Perceptions Jar

Shoot, you're here already. I don't like this side of me but it's still me, they're equally important to know. So yeah, welcome to all the mess that I made

[darmansyahaida]

I was in a room full of great people

I was working in a very great condition

There’s nothing in particular that bother my mind

But suddenly, only because one single argument that is forgotten by everyone in 5 minutes,

My hearts feels like exploding

My eyes is hot and I can hardly breath

What is wrong with me?

[darmansyahaida]

I waste a lot of time on debating with myself, inside of my head.

And just like any other arguments, when it gets heated sometimes it gets physical. A lot punching, banging, slapping and scratching here and there. A little bit of pulling hair too.

[darmansyahaida]

I wish that I could wake up with amnesia

And forget about the stupid little things

Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you

And the memories I never can escape

'Cause I'm not fine at all

[darmansyahaida]

"Udah cepet mandi, keluar sana." "Masih bisa berdiri kan?" "Jangan lebay ah" "Dipaksa dikit dong, itu mah karena kebanyakan tidur" "Males olahraga sih" "Cuma penyakit males aja itu" "Udah sering harusnya udah terbiasa dong, pegel dikit doang" Stfu. If you can't symphatize, at least stop judging, or at least stop relaying it in words. Someone break down because of your judgment. Someone hate themself because of your judgment. There's no condition for judgment, it's inherently wrong. Even for a condition you've been through, it's not the same for everyone.

[darmansyahaida]

Menurutku hubungan itu seperti tali terputus yang dipaksa disambungkan Butuh 2 orang di sisi yang bersebelahan untuk menahannya tetap bersama Jika tidak ada lagi yang berusaha menarik dan mempertahankan, tidak ada lagi hubungan tersebut

[darmansyahaida]

Di momen itu aku memerintahkan diriku untuk tidak menangis ataupun memikirkan kemungkinan bahwa suatu hari kita bisa kembali menjadi orang asing. Bahwa suatu hari kau bisa berhenti jadi milikku walaupun aku tahu masih akan sangat, sangat lama sebelum aku berhenti menjadi milikmu. Setidaknya hatiku akan tetap milikmu, walaupun hatimu bukan milikku lagi.

[darmansyahaida]

The Reason

“What should I say?”

“Where do I start?”

You’re only hanging your head and I’m looking at you in this awkward silence

“I don’t love you”

You’re very sure that I’ve already know that

Even when you see me shedding tears

Your heart doesn’t ache anymore

“I don’t love you”

There’s no other reason

You don't even want to say sorry or ask for apology

That’s all

That is how you really feel

“I don’t love you”

[darmansyahaida]

Hysterically he shouted at the wind,"I was there!I know she's struggling, I know she cries every single night!" 

 He sobbed in irony while squeezing his chest,"But I ignore her, I wasn't there. I thought she is only overreacting towards this usual thing in daily life...I thought...I thought she was at fault..."

"I....I want to fixed it...", he sensed the coldness in her skin and that moment he knew, it's too late.

[darmansyahaida]

I wasn't a box full of confetti and unicorn I wasn't born for your amusement

If all this time I could bring joy, you failed to see the scars peeking trough and blood covered in tears

Admitting your failure didn't provide closure It was just another round of disappointment and hope's breaking

Which a lot worse than trying to content

[darmansyahaida]

Opening up to someone is toxic

[darmansyahaida]

I forgot how much I like the meaning of the song. And it hits home, every single time like the old good days. I would say that this is a song I want to sing for those who struggled, especially someone I love so much. But in the end, it might be the song that would give myself a healing and spare myself a comfort.

[darmansyahaida]

My dreams come true, something that i've been dreaming for since I've met you. But it's different. You were there, I'm not. I was at the page, but it wasn't the character i dreamt about. I was just a spectators in my own dream. It feels like you were a whole another person, but you are you. The one who filled my genuine dream and my fluttering daydream. Yet, weren't mine.

[darmansyahaida]

Can't describe it better

[darmansyahaida]

X : Here you are, what brings you here? /cuddle/ Y : /shake head/ Leave me alone X : What?You didn't come here to seek for my comfort? Y : Comfort?Are you kidding me right now? X : /giggles/ I know you'll comeback dear. You've been happy for so long that I started to doubt myself. But you got it, you go back on track and see me. Good for you. Y : I don't want to see you. X : Everyone else said that too you know. But they come back here every single time, get on their knees asking me to spare them comfort.

[darmansyahaida]

Spoiler

[darmansyahaida]

*ready to sleep* mind : No,no, nooo. Not that fast. Remember that assignment you haven't finished?And how your heart still ache? Or how you're going to hide your blood-shot? Hey, you haven't figure out why US needs to stay out of Yemen yet. Oh, and he still hates you. *lalu terdengar suara adzan* *lalu matahari terbit*

[darmansyahaida]

Waiting is too long, it has no limit I keep calling for you but you’re not answering and only echoes keep coming back to me

Tell me, what is love?