Dates With Dappers & Duds

Recently single, serial monogamist dating dappers and duds and telling everyone all about it. [email protected]

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We have a real problem

Guys, I like someone. Like like. As in I'm not interested in going out with other people. What's happening to me?

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Talking about my "number" with a guy

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The Southern Gent 2 years later. Casanova, baby.

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29 Terrible Dating Tips For Women From The '80s

How to Be Popular With Boys by Stacy Rubis — an advice book about love, dating, and romance for teenage girls — was published in 1984. Here are 29 of the most ridiculous quotes from the book.

#22 is a real gem

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Do you miss any of your former friends?

By friends do you mean lovers?

Let me start by saying that I’ve reunited with almost every past flame that I would have any interest in reconnecting with. Prior to reconnecting I would sometimes think about guys like Harvard Boy and the one who didn’t love me back, but when I was happy with CC I didn’t really miss anyone.

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Don't you hate it when...

...you go out with someone you're not really into but you let them put their tongue in your mouth anyway? It's gross.

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How to have an unsuccessful date

Step 1: Ask girl on date to super fun concert. Step 2: When girl confirms let her know that it's not actually a date because a group of your friends are also going. Step 3: When girl gets to the spot where you've planned to meet up, don't be ready, and make her go into your home where previously mentioned friends are hanging out. Step 4: Surprise girl by previously mentioned group of friends really just being 1 dude. Step 5: Hang out for 20 minutes before ordering an uber so girl will feel especially awkward being in a stranger's home with two men. Step 6: Make girl feel more awkward by carrying on conversation with friend(s) as if girl is not in the room. Step 7: Continue to talk to friend as if girl is not around throughout the car ride. Step 8: Show up to sold out concert having not bought tickets. Step 9: Continue to be an awkward human by not talking to the girl you invited out. Step 10: Ask girl if she wants to go out again. Guys, this was my Monday night. Men, please be better than this.

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Bad decisions can make great stories.

Spotted in a bar

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6 Months Later

Wow! Where has the time gone?! 6 months ago the Country Clubber and I called it quits and SO MUCH has happened since then. I'll admit that I've neglected this baby for a long time and I can't make any promises that I'll get better at it, but I'll always come back to fill you in! I mean we've been doing this for like 3 years you guys!! I'm going to give you all the stories, just tell me which ones you want to hear first:

1. The Breakup Story

2. How The Attorney Turned Out To Be A Real Asshole

3. The Lover

4. The Hostel Bathroom Hookup

5. The One Who Doesn’t Love Me Back Reunion

6. Frat Daddy Reunion

7. Harvard Boy Reunion

8. The Gangsta Rapper

9. BD Veteran you can guess what BD means ;)

10. Ass Licker

11. The Lumbersexual

12. The Canadian

[dateswithdappersandduds]

Eyebrows

I was talking to a cute guy on Tinder who’s preferred method of communication was GChat. His email is his first and last name so I obviously googled him and THANK GOODNESS I did. This guy has the most awful, bushy eyebrows. After seeing those caterpillars on Linkedin I went back to Tinder to figure out why I’d missed it before. This guy had on sunglasses in every picture. What a tease.

After a couple of days I had to block him on GChat after he wouldn’t stop messaging to ask me out.

If I go through everything I do to maintain my appearance then you can too! It’s a two-way street, bro.

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Date #2 with The Attorney

After being the most hungover EVER after our first date, it took a full week to make plans for a second date with the attorney. We met up for drinks near my apartment and decided that the night would go a little differently. We agreed to having just 1 drink. Then we had 2. Then we had a third and decided to head to my place (at this point I’d packed away everything related to CC). Again there was soooo much foreplay. We finally moved on to sex and I was on top of him when he looked me in the eyes and said “I’m going to fuck you in the ass!”

Umm...excuse me, what?

I literally had to stop and tell him that wasn’t happening. He made some snarky comment about how I thought I was too classy for that or something. I’m actually just not that into letting people I barely know stick their penises in my butt...so there’s that...

Anyway...we started having sex and this guy kept trying to stick his fingers in my butt...c’mon dude...give up on the butt stuff. I literally had to swat his hand away.

The sex was really great but all I could think about was how into the ass stuff he was.

[dateswithdappersandduds]

Date #1 with The Attorney

A few weeks after Country Clubber and I were done I decided to get back on that Tinder grind - boy has it gone down hill in the last couple of years!! I have swiped left (who am I kidding? I use the buttons) on the majority of guys in this city. Real question though, did the dating world go to shit when I left it? Anyways, I came across this guy and he was cute and I found out he just moved here from the same place I’m moving back to so we decided that drinks were in order. 

The night we were supposed to go out I was really just hoping he’d cancel - I’d had a really long day at work and was so exhausted - but he didn’t. We had 3 or 4 drinks at the bar we met up at and then decided to head to my favorite bar in another neighborhood. We had 3 or 4 more drinks and I even poured some concoction from a spout into his mouth (wut? that’s weird I know). After that he decided to walk me home. 

