hi! im bi!

this here used to be a johnlock blog, and i will post johnlock, but it's also an assortment of things that make me laugh :)

[stimman4000]

.

[aquatixwitch]

What the fuk.

[kaylapocalypse-deactivated20201]

girl WHAT

[feedmyyeet-deactivated20191020]

The moment when you figure out where it is… insanity

[daydreamerjohnlock]

wooowowooooww im in love

[dangeroustoast-blog]

Magnetic ball in magnetic putty

[meshugenist]

me trying to get comfortable in my covers at night

[alisonzai]

[horchatadrinker]

finally told my parents they’re gay

[daydreamerjohnlock]

you what

[lakesdeadblog-deactivated202009]

tfw being gay affects all of ur life decisions down to ice cream choices

[dirtmound]

this is still one of the most relateable comics ive EVER seen about being gay

[nest-deactivated20181209]

every episode of kitchen nightmares

head chef, who happens to be covered head to toe in centipedes and stale canola oil: i am Cobfident that chef ramsay will enjoy my food. there is nothing wrong with my food. my food is perfect, five stars. 

gordon ramsay: i will have the risotto 

head chef: ok [throws some rice into a sewer, lights it on fire, and empties a packet of frozen kraft singles into the flames] 

gordon ramsay: *takes a bite* this sucks 

head chef: Oh, so we got a bitch and a liar here? Chef Ramsey doesn’t like my food, huh? So we got a blasphemer and a false prophet here, huh? Chef Ramsay dosent know what the fuck or shit he is talking about and I’m personally about to knock him out cold with my massive ballsack.

[brunhiddensmusings]

you forgot the part where the chef and owner who are husband and wife are screaming at each other nonstop, clearly audible to anyone in the dining area, while the waitress is curled in the fetal position behind the ice maker and the dishwasher is stealing half the booze

[deepspacepirate]

One of my favorite tropes is post apocalyptic towns being named after dilapidated signs with missing letters, like Novac (no vacancy) and Eaden (dead end). There’s something inexplicable about it

[togepipi]

catch me in the city of fre shavaca do

[jvedi-blog]

fashionably late? more like anxiously early

[queerlittlecreature-deactivated]

I will get to class 20 mins early and still be anxious

[iamwomanking]

Because no one else is there yet & is this the right place?? are you here the wrong day??

[daydreamerjohnlock]

FUCK I RELATRE SO MUCH???

[flygoing]

laptop overheating?? pour water on it to cool it down!

[chastittie]

i trusted you

[flygoing]

Do not trust people like me. I will take you to museums, and parks, and monuments, and kiss you in every beautiful place, so that you can never go back to them without tasting me like blood in your mouth. I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. And when I leave you will finally understand, why storms are named after people

[daydreamerjohnlock]

WELLSHITDEN 

[yonceeknowles]

[lucidnee]

Patrick was a fake ass friend to spongebob. He was a bitch

[a-tom-ic-bomb]

Source?

[lucidnee]

episode where Patrick fam came over and sponegbob pretended to be dumb for him and Patrick flip flop ass started making fun of him.

[skyakafreckles]

Patrick was cold for that

[reign-sl]

And that episode where Mr Krabs gave them both a toy to share and he selfishly dodged and ignored SpongeBob to keep it for himself? TRIFLING

[lucidnee]

EXACTLY Patrick ain’t never been a true friend

[bodegaowner-deactivated20190930]

real friends……how many of us?

[sexthongsandbuddah]

And the time he ate his fucking chocolate bar & tried to jack spongebob for his.. nah son

[lucidnee]

Patrick did spongebob dirty so many times smh he a Gemini

[free-market-pluralist-deactivat]

Patrick has no self awareness.

[lprflagemoji-deactivated2017081]

what about when his slug wanted to be friends with patrick and he just ditched spongebob and clowned on him for it

[woodlandenjoyer]

When they were raising the clam together and Patrick kept leavin spongebob all day with the baby so he could watch tv smh

[hoplite-operator]

When patrick made spongebob believe he was ugly when he just had some bad breath

[dustinberrycool]

Wasn’t Patrick the one that ditched Spongebob in the advanced darkness at the bottom of the sea?

[joey-wheeler-official]

we’re pulling out the receipts tonight

[the-memedaddy]

Me_irl

[agrownwomansromance-deactivated]

“will u marry me?”

“okie dokie”

[johnwatso]

Sherlock is curled in on himself on the couch when John comes home and John knows this can only mean one thing. He walks over and strokes Sherlock’s hair, smoothing it off his forehead to get his attention.

“Hey,” he says softly, not wanting to yank, but to gently nudge him out of it instead. “Hey, my love, where have you gone?”

“Everything is so uncertain, John,” Sherlock croaks out in response. “Unknowable.”

“I thought that’s what excited you?”

“Not today.”

“Alright, shift up, let’s lie together and think about all of the knowable things, then.”

Sherlock moves over and straightens out his legs, leaving space for John to curl around him and through him and with him.

“The most knowable thing,” he says as he takes Sherlock’s hand in his and threads their fingers together, “is that I love you and you love me. Right?”

“Right.”

“Alright, let’s think of some more,” he whispers into Sherlock’s hair as he kisses his temple.

And just like that, he’s out of it. They stay on the couch for hours, talking about nothing and giggling into each other’s mouths. By the time the sun beyond the windows fades and gives way to foggy moonlight, Sherlock can barely remember what was holding him hostage all morning anymore, and John is just grateful that he was able to play his part.

[bliznas]

[best-of-tumblr]

[tombstonettromboners]

the absolute madman

[teenagerposts]

18-22 is a confusing age. I got friends getting married, some in prison, and some still have to ask their parents to stay out past curfew.

[daydreamerjohnlock]

@so-painfully-awkward god im going to be the curfew one fuck