Love is like DNA: Different for Everyone.
Our perceptions of love are learned as a child, adolescent, and preteen, then retooled, enhanced, and/or blocked off as we advance into adulthood.
Our parent-figures are of all different demographics. Â We experience love through their individual love languages developed with their own maturation. Â All cases carry different combinations and variations of Affirmations, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, and Gifts (The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman; http://www.5lovelanguages.com/). Â Each love language comprised of different forms of communication, expression, and/or action.
In my case, my parents expressed a lot of love not only towards my sister and I, but to each other as well. Â My sister and I got to witness a lot of different expressions/languages of love between my Mom & Dad. Â The primary love languages applied were Quality Time, Affirmations, and Physical Touch.
The words âI love youâ in addition to acts of love were used very often in our household. Â This created a very safe, comfortable, welcoming, trusting, and non-judgmental environment. Â I hope to be able to provide the same love and atmosphere for my wife and family.
My girlfriend developed her individual definition of love through a household that communicated with a different-not a bad or worse different-variation of love languages. Â From what I currently understand, Gifts and Acts of Service are her familyâs primary love languages. Â
Her mother spends a lot of time, money, and effort on giving the best possible gifts for holidays and special occasions. Â Placing a lot of forethought and sacrificing significant amounts of income on the perfect gift is a display of great love for one another in her family. Â Additionally, completing a chore, cleaning up, and helping out without being asked is a display of love in her family.
The tricky part for my girlfriend and I is trying to learn and understand each otherâs love language. Â No joke, it sometimes feels like Iâm learning a foreign language because at first, it doesnât make any sense. Â After becoming aware of love languages, I was much better able to understand her family dynamic and her love language.
What was most interesting to me was my girlfriendâs reaction to seeing my parents cuddle together on the couch while they watched TV together. Â My mom placed her head on my dadâs lap while he ran his fingers through her hair. Â My girlfriend didnât think it was possible for older adults (50-60 years old) to love each other and express it accordingly. Â This confirmed my thought that her parents were distant, maintaining a bank of resentments towards one another. Â Alcoholism doesnât help that situation, not to mention any other.
From my perspective and life/love experience, the majority of sane individuals carry the mutual understanding of Loveâs characteristics and attributes:
Love is patient and tender
Love is full of grace and forgiveness
Love is pure and full
Love is desirable and warm
Love is selfless and thoughtful
Love brings joy, happiness, and the most pure smiles
Love brings help and support
Love brings truth and honesty
Love has endurance and stamina
Love is soft, tough
Love gives strength and energy
Love is free and fruitful
Love inspires empathy and calls for sympathy
Love is humble and caring
Love is giving and sharing
Whenever I think about the wonderful girlfriend I have in my life, I begin to smile. Â My mind immediately starts running with ideas; âthingsâ I can do to show her I love her.
A few rules I like to keep in mind involving love:
1) You can only give as much love as youâre willing to give yourself.
2) People can only love you as much as youâre willing to accept no matter how much love they actually have for you.
3) If youâre feeling down, itâs because youâre relying on something outside of yourself to feel good, gain affirmation, or make you happy.
We must love ourselves before we can love anyone else. Â If you donât express love towards yourself very often, how much do you think youâll express love to your significant other? Â If you canât honor your own words and keep promises to yourself, how can you honor your words and promises made to others? Â Keep yourself in mind first. Â Start holding yourself accountable to yourself. Â No longer allow things to slide just because no one else will know. Â Hold yourself true to your words because theyâre YOUR WORDS and THEY MATTER. Â Youâre the most important person in your world, so why not build more love for yourself by keeping your words to YOU. Â YOU deserve it.
Lastly, my ego is the biggest blocker of love in my life. Â Keeping it in check is hard, especially when I become reactive rather than proactive. Â When youâre with the person you love, leave your ego behind. Â Your ego isnât you. Â Itâs a poor surface version of yourself. Â YOU deserve the true you just as much as your spouse or partner.
YOU MOVE ME,
