diary of an edgy loser

i don't know why are you even here but welcome either way

[daryofanedgyloser]

unemployment as a young adult who is dangerously close to being homeless, for the second time, or worse, having to go back to his parent's home, is not fun to deal with at all. i have 5 months to solve this fucking mess. wish me luck

[daryofanedgyloser]

i lost my fucking tablet stylus. this is the second one. i m going to kill myself i swear to gOD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[daryofanedgyloser]

When i said i wanted to be your friend even if we ever broke up i was serious. When i said i wanted to be there for you even if things went south i meant it with every fiber of my being...did you think i was lying? Did you tought those were empty words?

When was the last i heard of you, 4? 5 months? It wasn't even the last time we spoke, just that i heard of you from a friend. It has been 7 months since last i heard you call my name and i keep counting the days

it was your own decision to drift apart and not talk anymore, yet, i still go whole nights asking myself if you are ok, if things have gotten better for you, if your mental health steadied since last i knew of you

How pathetic.

I want to not care, i want to be able to just say "fuck it, he is out of my life and he will not come back so why give him the time if day" but i can't, you are too dear to me to simply stop caring from a day to another, even if you hurt me, even if i want to be angry, i just can't stop caring for you and wanting you to be ok

I wish we ended in a big, bad fight or something, i wish the reason we broke up was something inherently fucked up, that way i could at least feel some sort of relief that it ended, but you were nothing but sweet and supportive and great with me even until the end and i hate that because all i can do now is reminisce of a better time when we would laugh and joke and enjoy eachother's company. There is no bitter sweetness, no relief, no "at least is over", there is just sadness and a continuous feeling of something missing

Maybe I should stop being this overdramatic, teen relationships come and go, but you were my first love and you were my best friend, i gave you almost 3 years of my life, 3 years of memories that now leave a bitter taste in my mouth because when i remember them i can't help but smile but that smile hurts, knowing that there are no new memories to be made and that those days are behind

Good God i am so pathetic. Why am I still so hung up on this. For fuck's sake this is stupid

[daryofanedgyloser]

how come when my dearest friends are in their worst and in need is when i have no words to say. i am so sorry, i wish i was of help, but i don't feel like is my place to give comfort when i myself am feeling like i want to die. even when i am doing alright, i never know what to say, how to respond beyond "you can unload with me" as if i was some sort of trash bin for words. i am sorry, you deserve so much better

[daryofanedgyloser]

do you ever just think about how people's impressions of you end up molding you into the person they saw instead of the one you used to be

[daryofanedgyloser]

23/06/2021 18:37

i’ve never known how to start these things but might as well give it a shot. i am daniel, my friends call me dan. i’m latinamerican, more specifically chilean. i am also, for my family’s disgrace, an artist.

described by most as an emo but i don’t really tag myself as anything other than maybe alt.

since today you will become my diary, the place where i come to sob and rant about how shitty everything is. you’ll probably won’t see me every day, maybe not even for some weeks, consistency has never been my strong suit after all. this is my introduction to you as cringy as it is see you later