Back at it

Got termed again :/ ~20~5"8~110lbs~16.7 bmi~

[dayumsunthesebitchiswantsum]

I have abs

I was getting dressed today and noticed

I achieved abs

[dayumsunthesebitchiswantsum]

The part of recovery where no parts of your body can touch while you lay down because you cant stand to feel the fat touching

[dayumsunthesebitchiswantsum]

I have a four pack

Its not much but it is progress

one day I will be shredded

[dayumsunthesebitchiswantsum]

Im scared to weigh myself

I haven't since I started "recovering"

also I have more muscle mass now and I know Ill weigh even more because of it

I think I'll just work out more and eventually when I like the way I look I'll weigh myself. It will be easer to accept I lost all my progress if Im hot and muscular and not fat

[dayumsunthesebitchiswantsum]

Used to be skin and bone but now I have a lil muscle and I fuck with it

[dayumsunthesebitchiswantsum]

with this nice weather Im going to try to spend as much time as possible outside doing things

I want to get as much movement into my day as possible

I am manifesting an active king spring

[menarehotsoami]

Binging in front of people (to an extent) so they don’t get sus about the Ana part >>>>>

[dayumsunthesebitchiswantsum]

sometimes I binge a lil too much in front of people 0-0

I defiantly seem like an "eats all the time but still manages to remain skinny" dude to my friends and family

[xxvamplreprlncessxx]

I always struggle to remind myself that all the fasting and restricting I do now is to undo bad habits of the past, not an excuse to binge tomorrow!

[dayumsunthesebitchiswantsum]

I hate that I have to choose between skinny and weak or fat and capable. Like the fuck

[dayumsunthesebitchiswantsum]

My insides are warring

part of me wants recovery, I want to gain weight and work out and be muscular. Instead I've been binging and I'm scared I'll get fat ( and I might not even be binging. Could just be eating healthy and cant tell the difference )

The fear of getting fat is making me want to starve myself again. But for some reason I can't. It used to be so easy and now it seems impossible??

[dayumsunthesebitchiswantsum]

Just realised my problem is I'm not in my honeymoon phase anymore

thats why its been so hard recently

[dayumsunthesebitchiswantsum]

I want to be healthy but having any amount of fat on my body makes me feel fat

and I hate it

but now that I'm recovering I can't stop myself from eating (munchies don't help) so I dunno what the fuck to do ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

like I think talking about it might help but I cant tell anyone that I have an eating disorder. Nobody can know that about me.

[dayumsunthesebitchiswantsum]

Ate an unfortunate amount of sweets today

a little disappointed in myself

also I still worked out and I might again before I go to sleep so that hopefully makes up for some of it

[dayumsunthesebitchiswantsum]

I want to be Gaunt again :(

[dayumsunthesebitchiswantsum]

why does any weight I gain immediately go to my thighs

like what

the fuck

[brunettebaby]

"june will be my month!!" not if you keep eating like that

[dayumsunthesebitchiswantsum]

Me and my mom are going to start working out together

I'm gonna try to convince her to stop buying junk food cause if its not in the house you can't eat it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[dayumsunthesebitchiswantsum]

She literally went to the grocery store and bought cupcakes. Guess we are not on the same page