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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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祝日 / Permanent Vacation
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Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
if i look back, i am lost
★
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@dawsonxtwins
“That’s incredibly fucking difficult to believe after you just kinda…drop off the face of the earth without saying anything.
"My mum was having problems- I moved back states to help her for a while. I told someone to give you the message, Nate."
James struggled to enjoy the party, he didn't know many people there and hardly any of the guests were able to sign. As the time passed he'd spent the majority of the evening by himself, despite having arrived with his best friend. Over the last hour the place had gotten busier and as he decided it was time to go he struggled in his attempt to find them through the thickening crowd.
“shit. you didn’t care about me anyway, did you?”
"That's no true. I screwed up sometimes, made some bloody big mistakes, but I did care."
❛ I don’t need you to tell me if something I did is a mistake or not. Also, who said I wanted him to care about me? All I wanted was to have a good time and I did so I’m fine. Why him? Well, because he’s attractive and he turns me on. Do I really need more reasons? ❜
❛ So what, you found some asshole who would be happy to take advantage of you for the night? Please, carry on and continue to give me reasons why he was obviously the right person for you to sleep with. Could tell me how good he was as well. Only I'd rather cut off my own ears then have to listen to you say it. ❜
❛ I’ve processed that it’s a simple question, but I’m still trying to figure out why you need to know about my private actions made with another person that isn’t you.❜
❛ You've processed it's a simple question then why don't you just answer it, it's one word either way. You did or you didn't. Maybe it shouldn't matter why I need to know, I just do.❜
"No— jeez, what’s with the interrogation? Are you seriously that paranoid? It’s like you don’t trust me or something."
"I do trust you. I just saw the two of you together and thought maybe something happened, kept having this picture of him doing stuff to you in my mind. Rather awful, really. I'm sorry."
❛ Yes. Yes, I did. Are you happy now? ❜
❛ Bloody thrilled. As your friend, I just want you to know that was a mistake. He doesn't care about anyone, not you and not a single other person. Why him? ❜
"No, okay… are you happy now?"
"No, if I hadn't come round when I did... would you have slept with him then?"
❛ It's a simple question. Did you sleep with him yes or no? ❜
❛ well, pretty much confused. you told me you loved me and now you’re denying it. like you only wanted to sleep on my couch i know you’re lying, though. ❜
❛ I didn't mean to confuse you, Dallas. You know I'm lying? ❜
❛ maybe it just didn’t occur to me until now how confused you really made me.. ❜
❛ How confused I made you? I haven’t been able to think about anything but you in the all time since we met, it gives me physical headaches. I think I’m going mad.❜
❛ Oh, so you accidentally told me you loved me last night? ❜
❛ I was drunk, I wanted to sleep on your couch. Stop looking at me like that, it didn't mean I love you, okay. I don't love you, I can't. ❜
YULETIDE;
Jasper stopped walking at that, his eyes moving helplessly to follow Ethan’s gaze and see exactly who he was speaking of. For a few seconds, he was silent, eyes fixed on Ethan’s new partner, studying the uneasy-looking intern with a strangely vulnerable expression before redirecting his gaze back to Ethan.
Jasper closed his eyes for a moment, rubbing his face, before nodding once. ”Alright,” he said softly, “alright.” His clear brown irises met Ethan’s before repeating in a gentler tone, “go ahead.”
Ethan cleared his throat as he realised that despite now having Jasper's attention, he had no idea what it was he had been hoping to get the chance to say to him. Closing his eyes briefly, he ran a hand back through his hair before fixing his gaze on the other man. "I know I was an asshole, to you more then anyone else," he muttered as his he looked anywhere but straight ahead. "I'm not that guy anymore. I paid for it- I paid for it in loosing you." He finally said, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket. "That's it, and I'm sorry, I suppose, for everything you had to put up with."
YULETIDE;
Jasper watched Mabel walk away with a pensive expression on his face, chewing on his lower lip and straightening his bow tie in a nervous gesture. ”He’s fine.” He finally met Ethan’s gaze before clearing his throat and glancing somewhere else. "I, erm, yes. I’m parched—I’m getting a drink,” the brunette concluded somewhat hurriedly, ducking his head and beginning his stride towards the beverage table. He really should have predicted that Ethan would be there tonight; after all, they worked in the same company. He didn’t want a confrontation.