I’m not sure what the protocol is for bringing home a guy when you’re still technically living with your terrible ex and haven’t gotten around to taking down pictures and other memorabilia so I decided not to invite him in. We went to the roof instead and drunkenly made out for about an hour like horny teenagers. I gave him some line about not inviting him into my apartment because that’s personal but I was totally cool with going back to his place. 

We went back and immediately started going to town. He threw me down on a chair, ripped off my clothes, and started going down on me for FOREVER! So generous! After what was probably 45 minutes of that we swapped spots and then he told me he wanted me to sit on his face…so I’ve never had someone tell me to sit on their face…it was hot. It wasn’t particularly fulfilling but the thought of it turns me on now. After literally an eternity of foreplay we finally had sex. 

A) he had a HUGE penis and I was really into it 

B) he told me “I can tell that you haven’t been fucked properly in so long” …accurate?

C) he just took me! like threw me down on that bed, pulled my hair, spanked me, flipped me around, etc. So, so hot! 

After all of that I told him I had to go home. It was 4am on a weeknight when I left and I had a top 5 worst hangover the next day.

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Long story short

The Country Clubber and I broke up recently-ish and I’ll talk about it at some point, but since that’s the least interesting thing happening in my life right now I’m in no hurry. 

In other news, I’m moving out of this city and back to the place where DWD&D first started. You may or may not hear some familiar names in the future...

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I’m back...

Hey old friends! It’s been awhile. DWD&D just turned 2 and what a hell of a time to come back to you! 

So much has happened in the last 2 years since starting this blog and sooooo much has happened since I last shared with you guys. All the good, bad, and ugly is coming soon...

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Awww you guysssss! I can't believe that it's been (only) a year since I started this blog! What started as a way to write down my shenanigans turned into a really great way to share more than just stories. You guys have loved the good guys, hated the shitty ones, and have been just as confused by the weird ones as I have and I've loved every minute of it.

While I've had so much fun sharing my dates with dappers & duds, I think this is a good time to say goodbye. I've spent a lot of time thinking about what I would share in my final post and when I would write it and I guess there's no time like the present. 

It's crazy to think how far I've come in the last year. A year ago I was writing about juggling a frat boy, an Ivy Leaguer, a heartbreaker, and others, and now I'm the happiest I've ever been with one great guy. If you would have told me this time last year that I'd be where I am now I wouldn't believe you, but I'm so glad I am.

The Country Clubber and I are moving in together and I can't wait to see what comes next. 

It's been real fun!

*oh and just because I'm not writing anymore doesn't mean I'm not having just as much, if not more fun than I always have ;)

[dateswithdappersandduds]

The Guido

The guido was not my type at all.

He tried to make moves about 10 times before I ever let anything happen and it wasn't until an acquaintance of mine - we'll call her C - decided she liked him that I started to flirt back with the guido (bitchy I know but whatever).

A bunch of us were at a party at the guido's house and the drinks were flowing. There was smoking, drinking, skinny dipping, etc. and it was ridiculous. While C was trying to make moves on the guido, the guido was trying to make moves on me. When it was time for everyone to go to bed C suggested that she stay in the guido's room with him, but he told her that wasn't a good idea. Then he spent the next 2 hours trying to get me to stay with him. Eventually I gave in (because yolo) and we stayed up all night doing really fun things. I went back out to the living room just before dawn and C had no clue that the guido and I had been up all night. 

The next night I was out at a bar with a bunch of friends and the guido really wanted to hang out again. My plans for the night included drinking at a bar and then having a slumber party with my girlfriends, and that's exactly what happened...except that there were 2 hours in between where I had a quick rendezvous at the guido's house. I cabbed from the bar to his place and we headed to the roof of his building, which happened to overlook the city. It was there that I joined the 20 story high club. I cabbed back to a bar and my night continued as planned. [This used to be my "most adventurous sex" story, but not anymore ;)]

The next night - yes this was a 3 day rendezvous - the guido came out with my friends and me to a club - oh and C was there. I'd only told my best friend about what had happened that week and everyone else was clueless. C was again trying to make something happen with the guido. I made him buy me drinks all night, but I told him I'd go home with him if he would give C a chance (I'm not sure if this made a good friend or a terrible person). He danced with her all night but I kept my word and snuck away from my friends to go have a pow wow. We had a little fun on the couch and then a little more fun on his balcony before calling it a night.

I met back up with everyone in the wee hours of the morning and C was very inquisitive about our whereabouts. I explained to her that the guido got really sick and needed me to take him home and she bought it. This was my last night working for this company before heading back to school and I think I really went out with a bang (or three). 

By the way, the guido and C are now engaged...

[dateswithdappersandduds]

As Promised...

I'm back and in a writing kind of mood! Stay tuned for a fun story about the guido!