had always given me that.
Another reason if because I’m really gonna need some support. I have to start doing commissions again. I’m going to be getting a service dog to help me with several issues including PTSD. I’m going to have to raise a few thousand dollars in order to pay for it. LUCKILY it’s all fundraising and not out of pocket payments (i’ll be doing tons of things like bake sales and stuff around my town) so it’s not as bad as it seems. I thought I should start back here in a community that already knows me and appreciates me rather than starting fresh somewhere else.
BUT I had to make this blog a side blog so I don’t feel so pressured by it. My main blog is currently a personal blog based on non-pokemon related things and relaxing nature and animal posts. I will not be reblogging things to this blog, it will all be original content so that I don’t feel like I have to reach a quota every day.
Anyways, thank you if you read this far. I really appreciate your time. Thank you