"I'm not trying to cause trouble, I just wanted to talk." Ethan sighed, not moving as he spoke to the back of the guy currently walking away from him. "Look- I'm over it all. You're happy, I get it. I'm here with my new boyfriend anyway," he added. His eyes scanning the crowd, they landed on a somewhat timid looking intern over towards the other side of the room who didn't seem to be there with anyone in particular. "— that guy. So before I get back to my own happy relationship, just give me a chance-alright?"
❝ Well being supportive isn’t everyone’s thing, some people aren’t. I don’t trust me, you’re the cool one in this friendship. You know, I could always apply again? Or ask them if I could delay the trip a year or so. You could finish your course and we’d go together? I mean, I’d enjoy it more with my best friend there.❞
❝ No, but normally I'm not quite this bad it at. Plus I want to be, you know, I really am happy for you. You couldn't do that, not for me, who's to even say they'd let you reapply. No your going this year, you've got to. Maybe I could push back my course, take out a loan or something and go with you that way? Maybe just for the first bit? ❞
YULETIDE;
+ dawsonxtwins;
"But we just got here," Jasper protested softly to Collin, putting his drink down at the table. He had brought Collin as his date to his company’s Christmas party, thinking that they could have an enjoyable evening out. Jasper had put extra time to look especially nice for his boyfriend, making sure his suit was well-cut and well-pressed, that his bow-tie was pristine and his cuff links were in good taste. But Collin had already gotten bored with being at a party with Jasper’s coworkers.
"Let’s get out of here, baby," the other told Jasper with a boyish smile on his face. "We haven’t had sex in a week, let’s go home and change that."
"We can shag later," Jasper said with a frown, chewing on his lip. "You know what—you go home, and I’ll come back soon. I haven’t seen half of these people in forever." He watched his boyfriend sigh and leave the room to do just that. Jasper let out a slow breath and ran a hand through his hair before smiling at Mabel, the company’s seventy-year-old receptionist who’d always been sweet on him and was approaching now. "Would you like a dance, ma’am?" the brunette asked with a tired smile, offering his arm out to her formally. "What a sweetie you are," cooed the old woman before whisking him with surprising strength out onto the dance floor. Jasper spared another smile. Collin could go home; he’d follow in good time.
Ethan questioned, as he did each year, why he was at the Christmas party. Party's with people he spent his weeks trying to put up with weren't really his thing. In the fact none of it was really his thing. However, at some point he'd found himself sat at the side of the room, watching the party go by as people put a drink in his hand, only for him to finish it and it get replaced a few minutes later. At some point, and Ethan still wasn't sure when, someone had put a pair of reindeer antlers on his head that he couldn't quite bring himself to take off. Though that may have had something to do with the fact it was the same moment he'd spotted Jasper and his boyfriend on the other side of the room. And despite himself Ethan just watched from his seat, wondering vaguely what was being said, if Jasper looked happy or not. As he watched, a colleague sat to his right distracted Ethan from his silent observations. Some small talk, a conversation about the mans kids who apparently had just been in a school Christmas production. He nodded through it all, turning his attention back to Jasper and the now absent boyfriend when he finally managed to end the conversation. No, the boyfriend had gone and he couldn't help himself to walk over to the two now on the dance floor. Waiting a moment, he coughed awkwardly before flashing an as genuine as he could manage smile at Mabel. "You mind if I-" he gestured to Jasper, who up until then he'd tried not to make eye contact with. Thanking the secretary who reluctantly seemed to move over to talk to someone else Ethan took her place, looking at his ex-boyfriend, he swallowed as tried to think of something to say. "Boyfriend seems good then?" he nodded with a surprising lack of bitterness in his tone. He opened his mouth to say something else, but closed it again quickly, instead just letting a tired expression rest on his face.
"I want you to care about me more than anything else you care about.”
"I did- do. — You just deserved better"
